Wednesday, July 21, 2010

......THIS JUST IN!!!!!!!

DO sweat the SMALL stuff!!!

WHAT?????!!!!!


WHAT THE HALIBUT ARE YOU SAYN' SEDUCTRESS??!!

All these years we have been told by mainstream doctrine and the mass majority of the "they saids" that we should NOT, I repeat NOT, sweat the small stuff and YOU think you can saunter on down the proverbial line with your great hair and change it NOW??

I gots one question Seductress:

"WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT WILLIS??"

Note: The last line was obviously little nod to Gary Coleman (RIP,, little troubled dude). I am sure he is somewhere hiking freely in the mystical "GUY" mountains. These mountains consist of perfectly tanned bikini clad boobies and rears along with cave like crevices complete with the latest gaming gear and software (you were totally going somewhere else with this I know, but no, sorry). He will climb each pinnacle and whilst at the top sing loudly: "The Hills are Alive With the Sound of Music", because he's cool like that. Sometimes, he opens his arms and screams "I am KING of the WORLD!!" and gets kicked by a Santa Hat wearing mountain goat named Moe, (they don't like narcissism) and bounces down into the "tummy" hot tub. Gary Coleman is finally happy now.

<span class=

Sorry,

I could not find any pictures

of any bikini clad woman for you guys

WEIRD!!!

But

I know the gals are wondering, so I will share:

The mystical "GAL" mountains are little ridges of a perfectly toned "David Beckhamish" Ab Forest. It also has a black Speedo clad rear end "valley". There are beautiful man rear dimples there perfect for curling up in and fantasizing about Ice Cream. No mountain peeks are present as they would be virtually impossible to ascend. Convenient high end shopping at 99.9% off retail price and lively cafe' spots are located in the "Spooning" section of the mystical "GAL" mountains for your ultimate vacation experience.

<span class=<span class=<span class=
Mmmm SHOPPING!!
What?? It's Beckham,, tons of pics!!

So now that *THAT* is out of the way, let's get back to business shall we? The tedious business of shattering the worlds view on which items to sweat.... small or big. I have declared that sweating the small stuff makes sense sometimes (at least it does in my situation at the present time).

You see, in most occasions the really "BIG" issues are overwhelming on their own and don't ACTUALLY need to be tended to further by releasing bodily fluids (or glistening in my case) and eliciting it EVEN MORE stress related attention.

Most of the time the BIG stuff is already heading into a particular direction, after all other options have been dealt with, and when you are left with a final conclusion or ending point, it would now be time for an air of acceptance and peace with the outcome at hand (also sweating the BIG stuff causes MORE sweat which is unattractive while wearing my favorite crisp white shirt or red swingy dress).

I am not saying the BIG stuff should be totally "back burnered" and not dealt with at all, I am just saying that if you don't want to end up in the psych ward, perhaps you should redirect your energy to sweating the small stuff, the stuff that is consequential and can be easily sorted out.

This will take your mind to a different place for a while.......

......a BIG stuff mini vacation of sorts.

Let us take a look at some of the "sweating the small stuff" mini vacation plans.

You could sweat such "small stuff" as, but not limited to:

aWhy you have tuna fish but NO Miracle Whip??

aWhy you forgot to put the trash out??

aHow your kid is surgically attached to your leg 24/7??

aWhy your DVD player will play music discs but NOT movie discs??

aWhy my daughter scribed the following phrase on her bed rail:











aWho is THE REAL,, PUDDING MASTER and when is the takeover??

aJersey Shores??

aJust how much WAS that doggy in the window AND where IS his bone anyway AND why WOULD anyone steal it from his home??

aWhy someone would think they could enter my home, see a very large piece of high end art:



















... and say... "Oh, you're trying to sell a lot of things I see, how 'bout .50?" And expect me to accept graciously WITHOUT getting my paint ball gun?? .... whateva'..

aWhy foods that are good for you cost more than those that suck for you??

aWhat if I AM happy BUT I don't KNOW it at the time,, can I still play??

a
When will I have sex with David Beckham??

aWhy exactly AM I in this HANDBAG and WHERE am I going??

a
Why I am ALWAYS out of Green Olives in my greatest hour of emotional need??

aWhy do I always get flocked with photo snapping paparazzi getting out of the PT when I am not wearing underwear??

aWhy ANY type of bug spray can't just kill ALL types of bugs, why do we have to be so specific??

ant Pictures, Images and Photos

aJust what DID make that little 'ole ant think he COULD move that rubber tree plant??

aWhen were they going to tell us that the the Hokey Pokey isn't REALLY what it's ALL about?? %%$#$%#@ liars!!

a
They say "love is a commodity", does that mean you are a hooker if you have sex for it??

