Sunday, February 27, 2011

To all the Warriors!

Ever feel like all you have been doing lately is fighting "life" battles but you never seem to be equipped with the proper weaponry necessary to battle each formidable challenger????

Nothing like facing down an army of pink balloon poodles with the sharpest of Samurai Swords only to next stand in the heated breath of a scowling dragon, armed only with a sewing needle.

But I believe in you, you sexy Ninja you!
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Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Gerbil's Code of Ethics: Rule #3

Yes-the kid that picks you up by the tail is an ass-and-yes- by all accounts- he DOES deserve to be bitten.... But..... being flung by said tail across the room and smacking into the wall is not a more desirable outcome than hanging out "Matrix" style for a quick spell. The only exception is when there is a chance that the resulting fling would result in your landing square on the head of a skittish elderly person-and then- for selfish comedic value alone-it is worth the harrowing trip.

May I further advise that this elderly head landing is the appropriately hilarious time to commence with a rapid fire pooing?

It has been documented that adequate entertainment outside of the wheel, is crucial to maintaining Gerbil sanity.

Never lose an opportunity for hilarity and destruction or you may end up in the corner with a crazy eye pretending your butt is a gumball dispensor.
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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Poetry at night...

Treading water, standing still,
go fight your own battle, or someone else will.
Empty screaming, darkened rain,
your days are heavy, but you're to blame.
Scratching wounds, bleeding hearts,
go dig your grave, or forge new starts.
Weakened words, voices lost,
there must be victory, no matter the cost.

The walls are all padded and the jello is ALWAYS free...

I like pickles in the morning, I crave green Olives in the rain..
I love to giggle in the bad times, I like to laugh away the pain..
I think Mime's are a really scary, I pray my wallet will get fat..
I have big hair like a rock star, and eat green Jello by the vat..
I may sound a little crazy, But I know im just like you..

...because you came to read this "poem".....

...and you laughed a little too.

........curtsy.......bow.......curtsy bow......and more bowing and ducking from the roses being thrown at my feet because that is how dang great this poem is. perhaps you should start bragging that you actually know the author of this prose and that she really is brilliantly living with her insanity and other world beauty..and except for the fact that her droid will not allow her to properly punctuate or capitalize her posts...she is adapting well to her newly formed and painfully self imagined fame...

Monday, February 21, 2011

There's an app for that!

I feel really blessed to have found the way to post. With that being said, you would think I would have something to say that is genuinely amazing and for all intended purposes the most exciting thing you will read today!

But sadly, that is not the case.

Although words ARE swirling in my head like pink cotton candy----- they will not change your life---- they will not enter your head and refuse to leave as they resonate so deeply with you they sting like Justin Beiber ringtone.

But they might just make you feel warm and fuzzy----

Fuzzy like when you are curled up wearing footed PJ's on the velvety soft underbelly of a sweet gigantic bunny who smells like jasmine and strokes your hair softly whilst he sings you to sleep and orders his flop earred minions to make you fresh mozzarella cheese sticks and ice cold beer served in the finest of stemware.

Warm like the time you were swimming in the shallow side of the public pool and as you serenly dog paddle past a kid who looked perfectly contented just moments before---- you realize that you are currently enjoying the comfort of HIS liquified body temperature on your skin.

Warm AND fuzzy like nuzzling up in the underarm of a Sasquatch who just got out of the tanning bed to color his bare rear because he is obsessed with Jersey shore and desires to dress you up like Snookie and feed you pickles by the glow of a neon sign that is incessantly blinking: Hot Donuts~~ Hot Donuts~~ Hot Donuts~~ Hot Donuts!! (I must take a moment to share with you my excitment of being able to use the "~" sign.. I was not previously privvy to the "~" sign, and now I am jubilant to share the "~" sign with you!!)

I only wish I could give that warm fuzzy amazing post to you-- but instead-- I filled your head with sweet warm desirable moments that might never happen in real life--

--- except for the pool infraction-- you know THAT'S already happened to you!!
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Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Gerbil Code of Ethics-Rule 2

Gerbil code of ethics- Rule 1

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Well the new DROID will let me write a title at least! I'm so cornfused!