Monday, July 26, 2010

Idiom Contest.. and monkey poop..

Was the last contest an epic fail??

Not YET...

BUT...

This is it. Officially the last time I will beg you to play with me. A last desperate ploy to have friends without bribing them. Wait, I AM bribing you. This makes me sad, but also happy, because if it works maybe you will stick around for the after shows, which are ALWAYS fantabulously arranged and choreographically stunning, because I inhale the tangerine smelly markers before I perform, or maybe grape, it depends on which fruit item I have been lacking for the week, for me, it's all about being nutritionally sound when I kill brain cells.

Maybe it would be easier to make you love me if you were a puppy.

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I could make a pork chop necklace and you would all look at me as if I was your queen and follow every move I make until I stop and you attack me with your love and bite my neck open for the juicy, but now a little tough pork chop.

BUT,,, you are not puppies. You are however, ALL very cute "like puppies" and still have that wonderful puppy breath that they should bottle up in a series of "aromatic memory enhancers" in a line from "Renuzit" called "Reduzit", the "Been there-smelled that" scent collection.

Photobucket
Wow, That's a pretty good slogan, they should hire me!!

There would be other aroma sprays such as, but not limited to:

Baby head
Best friends stinky car
Gym class
County fair
Rock concert pot aroma
Glue
Tangerine smelly marker (or grape)
Meatloaf cafeteria day
Hot Jock locker
Favorite childhood pet Basset Hound fart

You know you want it now!!!

But, I digress.. Back to the task at hand..

Here is the deal, it's all about "idiom phrases" today, remember?

Id-i-om n
A fixed, distinctive, and often colorful expression whose meaning cannot be understood from the combined meanings of its individual words, for example, “to have someone in stitches”

Whatever!

That definition was stupider than a one armed man, in a tree, waving!


I am leaving a very short paragraph and you fill it in with your idioms. There will be voting and mass hysteria. Justin Beiber will be a guest judge. I will read them to Justin and take the time to explain that this is a "safe" place and no hair flipping or pelvic thrusting is expected or necessary.

Bill Clinton is also scheduled to judge, but I will NOT have sexual relations with THAT man!

Bubbles the monkey is set to arrive and throw his famous poop on anyone NOT participating, I was going to invite "Boots" from Dora the Explorer, but cartoon shat really doesn't have the same effect and at least "Bubbles" poop might get ya a few dollars on E-bay.

Throwing poo Pictures, Images and Photos
I tried ta told ya this would happen!!


Here goes!!!

My followers love to play with me! They're funner than a (#1. insert idiom here)! Everyday I wake up and look forward to their intelligent banter with me, I love it when they say that I am (#2. insert idiom here)! One day I would like to pick them all up and take them on a road trip longer than (#3. insert idiom here). We would eat roadkill from Route 66 and laugh and laugh. The roadkill will smell worse than (#4. insert idiom here), but all in all we will have a most wonderful time (except when that one follower has to pee every 10 seconds!! I swear their bladder is as small as a (#5. insert idiom here).). I love my followers! That's why I will buy them all Ice Cream in any flavor they want (except banana), and hold them tight while I sing the theme song to "Beaches" softly in their ears. I think they are greater than (#6. insert self serving idiom here). And I know a good (restate noun from #6) when I see it!!!

The end!!

We will judge on overall idiom excellence and delivery. You have a few weeks to play.

I love you all more than an ant would love to have a miniature wheel barrel!!

P.S. No use ducking from Bubbles, he is a very accomplished shat aimer!!

18 Seducing Deductions:

Heff said...

My followers love to play with me! They're funner than a GREEN TURD ! Everyday I wake up and look forward to their intelligent banter with me, I love it when they say that I am ON THE RAG ! One day I would like to pick them all up and take them on a road trip longer than BURRITO FARTS. We would eat roadkill from Route 66 and laugh and laugh. The roadkill will smell worse than BURRITO FARTS, but all in all we will have a most wonderful time (except when that one follower has to pee every 10 seconds!! I swear their bladder is as small as a HAMSTER PENIS. I love my followers! That's why I will buy them all Ice Cream in any flavor they want (except banana), and hold them tight while I sing the theme song to "Beaches" softly in their ears. I think they are greater than SLICED BREAD. And I know a good SLICED BREAD when I see it!!!

Kal said...

You had me at pork chop necklace. How does one aquire such a rare item? As these chops cooked or left raw on the bone. Tell me quick because I have a fancy diner party to go to tonight and I wish to be suitable attired.