Feel free to add your own.........





14 Seducing Deductions:

Blasé said...

You are sexy in your new profile pic...and even sexier when you are thinking of the small stuff.

Heff said...

Damnit. THANKS for the Beckham underwear pix. Now I've got to go bleach my eyeballs....

IT said...

Sneak on over and look at the bottom of the sidebar at my place.

Slyde said...

you lost me after "tanned bikini clad boobies and rears"... then i saw some pictures of naked dudes... yuck.

Dutch donut girl said...

A BIG stuff mini vacation...

That's a great idea!

I have a small stuff question:

Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?

Kal said...

She KNOWS of the Pudding Master? How can that be. Only after the former Pudding Master dies do the cosmos choose a new one. Perhaps she is this Golden Delicious Child I have heard of. Expect a visit from three men in an ice cream truck to test her. Tell her to choose the chocolate flavored pudding pop and she has it made.

The Wolf said...

Yeah I could take a big stuff sweat break this makes sense. As for bug spray I could get you the stuff they issue in the military, that stuff kills everything. The only drawback is that it eats through plastic and can give you cancer.....other then that it's great :)

Autumn said...

ok, i've got to take your link and add you to my blogroll so i don't lose you. i really enjoyed reading your post and have to tell you that you are so completely visible to me. you look like a beautiful little elvin girl. :) yeah, i kinda dig fantasy so the shape of your face is so beautiful to me. just sayin. you're very funny, clever, and i totally followed all your tv/movie stuff as well. yay fun.

xoxo
loves autumn

mac said...

Why does it rain everytime I wash my bike?

Why does my dog wait until a pretty woman walks up to make a poo?

If happy little blue birds fly beyond the rainbow, why, OH why can't I ????

Cheeseboy said...

Wait, you couldn't find ANY pictures. Have you seen the internet? I think it's FULL of them.

It's all good, you made up for it with the rest of your hilarious post.

Great nod to the great Coleman.

Missed Periods said...

Brilliant as usual. And I am in- only small stuff for the rest of the week.

* Why can't I find a strapless bra that I don't have to keep pulling up every five seconds?

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Yes, sista, I agree. I always hated that saying about not sweating the small stuff, cuz "it's all small stuff."

What f**** *$%#@% came up with that *&%$?

Why would a farmer have a dog?
Why would a farmer who has a dog name this dog Bingo?
Why does Simon get to call the shots?
Who is Simon anyway? Is he cute? Is he single? Does he have a twin brother, so we can have a double date?

You are always funny and creative - in a big way, hon.
Love to you!
xoRobyn

A Daft Scots Lass said...

And just by the way we don't sweat, we perspire!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Blase-blushing you say that to all the Seductress' winks

Heff- laughing..I'm sorry!!!

It- See--I knew it wasn't just me confused by that!!! ;}

Slyde-Come back.....tanned bikini clad boobies and rears...winks

DDG- I am really not sure...Baffling..laughing..Let's enjoy our vacation!! ;}

Kal-If this is so,,, what does it make me? Surely I am Queen of something!!!

Wolf- I'll pass on the spray, perhaps you can come visit and be the designated Bug killer tho?? winks..that's hot!!

Autumn- Just checked out your smokin' site... ;} I like being elvin cute!!

Mac- Lets fly above those rainbows, they're not the boss of us!!

Cheeseboy- Maybe I'll slip some in for ya!! winks..Great post today BTW!!!

Missed- They don't exist,, sigh..Let's invent one!!!

RRG- I don't %$$#%!%@ know!!! Yes, why the heck does Simon treat us like his bitch???!!! Then there was that Simon that drew things that came true,'member him??? You think they are related??? They'd be a hoot to double date with!!!

Hugs back!!

A Daft- This is true!! Much better than sweating I agree!!! winks

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