The State of Florida has finally decided that doing a "medically necessary" surgery is a good idea because "it's medically necessary". I am doing some preliminary testing soon to see exactly what's going on and the extent of the mauling. This invariably includes drinking a weird looking plastic container of tar, bearing my ass for shots (pictures that is, it's a nice ass and I am poor..) and letting the "Freddy Krueger" long finger nailed nurses take blood. I don't give blood very well, it is almost always taken from me.
This morning at 4AM I heard the familiar rumblings of my son Traxx. Well,, it was more like a hiccup-whine-cough-hiccup-whine-cough noise instead of a rumbling. Traxx gives this unmistakable clue prior to gakking. I AM lucky because it gives me enough time to jump out of bed, crack my head open on the door jamb, step on an inverted Matchbox car, grab the up-chuck-bucket from under the sink and stub my toe before the first power puke wave hits. This is very kind of him!! After a few of his waves, I start my sympathetically inspired puke display with him in the now putrid up-chuck-bucket (because I am sexy that way). 10 minutes later he is bouncing around like a chia pet, totally freaking healed!! (Ok,, so this was a bad idiom, Chia pets don't bounce, I'll reverse it and start over).. !!delaeh gnikaerf yllatot ,tep iahc a ekil dnuora gnicnuob si eh retal setunim o1... (see it never happened, enjoy the NEW and IMPROVED idiom)..10 minutes later he was bouncing around like a chia pet... in a dryer, totally freaking healed!! (better right??) So whilst I was STILL puking (now accompanied with a throbbing headache and a less than princessy attitude) and STILL cleaning up his mess,, he wants breakfast and entertainment. His price TOTALLY just went down!!
I always write the best posts in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. And even though I can't sleep,, I mostly will just lay there,, still "brain writing" instead of getting up and actually typing it for you.. I realize now what a shame this is.. I am taking away much joy and excitement from the blogosphere---NAY from the WORLD!!! Because I never remember what I thought was so cool to write about that it kept me awake.. SO,, Because I can't give a money back guarantee for my sucky posts I decided that each follower should have some kind of warranty that my posts will be good. So I have developed the following coupon for you: