HOLY HALIBUT!!! You're 12 Today!!??!!

Wish upon a star my angel,
wishes do come true!
You'll be wishing on,
the same bright stars,
we wished upon for you!

Today my oldest turns 12. It is incredible to me that 12 years ago I was in the hospital having 32 hours of back labor, trying not to scream because I did not want to scar the baby and give her a complex about her giant-ass, alienesque shaped head. I ended up with a C-section and a morphine trigger finger. Oh and a baby, I should mention her, as she was an excellent hospital parting gift along with the free breast pads!

I have had something to do with her turning out the way she is. I suspect she is still having returning trauma issues about the night I put Arm & Hammer toothpaste (with baking soda for extra whitening power) on her diaper-rashed ass and lady parts,,,,,, instead of A&D Ointment.

I still remember bending her over in the sink,, both of us screaming bloody murder,, whilst I splashed cold water on her minty fresh ass for an hour..

Ah good times, people,,, (insert dramatic pause and thoughtful sigh here),,,,, good times...

Her first day (ever) in daycare was at age 4. I had been home until then working nights or having her grandma watch her. Her dad had just left and we were having some problems with her. It broke my heart to take her there and leave her for 8 hours. Maybe I was scarred more than her.

Upon entering the school I was told I could stay and observe for as long as I would like. MsDebate walked in and for some reason made a bee-line to three boys who were standing by little primary colored chairs. She addressed the first boy and asked him to sit down. Almost instantly the slight kid sat in his assigned chair. The second boy was also told to have a seat, at which time a specific seat was graciously pointed out to him. He also sat and looked up at my daughter awaiting further direction. The third boy was invited to take a rest moments later, he however declined his generous peers invitation.

"You can sit HEEEEEERE" she said, Vanna Whitin' a blue chair.

"But I don't WANT to sit" was his quick response.

"Ooooh, But,, I REALLY think you SHOULD..." Was matter-of-factly advised.

The little boy then joined the others in my sweet daughters version of the girl directed mandatory "rest for preschool boys" plan.

I was told BY MsDebate that I could leave if I wanted. It sounded like this:

"You leave now, k?"

I did.

I thought she would be fine, but, there would be problems, she began to hit. Mommy came early when she hit. The daycare told me on a Friday, IN FRONT OF HER that from now on if she hit, she would be sent DIRECTLY home.

This was GREAT as she missed mommy!

The previous weekend was the Ex's first weekend WITH the girls and WITHOUT me. The quiet in my house was shattering. The first thing MsDebate did Monday morning (after eating breakfast of course) is hit a unsuspecting kid on the knee.

I got called and cried all the way to the center. I was trying to be strong while going through all of these changes myself. I took her to the car, put her on my lap and took a very strong disciplinary stance with her. We talked in the parking lot about the incident for quite a while. I tried not to break down but finally just took her in my arms and held her as tight as I could.

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said:

"This was all I ever wanted."

I broke down and told her how much I love and have missed her when I was gone away,,, BUT,,, I would ALWAYS come back.

She started crying again and told me:

"There were too many "darks" since the last time I saw you, mommy."

I agree. I cry as I write this part. I never like the "darks" we are apart. That's the part of divorce that haunts me the most. And this recollection is very prolific to the bad situation I am in right now.

They must know that I will ALWAYS come back to them.


This was the picture on the
her Birth Announcement,,

I water colored it making the dress
blue and the flower centers a pale yellow.

First Halloween October, 1998

I made her a "sweet-corn" costume
she won FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!

At her Kindergarten graduation ceremony, each teacher held a mic to make a nice statement about every student as they handed them an award. You could tell who the troubled students were because they got complimentary statements such as:

"Little Tommy has really learned how to raise his hand before peeing in class!!"

And:

"Susie Lou,, What a GREAT name!!"

Or:

"Johnny those are the coolest shoes!!!! Johnny always has the BEST shoes!!"

I was nervous when it was MsDebates turn as she was still going through rough time then. She be-bopped up with long dark pony tails and skirt in full little girl swing.

The teacher smiled with crackly mic in hand and stated loudly:

"MsDebate, has a VERY creative mind!!"

The audience all clapped in recognition of another obviously "specially disciplined" child. I could see the gerbils running on the wheel in MsDebate's mind as she swirled 'round to face the audience to leave. But before leaving, she turned back to the teacher, pulled the mic over to herself and questioned:

"Creative is GOOOOOD right??!!"

The teacher was a little shocked, but took the mic back and stated to her that creativity was VERY good. MsDebate, stood on her tippy toes to make full on eye contact with me, flashed me the "thumbs-up" sign, and an ear to ear "Im gettin sumthin' fer this" grin before running off the stage to a bevy of laughter. I got stared at and even patted on the back for her innocent moment of BRILLIANT comedic timing..

Things are always like that with MsDebate. She always has some way of slipping in a funny comment or silly face at the most inappropriately wonderful times. I deduce she is a lot like me in that respect and worry, a lot!! I now am now trying to fill huge comedic shoes for her, those of my own genius laugh mentor, my dad.

I suspect many an angel has sat on a whoopee cushion since he arrived in heaven.

She's MONEY!!

Houston,, you MAY have a problem!!!

The world is in for a rare treat as MsDebate blazes her way through it. And I hope she ALWAYS comes back to me in the end.

Happy Birthday Baby!

YYYYYYYYY

I love you the MOSTEST!!!!

(just don't tell Dramagirl or Traxx........)

ALWAYS dance!! Even though you can't "Break it Down" or "Break a Bone" like mommy!!!

I can't even count the number of times I sang this, late at night, just me and you, rocking softly. You were asleep by the 3rd or 4th line, but I could not put you down.

What a wonderful gift you are to me!!!

Even when you think I am dumb!!!