who knew??

Awwwwww Youth,,, you think you know it All,,,,, but........

One beautiful fall day on vacation in Tennessee, single girls were driving the roads of a mountain top. The rocky roads crept upwards, swirling around like the lines in soft serve Ice Cream (extracted from the machine at your favorite Chinese Buffet, they have the best vanilla there ;} ). The weather was perfect for rolled down windows, rolled up shorts, loud music and deserted tree lined excursions. The scarlets and amber flew off those trees like sparks from a college bon-fire (that you probably don't remember because of the alcohol you consumed).

We had a head for adventure, an eye for scenery, a naivety that was palpable and were ready to own it all.

Then,,,HARK........We saw a sign that stopped us in the moment....We were lost in the novelty of the rugged outdoors...this sign was a warning.......warning us of wildlife....wildlife up ahead...wildlife we HAD to see......Specifically hogs.....wild hogs no doubt.....dangerous wild mountain hogs...dangerous wild Tennessee mountain hogs......dangerous wild native Tennessee mountain hogs......we were unafraid...undaunted by the risks before us.......we looked for the elusive creatures over and around the mountain top.... Seems the construction and the large pieces of equipment, must have scared the Bush Hogs away...

But the Chalet owner had another explanation,, we HAD seen the elusive bush Hog!!

Turns out:

Bush Hog =

NOT

!!!!!!!!

who knew??


I was just moving in with a room mate. My first apartment.......

My first stab at the REAL WORLD!!

Just me and Jolie against the world!! I had just turned 18. Oblivious to anything even the slightest bit domestic. We had just signed the lease and finished shopping for essential things like doughnuts for the morning and cottage cheese, we would not starve our first day there. We were impressed by our own forethought of hunger, we were already making big decisions.

Our first visit to the apartment "with KEY IN HAND!!" as grown up lessors came. But there,, in the entry way...was an obstacle beyond our scope of imagination. The biggest spider we had EVER SEEN.,,,,,,we ran...... straight down the driveway screaming...... Dropping our beloved sustenance items...... Looking like complete idiots...... The conversation turned to who would do the deed.....It was hairy, it took a while and a few shudders and tears to decide.....We sat on the hood of the car praying we would see it walk away......But it didn't....... I'll get it THIS time......

Bravely I approached, eye of a predator...... Hands flaring out...... Praying my shoe would forgive me for the carnage I was going to introduce it to..... One step.... two back... it moved..... two steps..... one back..... I gotta do this.....

..... A stray drop of sweat rolled down my face and landed by my nose..... tickling me..... but I was undeterred...... No distractions in this dangerous situation could phase me...... One big reach and a scream...Aaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........breathe..............................

$^@$#%^&#^%%^&&&%&#$@^&*(/

AGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

I had barely grazed the top of the monster when it erupted into a baby spider fireworks display!!

They scattered everywhere.....hundreds---nay--thousands of them....

We screamed down the driveway again..and called Daddy for help.....

who knew??


Our first apartment, again. A puppy named Oliver. My first male puppy. An awesome Little dude with the blackest fur and darkest eyes, begging you for love..... and love him we did.

But there was something wrong. He had an ailment. I called the vet in a panic:

"My dog has something wrong with it!!!!

"Explain the problem ma'am"

"Well,,,, when I got home.....hold on.........sniffle,sniffle,,,snort."

"Calm down ma'am"

"When I got home,,,he-he-heeee got all riled up and I noticed he had grOOOwths, they look like-like--- tumors and they're h-h-hard!!!....sniffle....snot suck"

"Where are they ma'am?"

"Well , this is embarrassing, but they're .....whispering.....down there....."

silence

silence

"Sir??? Are yoooou there?????"

small giggle

silence

"Like where his private part is? Are the bumps there?"

"YES!!!"

"Is he fixed ma'am?"

"NO!...... Not y-yet,,, is he OK?????? ....panicked breathing

silence

"Ma'am,,, what you've got there are testicles, when he's excited they'll swell a bit, he's fine"

*gulp* *sigh* ...thinking: ........"Excitaballs?????" WTF

loud giggling on the line

"I'm sooooo sorry, thank you for your time"....CLICK.....

who knew??

and:

Ohmanohmanohman

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Happy Dance!!!!