I woke up in the middle of the night with a raging headache. Death seemed to be the only option at this point but I shrugged it off, guffawed at the laughable pain tolerance levels of the commoners and took my superhuman status to heart.
I stood on my bed with my hand over my heart, my red yellow zig-zagged "Invisible Seductress" cape blowing from the breeze of the ceiling fan whirling above my head, one leg bent as if it were rested on a recently climbed mountain top and in the "side profile superhero stance" of comic book legend, I made my speech against the evil that was trying to conquer me and put the universe in imminent danger of losing The Invisible Seductress to
The speech sounded like this:
"Good Lord PLEEEEAASE make this pounding go AWAY-AY-AY-AY!!!"
(only in a much sexier and deeper super-heroesque way)
And then I tried to hit my knees to sob, but my cape got tangled on the high heels of my super-sexy superhero black boots, dropping me
The search for my headache remedy spanned the entire square footage of my sprawling lair. With my speed, night and X-ray vision, I was to make short work of the task and realize that I had no worldly relief capsules at hand.
"GADZOOKS!! Sparkleboy!! What ever will we do now?"
(Sparkleboy was sleeping, so this was really just for effect)
But alas, my amazing memory bank threw up a 3D vision of a bottle of Ibuprofin I had possibly overlooked in my purse!!!!
(I flew to my purse then)
The super-heroesque music and voice had started to irritate me at this point so I flipped the record player that was blaring: "Music to save the World by"/ The Monster Super-hero weakness ballads edition.
And dialed down my voice back to normal for the rest of the search and recovery as well as for for the entirety of this post (unless you just feel like talking awesome).
My purse yielded the prize of the aspirin bottle, but it felt empty, as I opened it I was relieved to find 4 red pills of Ibuprofin headache happiness. I choked them down as fast as I could and laid my head down to dream of bunnies and joy.
Strangely, I woke up with a worse headache and another daunting symptom.
You may have mistaken this morning sunrise for what actually happened. Let me explain.
Women normally have a bottle of pills in their purse that carry a selection of pills for every need (we're cool like that).
Tummy, PMS, Headache, Migraine, The stopping you from killing someone pill (I heard some folks had them) and possibly....
AZO Standard.... (Urinary tract infection meds that I put in when I was pregnant with Traxx and out of town ,,, just in case) that look JUST like generic Ibuprofin..
And as women know,, they drastically discolor your urine...
My pee is now a color I can't even describe "as a color" because it is more of a radioactive glow than a color. It even makes that "buzzing" sound of "electrically charged" radioactive glow.
Aliens have called me to inquire about the "phenomenon" and I talked them out of dissecting me. They have however taken a brain scraping because they feel my intelligence is even more superior than that of their cat leader: Shuravfsk Sssskkkp and my mad mascara skillz are worth cloning into their next generation.
Beams are shooting out of the toilet and gracing the eastern sky with a pseudo sunrise with each visit I make.
So this morning as you looked out into the morning sky and admired the beauty of our hot star of life, know it was actually courtesy of this "hot star" of the blogosphere (laughing).
GOOD MORNING WORLD!!!