The Deadbeat Mom Confessional..

This post has been rated R

Would you like to see a picture of a deadbeat mom? Sure you would, it's like a train wreck, ya just gotta look!!

Here she is:

Throw tomatoes at me for I sucketh!

Holy Halibut,,, does she look familiar??

Of course she does, it's the elusive:

Invisible Seductress!!

(Boo hiss booo, wa,wa waaaaaa)

I am a horrible, horrible, slack, lazy, selfish and apparently really stupid mom.

Well,, at least that's what the State of Florida thinks of me.

You see I was in court today on a child support case.

State of Florida AGAINST me FOR my ex-husband.

There were no happy "your ARE the father" Maury dances in my past. Paternity should not be a Scooby Doo mystery. No rabbits were boiled in the break-up of our union. I didn't wish him to be tarred and feathered,, (although it would be funny and I heart "avian" college slap stick humor). I did not cut an appendage off of him.

Scooby Doo,,,,, you ARE the father!!

ZOINKS!!!!

I never asked for child support or alimony. Too many women are out there to prove a point and make life miserable because a man decided to leave THEM (shock, horror, gasp).

I wouldn't WANT someone to stay with me if they did not WANT to be there, should they be financially punished for not being smart enough to see my fabulosity?? Of course not. I can judge his intellect (ha) but not punish his checkbook for his lack of it in not keeping wonderful sarcastic me (ha, again).

In some cases it IS just, don't get me wrong and we do have a right as mothers to feel our children will be taken care of. If the father/mother is walking out and not accepting responsibility at all, let's do something about that, abso"fn" lutely!!

In other cases it's just seems to be a vendetta ego hit. I decided early on I would not fight in front of my children. I was hurt, yes, and a little devastated, but I can't make someone see how fantastic I am,, (flips hair, laughing) and if you don't well,, that's OK too.

But it's not about money-- it's about the kids and their future with us BOTH as parents, if I was able to make it without child support-- I would--and did. Hurting him financially hurts my children as well, why do we forget that? I fought the financial battle on my own.

So,,, we sat in court, me crying and picturing all my pretty silver sparkles running down my face, sitting in a spot usually reserved for a man. I was feeling the testosterone surge through my ample bosom, which I had contemplated "playing a Lindsay" with, and revealing a sparkle adorned Decolletage, in a low cut shirt for the benefit of my judge, but I digress.

Everyone was a bit confused, they kept looking toward my ex and I would have to say: "No, it's me, I am the unfit, deadbeat mom here, and could you please hurry up, I think I left my crack pipe burning and my John gets pissed when I do that and the Pit Bulls act funny for days".

Why Ken REALLY left Barbie.

This was (in my head) court humor. Even I'm not THAT stupid...

I watched couple after miserable couple look severely constipated and drag unruly children down the aisle. Mostly the women with big smirks and bitchy hand gestures speaking louder than necessary and the men shaking their heads and trying to get a word in edgewise. I would watch the men (automatically assumed a slacker by most) walk out with a yellow slip of paper showing where to send the payments while the women jerk the children away from them and storm off. Mission accomplished, vendetta served, until the next time you need a mani-pedi.

Newsflash,,,you're in this together and this was handled ALL wrong!!

Then I got all visual and my mind wandered (that's a shocker, huh?)

I tried not to, but I visualized them having sex and was all like: "Ew,,, really dude!" a lot. And sometimes: "Babygirl,, WTF were you thinking sleeping with the Geico Caveman?? Don't you know they cancelled his sitcom after the FIRST day?? The lizard is IN!!!

You shoulda' went lizard!!"

I was financially tight.... always... but I screeched by, until my son got sick. I missed work, there were scripts and medical equipment to purchase,, I was losing my battle. In April of '09 I got laid off. It was a tenure lay off even though I was a high producer,, I was the last one in the office-- so I was the first to go, a great business strategy.

I had been in pain for at least 6 months prior, holding it in, self medicating, not missing work (for me)saving sick days for the kids. I did not go to the doctor. A lesson hard learned when your organs are diseased and start to die and cause damage to ducting and other organs and such and you pass out in the parking lot after driving YOURSELF to the ER. There would be 12 surgeries in 7 months, complications, surgical infections that caused people to wear yellow safety suits and make me feel all "germy",, 3 or 4 "You are SO lucky!! You almost died!!" revelations, home nurses and machines hooked up to me, and 1 case of badly torn ligaments in my knee and a full leg brace/crutches installment right in the middle of it all.

It's all very sexy really. I can see that you are flushed with desire!!

And I applied for jobs,, even being in the hospital for weeks at a time and being home nursed, I kept trying. But now, because my credit is tarnished, my 21 years in Consumer Lending/Mortgage/Management/Training and green olive extreme height throw catching experience is not good enough:

"You are very well qualified and your resume is impressive,,, (add the "BUT" here) We can't hire you because of your credit." Loan officers can not have bad credit.

