Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The Deadbeat Mom Confessional..

This post has been rated R

RATED R Pictures, Images and Photos

Would you like to see a picture of a deadbeat mom? Sure you would, it's like a train wreck, ya just gotta look!!

Here she is:

Throw tomatoes at me for I sucketh!

Holy Halibut,,, does she look familiar??

Of course she does, it's the elusive:

Invisible Seductress!!

(Boo hiss booo, wa,wa waaaaaa)

I am a horrible, horrible, slack, lazy, selfish and apparently really stupid mom.

Well,, at least that's what the State of Florida thinks of me.

You see I was in court today on a child support case.

State of Florida AGAINST me FOR my ex-husband.

There were no happy "your ARE the father" Maury dances in my past. Paternity should not be a Scooby Doo mystery. No rabbits were boiled in the break-up of our union. I didn't wish him to be tarred and feathered,, (although it would be funny and I heart "avian" college slap stick humor). I did not cut an appendage off of him.

Scooby Doo,,,,, you ARE the father!!

<span class=

I never asked for child support or alimony. Too many women are out there to prove a point and make life miserable because a man decided to leave THEM (shock, horror, gasp).

I wouldn't WANT someone to stay with me if they did not WANT to be there, should they be financially punished for not being smart enough to see my fabulosity?? Of course not. I can judge his intellect (ha) but not punish his checkbook for his lack of it in not keeping wonderful sarcastic me (ha, again).

In some cases it IS just, don't get me wrong and we do have a right as mothers to feel our children will be taken care of. If the father/mother is walking out and not accepting responsibility at all, let's do something about that, abso"fn" lutely!!

In other cases it's just seems to be a vendetta ego hit. I decided early on I would not fight in front of my children. I was hurt, yes, and a little devastated, but I can't make someone see how fantastic I am,, (flips hair, laughing) and if you don't well,, that's OK too.

But it's not about money-- it's about the kids and their future with us BOTH as parents, if I was able to make it without child support-- I would--and did. Hurting him financially hurts my children as well, why do we forget that? I fought the financial battle on my own.

So,,, we sat in court, me crying and picturing all my pretty silver sparkles running down my face, sitting in a spot usually reserved for a man. I was feeling the testosterone surge through my ample bosom, which I had contemplated "playing a Lindsay" with, and revealing a sparkle adorned Decolletage, in a low cut shirt for the benefit of my judge, but I digress.

Everyone was a bit confused, they kept looking toward my ex and I would have to say: "No, it's me, I am the unfit, deadbeat mom here, and could you please hurry up, I think I left my crack pipe burning and my John gets pissed when I do that and the Pit Bulls act funny for days".

Crack Whore Pictures, Images and Photos
Why Ken REALLY left Barbie.

This was (in my head) court humor. Even I'm not THAT stupid...

I watched couple after miserable couple look severely constipated and drag unruly children down the aisle. Mostly the women with big smirks and bitchy hand gestures speaking louder than necessary and the men shaking their heads and trying to get a word in edgewise. I would watch the men (automatically assumed a slacker by most) walk out with a yellow slip of paper showing where to send the payments while the women jerk the children away from them and storm off. Mission accomplished, vendetta served, until the next time you need a mani-pedi.

Newsflash,,,you're in this together and this was handled ALL wrong!!

Then I got all visual and my mind wandered (that's a shocker, huh?)

<span class=

I tried not to, but I visualized them having sex and was all like: "Ew,,, really dude!" a lot. And sometimes: "Babygirl,, WTF were you thinking sleeping with the Geico Caveman?? Don't you know they cancelled his sitcom after the FIRST day?? The lizard is IN!!!

You shoulda' went lizard!!"

I was financially tight.... always... but I screeched by, until my son got sick. I missed work, there were scripts and medical equipment to purchase,, I was losing my battle. In April of '09 I got laid off. It was a tenure lay off even though I was a high producer,, I was the last one in the office-- so I was the first to go, a great business strategy.

