Saturday, March 13, 2010

Saturday Seductress Slips into Something Sexy


.......My T-shirt sheets........man I Love them.....soft and warm.......cozy and......did I say soft??? I always forget how much I heart my t-shirt sheets until they come back into rotation. And then I never want to take them off. I want to swim in their embrace and float off to dream about a day that I do not drop Green Olive jars in Walmart and the "Worlds Biggest Circus Peanut Outlet" moves to MY TOWN (*sigh*)!!!! I would buy 10 sets of them but it's like buying a loaded Yaris every time because they are so damn expensive! I never understood why they are so expensive,, I mean it's just fabric with basic stitching....sheesh...and don't get me started on my wondrous squishy Tempurpedic mattress topper----OYE--- if I were rich I would buy a whole damn Tempurpedic mattress--until then--- I am going to just layer the Tempurpedic pads until I can't feel a pea placed in the middle (as reference to the beautiful Princess I am,,, cough)..... I may end up with a mattress that smuushes me up to my hideous popcorn ceiling,, but it's worth it for the comfort of Tempurpedic wonderfulness and the ease of scraping or covering said hideous popcorn ceiling (WHY????? WHY?????WHY??????).

Speaking of my bed, it is getting NO action,,,, none,,,, zilch,,, zero,,, NADA ACTIONADA! I have not been able to sleep for a while,,,oh wait, you thought I was going all MTV CRIBS on ya ass and was referring to "where it all happens" as in my sexual escapades with the finest of Man-Steeds----well shame on ya----ladies like me don't talk of things like that (and apparently don't get to do them either..sigh...)!!! So,,,, just shame on you for making me go there when I was being innocent and pleading for help with my lack of sleep. What kind of follower-friend are you,,,,, making me fantasize about Man-Steeds this early in the day???? Tssk Tssk,,,,, FOR SHAME!!

No,,,,,,,, there has been a lack of sleep in my lair because my mind is racing all night and then when it FINALLY does calm,, a beagle pup yodels that sad long Beagle howl that makes you tear up because it is soooooooo darn forlorn.......and then...... when she stops forlornly howling and you drift off to sleep, your son's "Rocky The Talking Truck" decides to become possessed AND TALK AT 2AM!!!! "Hey, Buddy you wanna PLAY!!!!" it blares while lighting the living room with an ominous red glow..... and when the lonely Beagle pup hears "Hey Buddy, you wanna play???" SHE DOES WANNA PLAY but realizes she is in a crate and can't so she starts forlornly howling the howl that makes you tear up because it sounds so darn forlorn and then when she FINALLY calms again,,, your toddler has to go to the restroom but does not do it so quietly and the beagle pup hears a child's voice and thinks "he MUST be dropping food on the ground!!" and AGAIN starts howling the............. yada, yada, yada, (which makes me come here with big un-sexy bags under my eyes and commence to write in one big lovely run on sentence about it!!!).


http://www.tracymadison.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/jiminy-cricket1.bmp

.....Criminey Jickets!!!

As I lay staring in the darkness I have thoughts. They would scare you. Not because they are evil or dirty, but because they make no sense at 'tall (I like the word at 'tall- only it's not a word and probably doesn't sound to you like it sounds in my head,,,which is amazing,,, moving on,,,, zzzzzz).

Last night I had a thought, it would scare you (crap, I already said that.......)

I thought of all the things I am and all the things I will become and I thought of one "label" that not too many people can say they will be. Especially because it requires no work on my part!

Wanna hear about it? Of course you do! Here I go:

In my life I would/will have been:

Mom.Sister.Friend.Employee.Employer.Lover.Neighbor.Wife.Ex-wife.Girlfriend.
Doormat.Doubter.Believer.Angel.Sinner and many many more.....

.......but now because of the following statement:

"As we age, we experience decreases in everything from hair and hearing to memory and muscle. Height is also on the list. Starting at about age 40, people typically lose about half an inch each decade, with some faster shrinkage after age 70. Senior citizens may shrink as much as three inches."

...... taken from a medical site.......I can add:


!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DWARF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes folks,,, you heard it here first! I have often joked about being close to the hallowed gates of dwarfdom but now I KNOW that as I age I will definitely become one. With these statistics (at 4' 11" now) I will be legally a dwarf by the time I am 50!!! By age 70, I will be as I started.... in a car seat for safety purposes.

But what pisses ME off is that by the time I could LEGALLY compete in the Dwarf Olympics (I posted about this earlier, and the sadness it brought) I will be too dang old. Is there no limit to the amount of disappointment a sweet soul such as mine shall experience??

Please enjoy this picture of a cheap tramp trying to overcompensate
and hide the fact that SHE IS a cheap tramp by
purchasing high priced worldly items:


The image “http://www.memory-foam-maniac.com/image-files/tempurpedic-mattresses.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

21 Seducing Deductions:

Spuds said...

I am a HUGE hobbit fan... just sayin'

The Savage said...

