Tuesday, March 2, 2010

%$#@!***&^%$#$%!!!!!!!!!!!

I was duped. It is easy to do. Sadly I listen closely to people and believe they have only my best interests in mind. Sadly people are asinine.

But this was with my own flesh and blood. The spawns who are not supposed to outwit their mother, but do on a daily basis. They outnumber me, It s scary, being eaten by bears almost sounds tame compared to raising dramatic intelligent girls.

But this one was just a childlike verbal prank. Let us make Mommy look silly,, we own her!

"Mom,,,,, I got a word WRONG on my spelling test. The word was -WAY- my eldest confided.

"Geeze" I said, wondering where I had gone wrong in the intellect portion of child development, "that is really not tough one kiddo!!!"

MsDebate jumps to retort: "I spelled it right Mom,, the teacher lied!!..........(pause for effect, dramatic spelling bee reenactment)......... F-W-A-Y!!! "

I verbally pounced to correct my mini-me, bursting loudly like a mom does:

There is NO F-IN WAY!!!!!!!!!!

(putting emphasis on just the right syllables)

WAIT,,,,WHAT???

Laughter ensued followed by finger pointing and the ceremonial "repeating of the punch line":

There is no F IN WAY!!! There is NO F IN WAY!!!!



Yes, they are at THAT age. Things like that are cool. I must admit I laughed with them on this one, and I traveled back to me at that age and the subject of duped cursing.

Wanna hear about it? Of course you do!! Here I go:

My brother was a sly one. One time he bet me I could not find 4 words that rhymed with "DUCK". Well, YES I CAN (Obama got that from me in 1978,, no royalties have been applied to my account as of yet)!!!!!

I went down the alphabet and screamed out anything that sounded remotely like a word.

A-uck---noooo---B-uck--BUCK, BUCK!!!!!! C-uck---cuck?? noooo---DUCK!!!! E-uck....noooo...F---- $@*&!!!!!!! $@*&!!!!!!!!
(Mom intervention,,,,, soap in mouth)

We lived in Georgia close to the Six Flags Theme Park and were inundated with Six Flags marketing. There was a commercial that was done in a jazzy-bluesy rhythm that I liked. It had simple lyrics: Get your Pass, Get your Pass, Get your Pass to Six Flags!!!!!
When you brush your teeth you lose proper pronunciation of certain letters, "P" being one of them. I was heard screaming:
Get your ASS, Get your ASS,, Get your ASS to SIX FLAGS!!!!!!

(note: soap-after toothpaste is VILE)


We had Tokay Geckos growing up. Beautiful temperamental lizards known to be vocal with mating calls at night. Most call out: "Toe-KAY" ---"Toe-Kay"!!!! (try it at home for maximum interactive blog fun!!)

After getting a new pet and going to sleep, we were awakened by a strange voice in the house saying : A-HOLE - A-HOLE!!!
(Geckos hate eating soap, but my mom was just being fair)

My dad told me a story about his youth. He told me of the following poem that he had made up to impress his friends:

I went to the DAM to get some DAM water,
the DAM man said: You can't have no DAM water!!
so I told the DAM man: You can keep your DAM water!!

MY FATHER WAS A DAMN GENIUS!!!!!!

(Mom didn't know him yet, I assume there was no soaping)



Please enjoy THIS Leopard Gecko singing "Hit me with your rhythm stick!":




hit me with that rhythm stick!!!!! HIT ME!!!!!!

12 Seducing Deductions:

The Savage said...

I don't know if this will get them back but it's the cleanest one I have.

Ever look up in the sky and see geese flying? Ever notice how one line in the "V" always looks longer than the other? You know why that is?
There are more geese on that side!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Savage-Laughing!!!! I needed that this morning!!

Jan @ bobbypinsboardwalk said...

HAHAHA! Best line: "We own her" -- do they ever!

mac said...

My uncle Joe was always using that kind of thing.

He "Got Down And Swum a Ditch" used, for unknown reasons "Cheese and Rice"

And never said STFU. Instead he would say, "Shut the FRONT Door!"

Of course There's always the Roman Maroni aproach ?

Heff said...

Was that a GOD DAM ?

BamaTrav said...

We should totally have a blog affair, when you having your alone time that is, ;)

Realliveman said...

Great blog. I will be back for more!

f1trey said...

hehehhehe nice....

The Invisible Seductress said...

Jan-They really do,,,and it terrifies me!!

Mac- Cheese and rice!! He sounds like a character!!

Heff- Probably,, my dad WAS very religious!!

Bama- laughing-- wink--you following me?

Reallive- Thanks--I stopped by your great place too!! :)

Trey- Hugs!!!!!!!!

Sir Thomas AKA (Winters Reaper) said...

I lived there to for awhile and I could see they sayin get your ass in here....



*laughs*

Blasé said...

I'm all about YOUR "best interests".....trust me.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Sir Thomas- let's go to Six Flags...I'm a roller coaster whore--smiling

Blase- I know you do and feel comforted daily by this...HUGS

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