Sir Thomas said...

My followers love to play with me! They're funner than a Cock and Bull Story! Everyday I wake up and look forward to their intelligent banter with me, I love it when they say that I am finger licking good! One day I would like to pick them all up and take them on a road trip longer than a arm and a leg. We would eat roadkill from Route 66 and laugh and laugh. The roadkill will smell worse than a drop in the bucket, but all in all we will have a most wonderful time (except when that one follower has to pee every 10 seconds!! I swear their bladder is as small as a nest egg. I love my followers! That's why I will buy them all Ice Cream in any flavor they want (except banana), and hold them tight while I sing the theme song to "Beaches" softly in their ears. I think they are greater than blow jobs. And I know a good blow jobs when I see it!!!

Blasé said...

I just came over to "hold" you. I'll be back later...

Dutch donut girl said...

"but I will NOT have sexual relations with THAT man!"

Hahaha.... you're so damn funny.

The Wolf said...

My followers love to play with me! They're funner than a midget on fire! Everyday I wake up and look forward to their intelligent banter with me, I love it when they say that I am smart like dumptruck! One day I would like to pick them all up and take them on a road trip longer than my time in jail. We would eat roadkill from Route 66 and laugh and laugh. The roadkill will smell worse than my ass, but all in all we will have a most wonderful time (except when that one follower has to pee every 10 seconds!! I swear their bladder is as small as a Paris Hilton's brain. I love my followers! That's why I will buy them all Ice Cream in any flavor they want (except banana), and hold them tight while I sing the theme song to "Beaches" softly in their ears. I think they are greater than beer. And I know a good beer when I see it!!!

IT said...

My followers love to play with me! They're funner than a monkey in heat! Everyday I wake up and look forward to their intelligent banter with me, I love it when they say that I am bananas! One day I would like to pick them all up and take them on a road trip longer than the old testament. We would eat roadkill from Route 66 and laugh and laugh. The roadkill will smell worse than Robinson Crusoe's underwear, but all in all we will have a most wonderful time (except when that one follower has to pee every 10 seconds!! I swear their bladder is as small as a gnat's eyebrow. I love my followers! That's why I will buy them all Ice Cream in any flavor they want (except banana), and hold them tight while I sing the theme song to "Beaches" softly in their ears. I think they are greater than anchovies in a Caesar salad. And I know a good salad when I see it!!!

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

You've got some great entries already. I wanna play, but it will be difficult to avoid using all the 'idioms' that are already taken- like blow job. What is that?
Love to you,
xoRobyn

mac said...

My followers love to play with me! They're funner than a (#1)car load of clowns dressed like Elvis on their way to get BANANA icecream! Everyday I wake up and look forward to their intelligent banter with me, I love it when they say that I am (#2) sexier than socks on a rooster! One day I would like to pick them all up and take them on a road trip longer than (#3) Grandma's nose hairs. We would eat roadkill from Route 66 and laugh and laugh. The roadkill will smell worse than (#4) Ida May on a three day drunk, but all in all we will have a most wonderful time (except when that one follower has to pee every 10 seconds!! I swear their bladder is as small as a (#5) flea's saddle. I love my followers! That's why I will buy them all Ice Cream in any flavor they want (except banana), and hold them tight while I sing the theme song to "Beaches" softly in their ears. I think they are greater than (#6)cheese grater. And I know a great grater when I see it!!!

Ricky Shambles said...

My followers love to play with me! They're funner than a *Drunk clown in a bear suit in a party store! Everyday I wake up and look forward to their intelligent banter with me, I love it when they say that I am *eating kielbasa with a pickle fork! One day I would like to pick them all up and take them on a road trip longer than *Ron Jeremy's ...IMDB listing. We would eat roadkill from Route 66 and laugh and laugh. The roadkill will smell worse than *Michele Bachmann's quote list, but all in all we will have a most wonderful time (except when that one follower has to pee every 10 seconds!! I swear their bladder is as small as a *Taylor Lautner's IMDB list.). I love my followers! That's why I will buy them all Ice Cream in any flavor they want (except banana), and hold them tight while I sing the theme song to "Beaches" softly in their ears. I think they are greater than *beach sand in my lady-crack. And I know a good *lady-crack when I see it!!!

Blasé said...

My followers love to play with me. They're funnier than a **400 pound woman eating doughnuts while driving a 'smart car'**. Every day I wake up and look forward to their intelligent banter with me, I love it when they say **my jugs are 2-die-4**.