I had been in pain for at least 6 months prior, holding it in, self medicating, not missing work (for me)saving sick days for the kids. I did not go to the doctor. A lesson hard learned when your organs are diseased and start to die and cause damage to ducting and other organs and such and you pass out in the parking lot after driving YOURSELF to the ER. There would be 12 surgeries in 7 months, complications, surgical infections that caused people to wear yellow safety suits and make me feel all "germy",, 3 or 4 "You are SO lucky!! You almost died!!" revelations, home nurses and machines hooked up to me, and 1 case of badly torn ligaments in my knee and a full leg brace/crutches installment right in the middle of it all.

It's all very sexy really. I can see that you are flushed with desire!!

And I applied for jobs,, even being in the hospital for weeks at a time and being home nursed, I kept trying. But now, because my credit is tarnished, my 21 years in Consumer Lending/Mortgage/Management/Training and green olive extreme height throw catching experience is not good enough:

"You are very well qualified and your resume is impressive,,, (add the "BUT" here) We can't hire you because of your credit." Loan officers can not have bad credit.

"Oh,, but what about my Extreme Height Green Olive Catching experience,, huh??? How many other candidates are award wining EHGOC gold medalists??? Huh,, nudge,, huh???"

I tried to told them that almost 200 people love me as well,, no dice. They suck, do they KNOW WHO YOU ARE??? Hmmmpf!!!

I journey on.

Not being medically able to take care of my children most of the year sucked. And not being financially able to provide is a different type of hell. My ex had to get Food Stamps as he was struggling too, still, he had more resources than me and I need surgery again, so he does have them more than me, I can't feed them right now and he can,, makes sense right? I won't ask him to drop Food Stamps and Medicaid because I actually want my kids to HAVE food AND medical care,, cause I am horrible like that.

As caring parents we had to make these decisions for their benefit and ONLY for their benefit. It wasn't a case of me never seeing them, not caring, not loving them, lazy, drugs, revolving door of men (sigh,, I miss you men,, wherever you are)... It was a case of hey "we both need help". Had I gotten food stamps for them he would be the one getting sued.

My unemployment check stopped without notice last week. I worked for 21 years and put into this system with no grudge or malice. I am very thankful for the help I received, I am not entitled, I am not owed, I am privileged to have had help. People abuse this, I am not one of those people. I have NO income now. None of these jobs are coming through and my need for surgery (that I can't afford because of "Medicaid Share of Cost" 1k PER MONTH deductible...another long story) is growing and hindering my everyday activity. But my life is not at risk (at this moment) so Medicaid says: it's non-emergent. We all agree I NEED surgery, but I am not at deaths door (yet). So,,, hurry up and wait. In the meantime while it's NOT emergent, it gets harder and more complicated and risky to fix, are ya gonna have to PAY more in making me wait,, uh,,, derrr,,, YES!!! Bunch of rocket sciantists (scientists was spelled wrong intentionally for effect, I hope you enjoyed it)!! I will know when it IS emergent by the severe pain followed by my organs failing and my life being in jeopardy within a few hours, and then,,, I will need to go into the Emergency Room ASAP and get the surgery hoping my organs are not permanently damaged. Make sense??

I am losing everything, I am fighting all the way down, but I AM tired. My house is in the last stages of foreclosure. With no income,, I have a week or two left (by begging) on all my utilities.

"We" will be cut off and I will miss you, a lot.. I hope you go back and read my archives and see that I really don't like posting stuff like this and welcome me back without thinking that I am a slug, I am not,, a slug that is...

This is what "Anal Court Guy" said to me when I explained my situation, and that I DID in fact HAVE my children and WAS trying to take care of them and have NO income right now to pay $375.00 a month and 1/2 medical coverage + court costs... And even at a "decent" income with daycare costs and this Child Support stip, this would be severely difficult if not impossible for me to EVER get in the position to realistically and responsibly get my girls back like I want/need/should have/had,, and be able to afford rent and a car payment and normal bills. I feel for people now doing this, I always have, but now I am stung too, you feel a bee sting differently when the stinger is IN you. And,, you know what??? I do have another child at home that I need to care for, who stands up for him?? Oh,, and also,, I would like to NOT be in contempt of court when I can't pay this Child Support and have to go live with Helga Hairnet in a cell as her sex slave (although I do believe I would be an attractive sex slave option for Helga as orange brings out the flecks of gold in my eyes).

