Monday, March 22, 2010

Oh, I HAVE found LOVE... the pickle aisle...
...and it is GOOD!!

Here's how it went down

You wanna hear about it? Of course you do! Here I go:

I was meandering down the hallowed corridors of my gangstally enhanced Winn Dixie, ever vigilant of stray bullets and aisle "fight club" demonstrations. Innocently, I passed by rows of products taped up completely (apparently packing tape detracts shoplifters here,, who knew? *shrugs*). I finally arrived safely to my beloved destination:

....................PICKLE AISLE.....................
(add harpsichord with dramatic flair here)

The heavens opened up and rays of light fell down accentuating the beauty of each individual jar of Green Olives. My brand, the words "Mt. Olive" jumping out at me, always reminds me of a Mountain I would like to --NAY-- a Mountain I NEED to traverse: The Mt. of Olive, certainly a grand place indeed!

I reached out with a smile and a sweet taste lingering in my mouth, one victorious grab later, I was fondling a jar bigger than my head (I have a small head, but it 'twas a BIG jar). Carefully, I two-hand the glass receptacle of Olivey goodness and place it safely in the "one wheel is jammed, damm'it" cart. **There will be no green olives sacrificed to the floor God's on this day, I would handle with care - assuring the jar is not dropped and each olive is protected from harm (until I get them home and ravage their little green bodies by sucking the pimento out).**

But a stray light from the heavens shone on a foreign product!!
(angelic singing helps with this visual,, do it ,, please,, because my blog is an interactive journey to the center of my insanity and it's a cool place to visit! Not so much to live tho..sigh)


What mystery befalls me?

I let out a sturdy:

"What the??"

.. and went in to investigate.

"Pickled..... Okra??????" I said softly, full of question and wonder.

"What the HALIBUT is PICKLED OKRA?" spoken, this time in questioning to children who had upturned noses and smart Alec responses like:

"I don't want to know!!!"
(courtesy of DramaGirl)


"It's a SIN, that's what it is!!!"
(MsDebates verbal love child)
See,,,even the lid says: "delicious and crisp"!

!!!!! YES !!!!!

I MUST traverse this new RELISH MOUNTAIN OFFERING illuminated from the generous PICKLE GOD'S!!!

A jar of PICKLED OKRA was then deftly placed next to the already specially chosen jar of sweet green olive surrender, to ride together in the "one wheel is jammed, damm'it" cart, to the freedom of the Seductress residence.

Later in the day I succumbed to it's beckoning.

I opened the jar of wondered anticipation and took in my first smell of the bounty before me.

Nervously, I plucked one stalk from the security it once knew as "home", to introduce it to a new dwelling place, a better dwelling place, where it would fulfill it's destiny to become my meal.

I ate one, then two, then a third as I sighed in relishy pleasure.

"Where have you been, my sweet relish and why did I travel this life for so long with out you?"

I have experienced the wonder and amazement that is:


....and it has changed my refrigerators mandatory item list FOREVER!!!!
(cue pounding music, for the dramatic end of post)

Please enjoy the "Pickle song": (because no one has made a "Pickled Okra" song or even a "Green Olive" dance! YouTube is festered with bastards of relish discrimination! I cry onto you, we must make a stand against it, together, we can enlighten millions with a viral vegetable video revolt. Ah hell, just enjoy the "pickle song" I am getting all activisty here):

13 Seducing Deductions:

Anonymous said...

Next time try the pickled halibut. Scrumptious it is indeed. Kisses.

Crunk said...

When my eyes first glanced over this I though it said "pickled Orca" as in a killer whale. I was a like "Whaaaat, no waaayyy!" But then I read it properly ans was like "Ohhhhhh, riiiight."

As always, nice post. I was all like "Haha, she's funny and shit."

Seriously though, I love the way you find a story in everyday life situation and turn it into an entertaining story that is a pleasure to read.

Heff said...

Don't feel bad. From what I've heard, MANY women have "loved" a pickle from time to time !

Bwahahahaaa !!!

Anonymous said...

Let’s just say three things came to mind here…

1. Jealousy started to set in now that you had found a new love.

2. I had never wanted to be an olive as much as I had then.

3. I could not believe that somebody else on this earth loved those things as much as me…. I love the extra spicy ones and this wanted to make me change number three to an okra.


jinksy said...

For me, it's always a fight between pickled silverskin onions and cocktail gherkins...Mmmmmm

The Invisible Seductress said...

Bama- never tried that....hmmmmm...gangsta Winn Dixie trip??? Kisses back!

Crunk- NOOOO!!! Pickled Orca!!! laughing *winks*

Heff- Hmmm...what do YOU mean??...wink

Sir- You wanna be a Green olive?? Laughing!! xoxo

Jinsky-Never tried those either--I must be in relish heaven!!! loves me a good gherkin too!!!! hugs

The Savage said...

I like pickled cocktail onions... mmmmmmm yummy.
And pickled garlic....
I want to rig up a cluster of pickled olives and okra and feed you on a divan like the pockets sized goddess you are should be fed....

LiLu said...

I love anything pickled. Truth.

Have you ever had fried pickle chips?? AMAZING.

f1trey said...

just keep the kids at bay while you dine! hehehe

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Oh dear, I hope I didn't negatively influence you by way of that pickle comment on my Monday Minute post. I really didn't mean to get you thinking differently about pickles, my dear. Let's just get back to re-focusing on that delightfully pristine green olive. Shall we? Or perhaps I can offer you some regular ole Hershey's chocolate..?

The Invisible Seductress said...

Savage- Goddess is smiling.....urp

Lilu- fried pickle chips and I want some!!

Trey- my oldest is a green olive freak too!! scary!!! xoxo

RR- OMG- you crack me up!!!!!! hugs and yes Hershey's sound great after a pickle binge!! But all of this is bad for our training regime!! Us Boccia NEEDS US!!!

Anonymous said...

I am a believer!!! Can't find them near my summer digs. HELP!!!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Anon- I don't know.. You need to be hooked up tho!! It is heavenly!! ;}

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