Monday, March 1, 2010

Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder!!!!

It was one of those nights. Hour by hour spotted and interrupted by nightmares and unexplained sounds. I had been watching Animal Planet a lot and it has barraged me with imagery of bear attacks. This has become my new fear.

I have always loved the mountains. I love the feeling of standing on hilly ground, leaves crackling under foot, baby streams meandering past with chilled clear water, pure to the taste. Standing in awe at the sun filtering through the storytellers, huge trees with too many rings to count all holding secrets I am dieing to steal. Rabbits jumping by and waving at me with furry little paws "come play,, come play!!".....Then BAM-O....bear eats me..... sigh.

But this morning at first stretch I had an epiphany: My mood enhances or detracts from the mood of the people around me. I would forget the night and focus on the newborn day!

Today will be the most WONDERFUL day!!!

As I sat up a cartoon bluebird landed on my shoulder and we sang softly together. I stepped onto the floor and noticed with each place of my foot, a rainbow path formed. The sun fell down from the heavens heating my face and touching my soul. I brushed the wall and was amazed at the sight of it magically transforming into rainbow colored candies (no,,, not Skittles fair readers,, even better,, more like those little beady things,, what are those called? ....Sixlets...yes Sixlets!!) I had magic Sixlets fingers!

+ = MAGIC !!!!!!
(a useless visual aid, lovingly made for you, because: I heart you!)

Stepping into the beautiful flower pod that contained my angelic resting daughters, I smiled lovingly at them and the room lit up with a multi-colored sparklish glow. Softly I beckoned them:

"Girls, wake up,,,, to a WONDERFUL day-ay-ay-aaaaaa-ayyyyyy", I had inadvertently burst in to soft chorus (then stopped cause it kinda irritated me).

"WE'RE UP!! WE'RE UP, MOM!!" they called back sweetly mimicking the tone of NASTY teenagers as a means of jesting with me, and I laughed and laughed.

I decided to go to the restroom to start my transformation, I brushed my teeth with gold sparkles and looked in the mirror, primed to give myself an inspirational talk. But alas,, I was wearing a t-shirt that simply read "DORK",, and since no one could be 100% inspired wearing a "DORK" t-shirt, I skipped off to the laundry room to retrieve my favorite purple blouse.

My son seed passed me in the hall showering me with love and entering the bathroom of happiness,, but danger there lurked.

(dramatic pause, ominous music, lightening)

The toilet had been acting up (I "fixed" it 20 times this weekend) and it was about to revolt.

I heard the screams all the way from the laundry room:

"Moooooooom!! (sob) Moooooooom!!!"

I could visualize the waterfall of pee water freely exercising it's will on the cold tile. I darted in causing the bluebird to loose his bird footing and fall, and I stopped to take the time to comfort him as he angrily flew back to my shoulder. Heroically I saved the terrified child, who was for some reason standing frozen in the pee water (why?? why not leave?? ..shrugs shoulders,, kids!). And while still anointed in a rainbow hued glow, threw down two towels stopping the flow from hitting the hallway. I smiled taking a deep calming breath and winked at the bluebird.

It is then that the bird shit on my shoulder and flew off with a muffled "hmmpf" disappearing into a flash of sparkles.

It is also then that I realized my daughter seeds were still SLEEPING and I would be stuck using the bathroom as the "Command Nag Post".

The rainbows dissipated and the Sixlets melted into a globby mess resembling poo. A small tear trailed down my face as I continued to scrub the bathroom floor and yell at daughter seeds who would now certainly be late.

I traveled afar to throw the pee towels in the washer (every step taken harder than the last and with no dang rainbows), forgetting that the clothes IN the washer were clean -AND- that it contained the dress that DramaGirl had divaliciously picked out the night before (that I was supposed to throw in the dryer this morning).

DramaGirl made this world shattering discovery and fell into a heap at my feet sobbing that I wanted her to look ugly today and that I must not love her because I put PEE TOWELS on her fabulous dress!!!

I had ruined her life.

And I stood, in the hall, still in my "DORK" shirt, now adorned with imaginary cartoon bluebird shit and thought:

Tomorrow will be the most WONDERFUL day!!!!

15 Seducing Deductions:

Anonymous said...

LOL LOL -- That was hilarious!!! I was sleeping in this morning and before I even got out of bed, I grabbed my Iphone and was going over posts in my reader. I came upon yours and just laughed and laughed.

When you responded to my post about the popcorn ceiling, it reminded me that I wanted to share this with you:

They apparently had their ceilings scraped, which I think means "sanded". The pictures will show that the ceiling still has texture, but not to the extend of typical popcorn ceilings. I've seen this done with sanding paper on a long pole for smoothing down textured walls, but never ceilings. I think I'll do a bit of research.

You just get back in your rainbow zone and enjoy your Monday!

mac said...

I would have fed that bluebird to my trusty Labrador.
She's a good companion, but NEVER has she deuced on my clothing. Nor, I suspect, will she.
Barfing is a different matter. She would never go potty in the house, but she feels perfectly fine hacking up whatever does not agree with her digestive tract.

But, she is a fine bed warmer. She lays in my spot for about an hour. Then I go to sleep in a nice warm bed, leaving her to roam the house watching for errant birds.

And, she wakes me in the morning just in time to get up so I won't be late for work.

All things considered, she's a fine housemate.

Anonymous said...

Love the Blue bird, he also shits on me a lot...

Dutch donut girl said...

I just love your imagination. I don't know where you get your inspiration, keep it up.

"(then stopped cause it kinda irritated me)"
:) You sounds like a character from Walt Disney's Enchanted movie.

f1trey said...

debating on becoming a bear next halloween .......hehehehe hey number has changed! facebook?

Spuds said...

Yikes! Toilet issues AND dramatic daughter issues at the same time... (shudder). And who cares if a blue bird shat on your shirt! I hear that bluebirds are all assholes anyway! (My two ducks told me!) It will get better! Don't make me ride my white horse down there and whip out my magic plunger!

Anonymous said...

Ill take you to the woods one day with me in an adventure and then you will never be scraed of the big bad bear again....

The Invisible Seductress said...

Jan-worldwide popcorn ceiling eradication will be ours!! evil laugh,,. Hugs and I am glad my silliness made you smile today!!

Mac- Labs are the best---I miss mine now :( give yours a belly rub for's

Gingey-happens far too much--laughing--there oughta be a law against it!! smiling

Ddg- Imagination sounds better than insanity--I love you for using THAT word--laughing..hugs

Trey--no--no bear costumes for you--what happened to your phone??? I'll find ya!! she says trying not to sound like a stalker!

Spuds- PLEASE COME SAVE ME!!! xoxo

Sir Thomas- Sounds interesting..shiver--I gotta get over it,, love nature too much to let it stop the exploring!! winking at ya

Anonymous said...

Bird shits a hand in the bush.

Anonymous said...

Oh, p.s., my bird finger is available for parties.

Blasé said...

Doesn't shit happen at the oddest of times? I'm just glad it cleans up.

trace said...

and here i thought i had spread my cheer, sorry its a genetic urge i went to bed content that i had done my good deed for the day!

The Savage said...

I really am single if that cheers you up any... and I'm pretty okay at toilet fixing....

The Invisible Seductress said...

Bama-Laughing---godd to know!!!

Blase-yes it does!! Imaginary bluebird shit is the worst!!

Savage- wink-blush

The Invisible Seductress said...

Bama--that was supposed to be---Good to know!!!! pay no attention to the woman behind the blog!!! laughing

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