This is "Anal Court guy's answer:

"I SUGGEST you find a job and take care of your children!!"

This is a GRAND suggestion Anal Court Guy!! I had not even thought of THAT!! I was so glad he suggested a way to help me!! Maybe my 10-15 applications for employment every other day WAS just a clever way of hiding out in my crack house with the Pitt bull fighting dogs, (they killed the Cocks by the way, so I don't fight them anymore). And NOT having the girls would be good,, because the pot really grows well in their room and they are beginning to not appreciate the decorating effort I put into their "special effect" tin-foil wall paper and heat lamp "Space Vegetation Room".... ingrates...

Today I walked out of the court room sobbing with that yellow slip of paper showing ME where to send my Child Support payments as the court audience assumed automatically that I was a slacker. And it was even more awkward because I was a MOM SLACKER, and for some reason that seems a lot worse in society.

Of course you know,, I AM being sarcastic and using humor to cope here,and I do know I am trying to be the best mom in the world, but I am really scared and in a dark place. I wonder how much does one have to go through, by themselves. One is the loneliest number...

Maybe I am not as intelligent and resilient as I thought I was. But I thought doing what you know is best for your children, even though it is very, very hard is the RIGHT thing to do.

When it comes down to it, when they nail ME when I am down, they end up nailing 3 kids -WITH- me.

Good Job Florida!!!!
I have an award for ya!!!

Seal of Disapproval Pictures, Images and Photos

24 Seducing Deductions:

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

You are the bravest person I know. Not only to face what you do but for the way you DO keep you head up and struggle against the odds. It's not fair.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I can't tell you how proud I am of you for posting this (for one thing) and being a woman of integrity - consistently. It is so messed up that this integrity and love for your kids is costing you so much in every way. You are a woman of feist and vigor (and you still have your sense of humor, even though it's clouded right now by all the crap).
I'm here for you, sis. We all are. You will make it through, breath by breath. And then we'll go kick butt in the Dwarf Olympics. I'm holding you to it!
love lots,

steveroni said...

WOW! It is a revelation to read your sarcasms of truth...in my state, Florida, no less.

HOW you relate all these experiential thought-processes is what makes you so endearing to the reader--oh, OK, to ME, the reader! All right?--grin!

Your blog is quite different from most (and I think I read most, as many as will fit into 25 hours each day except Runday. There IS no Runday, you say. No wonder I'm always behind...Oh well, I will be back, don't ask me why--I don't know! But I like your writing...and, I guess, you. Came here from--you know--the girl with the doughnut... Oooops! Doughnut Girl from Holland.

Sorry, I slipped (again!).

steveroni said...

Please do not pee when you read me comment(s). I WILL know, ya know.

Boonsong said...

Wow! This is a great post. Your are indeed very courageous.
Thanks for this.

All the best, Boonsong

Powdered Toast Man said...

That sucks big time. You should go pro with your singing career or start stripping for some cash.

Stupid effing economy hurting my favorite bloggers. I wish I had money to give you.

Mr. Condescending said...

son of a bitch that blows! It is very good though that you've let it all out here.

I'm wishing you the best of luck, I'm sure something will work out. I know this sounds terrible but can you strip? It's quick cash!

Anonymous said...

I think its time you left the great..

*chokes here*

State of Florida behind and move west. I know for a fact you would be better off. I think what you say here shows what kind of a person you really are. BUT… the father needs no has to provide for his children even if it sends him to living in the mission as he does it, its his responsibility even if he is not there.

*don’t worry about moving those checks of his should be able to make it to you*

That was me being nice though, I could have said so many other things but I won’t.

Your fortitude is something else and all should be in awe of it. I for one applaud you and wish I could help out like everybody else. All I can say is seek out help from those that have been there before. I just get this thought that you try to make it all by yourself alone… don’t do it… get help if you have not…

Damn I just wish I knew more about this…


Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry this is such a rough time for you and your kids. It's just not fair. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers and green olives and mascara. - G

The Invisible Seductress said...

*****Let me just say Thank you to ALL!! And send hugs. I was nervous about posting this because some judge so easily, I just felt I needed to. My life suxs right now, no doubts about that, I don't see the light yet either, but I am sure it will come, starting as a flicker and then a full flame of happiness and good times ahead.. I know it and wish it all for you out there struggling as well*****

Cal-Stop making me cry.

RRG-Stop making me cry.

Steveroni-Stop making me pee a little.

Boonsong-Thank you- stop making me cry.

PTM-Stop making me cry about becoming a stripper.

Mr. C- See above statement.

SIR- No,, I am the one who is being forced to pay child support, NOT HIM.. ;( ..Stop making me cry..

IT said...

Wow! That's probably about as objective as you can get.
You're right. The kids come first.

Heff said...

I'm sorry, but you're TOO CUTE to throw tomatoes at.

and, I REALLY like tomatoes....

IT said...

I wasn't right. You have to be first because if you don't do for yourself, you can't do for the kids... or anyone else for that matter.
That said, your attitude, which is something that you have complete control over, is going to go a long way toward improving things.

Anonymous said...

Lady you are one hell of a woman and an amazing Mother.x.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Georgina-Thanks mascara and green olive and hugs all help very very much :} really really..hugs back

It- I am hoping to stay strong and get through. It is all I can do now. and yes you are right. As usual... X's

Heff- Thank you!! Tomato abuse would suck right now! Thanks for the smile!!

Gingey- That means a lot to me. It really does. Hugs...

Dutch donut girl said...

First of all, I applaud you for putting your kids first instead of going into battle over money in order to financially punish your ex.
But dammit, forcing you to pay child support at this moment in time is just plane cruel.
Sometimes life really sucks :(

I wish I could do something to help.
Your children could spend their summer vacation in Holland. I'm great with kids. No really, I am.

Hang in there and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. You will get through this, I know you will.

You will find a job and finally have that much needed operation. I feel it in my bones.


Ken said...

I'm so sorry. Reading this made me angry and sad that you're in such a tough situation. I hope things somehow get better.

mac said...

Dammit. I hate this for you.

You deserve better :-)

Copyboy said...

Hey, so sorry your life is in the realm of major suckage right now. Big hug from me to you. :) And BTW...the Florida law system is also worthless when it comes to grandparent rights. Just something I learned recently. Sunshine state my behind.

Missed Periods said...

I don't know what do say. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I send you my very best wishes. It will get better.

Mike said...

I have been trying to comment for two days. I guess my "smart phone" isn't so smart. God never gives us a challenge we can't handle. Just do the best you can and it will all work out. Be strong, be you.

The Invisible Seductress said...

DDG- The hugs and support really do help!!! really it means a lot!!

Ken- I have hope and humor and believe things turn around, I just hope soon,, I am losing some smiles lately and that pisses me off!!

Mac- Hugs....lots of hugs...

Copyboy-It boggles my mind with the way they treated me, I was sad to think how many people have a nightmare when they divorce. My kids will know that they were first in all I did..Hugs back!!

Mp-Thanks..I know I just have to be patient, and not eat cheesecake as much as I want to..

Mike-Showing you my muscle,, did you see it? It is pretty impressive if you cock your head and close one eye..winks..Thanks for the nice thoughts...hug

Anonymous said...

Well -- you just can't do it! You can't pay child support when you don't have the money. It's that simple.

I must go back and read. I'm worried about your health, and I have to see what's going on.

You had previously wanted to get into sales. Are you still interested? Can you work at this point? I must research this all a little more in your archives, dear.


The Invisible Seductress said...

Jan- I am working on having another major surgery. Life is rough, but they can't take my smiles away!! Hugs back!!! I think everyone is having a rough time in this world. But we all can still help someone just by letting them know you care. I feel that from my comments...It's so great!!!

Post a Comment

Every time you leave a comment, The Seductress gets a tickle!!

giggle, snort....and maybe she pees a little...but it's still cute....really...