One day I would like to pick them all up and take them on a road trip long **enough for Blasé to suck my nipples until I pass-out**. We would eat road kill on route 66 and laugh and laugh.

The road kill will smell worse than **Lady GaGa's snatch**, but all in all we will have a most beautiful time (except when that one follower has to pee every 10 seconds!!! I swear their bladder is as small as **Obama's list of credentials**.

I love my followers! That's why I will buy them all Ice Cream in any flavor they want (except banana), and hold them tight while I sing the theme song to Beaches softly in their ears. I think they are greater than **a penis with stamina**. And I know a good **penis** when I see it!

Mike said...

On my free time I will contemplate all of this. It does sound very heavy, and funny.

The Urban Cowboy said...

I would play but I just woke up, and need my coffee.

Lazarus Lupin said...

My followers love to play with me! They're funner than a eunuch at an orgy! Everyday I wake up and look forward to their intelligent banter with me, I love it when they say that I am the centipede's knees! One day I would like to pick them all up and take them on a road trip longer than the line at the DMV. We would eat roadkill from Route 66 and laugh and laugh. The roadkill will smell worse than Rosie's fingers after she had a really long workout and was annoyed cause she was listening to FOX news then before she showered she put her hands under her armpits for ten minutes for reasons I can't explain then almost fell and saved herself by putting her hands forward but her hands landed in poop from an emotionally distressed rottweiler who had just ate a terrier with colic but I digress, but all in all we will have a most wonderful time (except when that one follower has to pee every 10 seconds!! I swear their bladder is as small as a glenn beck's humility.). I love my followers! That's why I will buy them all Ice Cream in any flavor they want (except banana), and hold them tight while I sing the theme song to "Beaches" softly in their ears. I think they are greater than fluffy truffle bunnies. And I know a good bunny when I see it!!!

Lazarus Lupin
http://strangespanner.blogspot.com/
art and review

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

My followers love to play with me! They're funner than a game of (#1. co-ed naked synchronized swimming)! Everyday I wake up and look forward to their intelligent banter with me, I love it when they say that I am (#2. the cat's meow)! One day I would like to pick them all up and take them on a road trip longer than (#3. the short bus that transports them home from school). We would eat roadkill from Route 66 and laugh and laugh. The roadkill will smell worse than (#4. a plumber's crack), but all in all we will have a most wonderful time (except when that one follower has to pee every 10 seconds!! I swear their bladder is as small as a (#5. Justin B's manliness).). I love my followers! That's why I will buy them all Ice Cream in any flavor they want (except banana), and hold them tight while I sing the theme song to "Beaches" softly in their ears. I think they are greater than (#6. one taco short of a fiesta). And I know a good (taco short of a fiesta #6) when I see it!!!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Finally a woman broke into the idiom contest! Boy I am sure glad I don't have to judge this one!!!! I hope to get many more in the next two weeks, thank you to all who have already entered, tell your friends artwork gets really valuable if the artist passes. I have surgery in a few weeks.. I want you to profit!! wink

Crunk said...

My followers love to play with me! They're funner than a son of a gun! Everyday I wake up and look forward to their intelligent banter with me, I love it when they say that I am an enemy of the state! One day I would like to pick them all up and take them on a road trip longer than a flash in the pan. We would eat roadkill from Route 66 and laugh and laugh. The roadkill will smell worse than cutting the cheese, but all in all we will have a most wonderful time (except when that one follower has to pee every 10 seconds!! I swear their bladder is as small as a piece of cake. I love my followers! That's why I will buy them all Ice Cream in any flavor they want (except banana), and hold them tight while I sing the theme song to "Beaches" softly in their ears. I think they are greater than a bump in the night. And I know a good bump in the night when I see it!!!

Crunk said...

Wait, this is funnier. This is a typically British saying. This idiom is used to describe something that is awesome/good/nice etc.

My followers love to play with me! They're funner than the dogs bollocks! Everyday I wake up and look forward to their intelligent banter with me, I love it when they say that I am the dogs bollocks! One day I would like to pick them all up and take them on a road trip longer than the dogs bollocks. We would eat roadkill from Route 66 and laugh and laugh. The roadkill will smell worse than the dogs bollocks, but all in all we will have a most wonderful time (except when that one follower has to pee every 10 seconds!! I swear their bladder is as small as the dogs bollocks. I love my followers! That's why I will buy them all Ice Cream in any flavor they want (except banana), and hold them tight while I sing the theme song to "Beaches" softly in their ears. I think they are greater than the dogs bollocks. And I know a good dogs bollock when I see it!!!

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