Pretty AND pocket sized? Not only is that awesome it's pretty hot too....

Blasé said...

You're almost revealing your cleavage in that pic above this post...

I like that about you. You take your sweet time before smothering us with your boobs.

BamaTrav said...

Did you ditch my comment from earlier? I forgot what I said. Oh, yeah, I remember now.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Spuds- wink

Savage- hot future dwarfs approved this message. hugs

Blase- laughing--I'll show a little more next time--wink

Bama- would never ditch your comments!!! hug

Sir Thomas AKA (Winters Reaper) said...

oh what happened to my ....

oh well you have shocked me into never never land with your beauty...


WOW......

BamaTrav said...

Oh, I said something about it being cold here today, overcast and windy and wondering if it was o.k. to get under the t shirt sheets. At least I asked first.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Sir- *blush* wink hug

Bama- smiling--you'd never want to leave--they are so cozy!!!

Crunk said...

What are these magical T-shirt sheets?! I've never heard of them.

The best things come in small packages!! (except probablt willies. but I was refering to you) You knew that!

X

Crunk said...

And I meant "probably" not "probablt"

I know you probably realise that, but my OCD is screaming at me to say something just in case. Argh damn my mind tank, it's leaking!!!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Crunk- You sir crack me up!! I have the SAME word OCD!!! T-shirt sheets rock----u should buy a set!!!!!!

now plug up the mind tank---you'll need it--smiling!!!!

mac said...

So this is what I miss because I work all danged weekend?

My baby sister is 4'10". She missed it by less than you.
The whole idea is funny, the rest of us are average to tall. My dad was 6'4, brother 6'2, I'm 5'11, sister 5'8", and Mom is 5'7...then baby Sis :-)

And WTF (that question again) is with kids being so much taller now? They seem to get taller every generation.

Sir Thomas AKA (Winters Reaper) said...

Ok now that I have recovered damn you for doing that to me, but not really.
T-shirts soft white or blue or hell it does not matter what color… and worn to the point of
*poof* they are gone.

Oh wait trouble sleeping? I can help you with that and kill two birds with one stone…. I can read you a story and put you right to sleep… promise.

And you know it’s a funny thing about things we have been… I have a idea about a post of just such and if you would like to see how it works.. send me your top 8 things…


xoxo

The Invisible Seductress said...

Mac-My kid is as tall as me and she's 11!! sigh--not sure...you didn't miss anything I saved a spot for you!!! wink

Sir-Top 8---let me think...And,,,I am sure you could help with the sleep.but your stories keep me up daydreaming--or night dreaming--hmmmmm..wink

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Oh, sweet sis, do I reveal that according to your research I am already a dwarf? Yes, I am 4'8". For real. But that's the same height as former US gold medal gymnast and cutie, Mary Lou Retton. I would need a car seat, yes. But I'm not a dwarf, though..I don't think. I cannot believe it. I refuse to believe it! One day all those less than 5'0 tall shall rule the universe. What a wonderful world it would be.
Hugs to someone I look up to.
Robyn

The Invisible Seductress said...

RR--I don't want to tell you yes or no..but you COULD be competing in their Olympics. What sport shall I sign you up for? Boccia Ball looks fun!!!
Whadoya say???? We will rule the world!!! But,,,,my hair is like a good two inches on top if I back comb it....laughing....hugs back cause i think we would see eye to eye!!! ;)

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

OMG, I'm cracking up. I'm not sure what Boccia Ball is, so I probably wouldn't excel at it. Then again, the competition of dwarfs can't be that good. Pound for pound, I'm pretty damn tough. On third thought, I might do better at the Special Olympics.
Little big hugs to you, tall woman!
Robyn

Doctor FTSE said...

I think you should eat less chocolate. Chocolate keeps one awake. Jacks up the seratonin, or something. I think there is a word for "morbid dread of chocolate", but I don't know what it is. Spray-on chocolate sounds fun, but I can't find a website that sells it. Life's gettin' more depressing by the day.

jinksy said...

Doc should try Nutella - it doesn't spray on, but would spread easily, I'm sure, and leave a tasty amount ready to lick off. Not good to mix with jersey sheets,though. (Jersey is the correct name for Tshirt fabric - I put this in for all pedants.) The howling hound dog might be kept quiet with Nutella too...

The Invisible Seductress said...

Doctor- laughing--no chocolate is depressing!!!

Jinsky-my hero you naughty little minx you!! hug

Doctor FTSE said...

Everyone (except Jinksy, it seems) knows that "Nutella" is the correct word for a female nutter. And the correct name for Tshirt fabric is actually "lint" - an contraction of "Lindt", a type of chocolate which won't wash off your T-shirt, hence the confusion. "Jersey" is a place in the UK Channel Islands, although a newer version can be found on the US East Coast.

Inv.Seduc . . you are Soooo lucky. J. has taken you to heart and has adopted you, She stalks me . . all over the www. OhOhOh . . whatever will become of me?

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