"Oh,, but what about my Extreme Height Green Olive Catching experience,, huh??? How many other candidates are award wining EHGOC gold medalists??? Huh,, nudge,, huh???"

I tried to told them that almost 200 people love me as well,, no dice. They suck, do they KNOW WHO YOU ARE??? Hmmmpf!!!

I journey on.

Not being medically able to take care of my children most of the year sucked. And not being financially able to provide is a different type of hell. My ex had to get Food Stamps as he was struggling too, still, he had more resources than me and I need surgery again, so he does have them more than me, I can't feed them right now and he can,, makes sense right? I won't ask him to drop Food Stamps and Medicaid because I actually want my kids to HAVE food AND medical care,, cause I am horrible like that.

As caring parents we had to make these decisions for their benefit and ONLY for their benefit. It wasn't a case of me never seeing them, not caring, not loving them, lazy, drugs, revolving door of men (sigh,, I miss you men,, wherever you are)... It was a case of hey "we both need help". Had I gotten food stamps for them he would be the one getting sued.

My unemployment check stopped without notice last week. I worked for 21 years and put into this system with no grudge or malice. I am very thankful for the help I received, I am not entitled, I am not owed, I am privileged to have had help. People abuse this, I am not one of those people. I have NO income now. None of these jobs are coming through and my need for surgery (that I can't afford because of "Medicaid Share of Cost" 1k PER MONTH deductible...another long story) is growing and hindering my everyday activity. But my life is not at risk (at this moment) so Medicaid says: it's non-emergent. We all agree I NEED surgery, but I am not at deaths door (yet). So,,, hurry up and wait. In the meantime while it's NOT emergent, it gets harder and more complicated and risky to fix, are ya gonna have to PAY more in making me wait,, uh,,, derrr,,, YES!!! Bunch of rocket sciantists (scientists was spelled wrong intentionally for effect, I hope you enjoyed it)!! I will know when it IS emergent by the severe pain followed by my organs failing and my life being in jeopardy within a few hours, and then,,, I will need to go into the Emergency Room ASAP and get the surgery hoping my organs are not permanently damaged. Make sense??

I am losing everything, I am fighting all the way down, but I AM tired. My house is in the last stages of foreclosure. With no income,, I have a week or two left (by begging) on all my utilities.

"We" will be cut off and I will miss you, a lot.. I hope you go back and read my archives and see that I really don't like posting stuff like this and welcome me back without thinking that I am a slug, I am not,, a slug that is...

This is what "Anal Court Guy" said to me when I explained my situation, and that I DID in fact HAVE my children and WAS trying to take care of them and have NO income right now to pay $375.00 a month and 1/2 medical coverage + court costs... And even at a "decent" income with daycare costs and this Child Support stip, this would be severely difficult if not impossible for me to EVER get in the position to realistically and responsibly get my girls back like I want/need/should have/had,, and be able to afford rent and a car payment and normal bills. I feel for people now doing this, I always have, but now I am stung too, you feel a bee sting differently when the stinger is IN you. And,, you know what??? I do have another child at home that I need to care for, who stands up for him?? Oh,, and also,, I would like to NOT be in contempt of court when I can't pay this Child Support and have to go live with Helga Hairnet in a cell as her sex slave (although I do believe I would be an attractive sex slave option for Helga as orange brings out the flecks of gold in my eyes).

This is "Anal Court guy's answer:

"I SUGGEST you find a job and take care of your children!!"

This is a GRAND suggestion Anal Court Guy!! I had not even thought of THAT!! I was so glad he suggested a way to help me!! Maybe my 10-15 applications for employment every other day WAS just a clever way of hiding out in my crack house with the Pitt bull fighting dogs, (they killed the Cocks by the way, so I don't fight them anymore). And NOT having the girls would be good,, because the pot really grows well in their room and they are beginning to not appreciate the decorating effort I put into their "special effect" tin-foil wall paper and heat lamp "Space Vegetation Room".... ingrates...

Today I walked out of the court room sobbing with that yellow slip of paper showing ME where to send my Child Support payments as the court audience assumed automatically that I was a slacker. And it was even more awkward because I was a MOM SLACKER, and for some reason that seems a lot worse in society.

Of course you know,, I AM being sarcastic and using humor to cope here,and I do know I am trying to be the best mom in the world, but I am really scared and in a dark place. I wonder how much does one have to go through, by themselves. One is the loneliest number...

Maybe I am not as intelligent and resilient as I thought I was. But I thought doing what you know is best for your children, even though it is very, very hard is the RIGHT thing to do.

When it comes down to it, when they nail ME when I am down, they end up nailing 3 kids -WITH- me.

Good Job Florida!!!!
I have an award for ya!!!