Saturday Seductress Slips into Something Sexy

.......My T-shirt sheets........man I Love them.....soft and warm.......cozy and......did I say soft??? I always forget how much I heart my t-shirt sheets until they come back into rotation. And then I never want to take them off. I want to swim in their embrace and float off to dream about a day that I do not drop Green Olive jars in Walmart and the "Worlds Biggest Circus Peanut Outlet" moves to MY TOWN (*sigh*)!!!! I would buy 10 sets of them but it's like buying a loaded Yaris every time because they are so damn expensive! I never understood why they are so expensive,, I mean it's just fabric with basic stitching....sheesh...and don't get me started on my wondrous squishy Tempurpedic mattress topper----OYE--- if I were rich I would buy a whole damn Tempurpedic mattress--until then--- I am going to just layer the Tempurpedic pads until I can't feel a pea placed in the middle (as reference to the beautiful Princess I am,,, cough)..... I may end up with a mattress that smuushes me up to my hideous popcorn ceiling,, but it's worth it for the comfort of Tempurpedic wonderfulness and the ease of scraping or covering said hideous popcorn ceiling (WHY????? WHY?????WHY??????).

Speaking of my bed, it is getting NO action,,,, none,,,, zilch,,, zero,,, NADA ACTIONADA! I have not been able to sleep for a while,,,oh wait, you thought I was going all MTV CRIBS on ya ass and was referring to "where it all happens" as in my sexual escapades with the finest of Man-Steeds----well shame on ya----ladies like me don't talk of things like that (and apparently don't get to do them either..sigh...)!!! So,,,, just shame on you for making me go there when I was being innocent and pleading for help with my lack of sleep. What kind of follower-friend are you,,,,, making me fantasize about Man-Steeds this early in the day???? Tssk Tssk,,,,, FOR SHAME!!

No,,,,,,,, there has been a lack of sleep in my lair because my mind is racing all night and then when it FINALLY does calm,, a beagle pup yodels that sad long Beagle howl that makes you tear up because it is soooooooo darn forlorn.......and then...... when she stops forlornly howling and you drift off to sleep, your son's "Rocky The Talking Truck" decides to become possessed AND TALK AT 2AM!!!! "Hey, Buddy you wanna PLAY!!!!" it blares while lighting the living room with an ominous red glow..... and when the lonely Beagle pup hears "Hey Buddy, you wanna play???" SHE DOES WANNA PLAY but realizes she is in a crate and can't so she starts forlornly howling the howl that makes you tear up because it sounds so darn forlorn and then when she FINALLY calms again,,, your toddler has to go to the restroom but does not do it so quietly and the beagle pup hears a child's voice and thinks "he MUST be dropping food on the ground!!" and AGAIN starts howling the............. yada, yada, yada, (which makes me come here with big un-sexy bags under my eyes and commence to write in one big lovely run on sentence about it!!!).

.....Criminey Jickets!!!

As I lay staring in the darkness I have thoughts. They would scare you. Not because they are evil or dirty, but because they make no sense at 'tall (I like the word at 'tall- only it's not a word and probably doesn't sound to you like it sounds in my head,,,which is amazing,,, moving on,,,, zzzzzz).

Last night I had a thought, it would scare you (crap, I already said that.......)

I thought of all the things I am and all the things I will become and I thought of one "label" that not too many people can say they will be. Especially because it requires no work on my part!

Wanna hear about it? Of course you do! Here I go:

In my life I would/will have been:

Mom.Sister.Friend.Employee.Employer.Lover.Neighbor.Wife.Ex-wife.Girlfriend.
Doormat.Doubter.Believer.Angel.Sinner and many many more.....

.......but now because of the following statement:

"As we age, we experience decreases in everything from hair and hearing to memory and muscle. Height is also on the list. Starting at about age 40, people typically lose about half an inch each decade, with some faster shrinkage after age 70. Senior citizens may shrink as much as three inches."

...... taken from a medical site.......I can add:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DWARF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes folks,,, you heard it here first! I have often joked about being close to the hallowed gates of dwarfdom but now I KNOW that as I age I will definitely become one. With these statistics (at 4' 11" now) I will be legally a dwarf by the time I am 50!!! By age 70, I will be as I started.... in a car seat for safety purposes.

But what pisses ME off is that by the time I could LEGALLY compete in the Dwarf Olympics (I posted about this earlier, and the sadness it brought) I will be too dang old. Is there no limit to the amount of disappointment a sweet soul such as mine shall experience??

Please enjoy this picture of a cheap tramp trying to overcompensate
and hide the fact that SHE IS a cheap tramp by
purchasing high priced worldly items: