Oooooooooh, your a GiiiiiRL Dragon!!!!

Of COURSE you ARE!!!

Even GIRL dragons need love!!!

Shrek Check me out!!!!

My first guest post is here: http://livingwithlaughter.com

Now if I only knew how to "link" ya there,, but there is free candy when you get there...so GO!!!

I try to be all "hard core Yo" about dating, but I'm not, I'm more kitten breath and sweet little bluebird eggs.. I say I don't NEED someone right now, is this BS?

Bulldog Schnitzel? Buttcrack Schnapps? Broccoli Saute???

Last night I had a dream. It was one of those dreams that made you think. I hate those, don't I think enough during the dang day already? Do we really have to have a chin scratching, epiphany-chick hatching, screamy thought birthing, slinky down the stairs of my brain- dream every night?

I like when bunnies hop in a meadow for no reason and sing about my perfectly painted pinkie-toe (just one of them), I love watching confetti fall on my head for winning the National Mini-Marshmallow Extreme Distance Spitting Championships! I don't know any "NMMEDSC" Gold medalists-- BUT ME (and I'm fine with that). I certainly don't mind when David Beckham stops over for a "this means nothing" sex romp (I mean his wife's face IS Botoxorama and I'm youthful, innocent and all virginy).

But NO Seductress!!!! Let's dive into you phsyche a bit (just to make you try to correctly SPELL "Psyche") because you NEEEED the pressure right now!!

Hmmmmmmpf....... Damn dream Nazi's!!

Give me back my Dang bunnehs!!!

Wink, Wink

Last night I was the Bachelorette. I was much cuter and my giggle was so much more intoxicating than the current one that let yummy country talkin' Ty go (like a Moron), not that I watch or anything.

Why dontchya calls me sumtime

I had two men with me both were very imperfect which was PERFECT for me. I was attracted to them in different ways, physically and mentally and they both did the essentials (assuming I knew them more than a week)..... Understanding, calm (when I wanted to feel boring), wild (when I need it all K-R-A-Z-Y up in 'da hizzy), sweet natured (rough edges), expert farters (farts are aways funny people), hard workers, strict on me (ha) but only when I needed it, full on mascara hoarders, giving, but not scared to take, hungry for me always ( I taste like pancakes), ear whisperers, star gazers, dreamers with a foot in reality...blah.blah.blah....

They courted in different ways as well, one was extravagant and the other more romantic and planning.

The first was a little artsy and off the cuff which drives me to sexual positions passion. He would do things like paint murals with me all night and then lay with me on the freshly kaleidoscoped paint tarp to look up at the stars and count fireflies (I know RIGHT!!!??? SWOOOOON). He was the one that was fighting for me more it seems, genuinely trying to let me know how much he knew that we "belong". One night (I think it was the finale) he brought me 2 presents. In one box was a beautiful gold bracelet (I'm a silver gal, nudge wink cough). I could tell he had spent a lot of money on it, I did LIKE it but it wasn't a "AGGGHHHHHHHA THIS IS THE BEST DAMN PRESENT,,,, TAKE ME!!!" like. The next was a bigger, rattlier box. It was filled to the rim with costume jewelery rings. Now that for me is a "AGGGHHHHHHHA THIS IS THE BEST DAMN PRESENT,,,, TAKE ME,,,, NOW!!!", it's about the fun little things for me, I was smitten in my dream, he promised me the world in the things most people miss.

The other guy was more translucent. He was handsome and chiseled, but had REALLY fat hands and fingers for some reason, it was bizarro, those little fat nubs couldn't do anything, he was clumsier than me (laughing)!! But he was sweet. He planned candlelight picnics with hot dogs on plates from Tiffany's at ballgames. He just knew I was going to pick him. He stressed about things being perfect, passionate about the details.

In real life I would have ran screaming:

"Ya gotta let go sometimes and laugh when you fall in the pool fully dressed!"

But in the dream it was comforting that someone cared that much.

It's all about perception.

There was no sex in this dream (damn sex dream Nazi's) but I kissed cheeks all night and nuzzled and hugged and I think I needed that even more.

Here's the deal. SPOILER ALERT!!!

I did not choose either of them. I did EXACTLY what I am doing in my real life. Feeling I am not good enough, I am not ready, I have too much going on, I am too sick, I am not pretty enough right now, I don't have enough financial stability to bring someone in, my kids are too young, no one will want to deal with my antics, no one will see my heart, no one will see my drive when I am this low, I am not shining, THEY ALL DESERVE BETTER.

But what do I deserve? Do I have to be on top of the world to be loved? I miss that feeling I got last night, little things are big, little things matter, but if I don't feel I have bigger ones to offer, why try? I don't want to bring someone in like this and worse I don't think I can be rejected now (and I certainly would sabotage it with THIS mindset)...

Being abused puts a lot of thoughts in your head, thoughts I am still trying to erase about my self worth, I think we all have them though, I am really not unique in that respect.

So I think maybe for now if nothing is not organically-romantic (is there a organic-romantic farm somawhere?), I will have to just bide my time basking in my own growing fabulosity and changing this mindset.

The dream actually ended with me jumping out of a purple plane with no parachute and landing in a huge mound of Fall leaves, I popped a leave infested head up and was a child again, laughing and snorting with freckle-faced friends.

It will all end well.



Girls drool.... We have exactly NO idea what we REALLY want...