March 29, 2010 at exactly 3:10PM

...........IT HAPPENED

Well,,,,,, let me go back to 2:57PM so you will understand.

I was cleaning up another mess and there was a knock at the Seductress residential grand entryway. I was a hot mess so my first thought was: DAMMIT', people always come when I look like Fiona the Ogre, not Fiona the Princess.*sigh*. But then,,, I trumped that line of thinking with this one: if I was Judy Jetson I could put a face on BEFORE I actually GOT to the door......but no.....wait,,,,,, if I WAS in fact Judy Jetson, Rosie the robot would GET the door -and- if I was still needed, I could actually project a hologram image of myself, all dolled up, to the doorway and handle the situation from another room, while still looking like Fiona the Ogre....and then I think I sighed again (but I'm not sure it may have been a muffled burp).

It was the mail person (see how political correct I was saying mail person instead of mail man, yes I paid attention to Mr. Rogers).

She had a letter that needed to be signed for (never good) and another pile of envelopes, handed to me with a smile (as a bonus)... WHAT!!!!!????? No Sephora Summer Campaign book??(DAMMIT' # Dos) I sighed again, (it was really a sigh this time) and plopped down on the chair, noticing that my son had uncleaned what I just cleaned,,,(DAMMIT' # Tres).

So at exactly 3:10PM,,, after reading my mail:

I threw my paws in the air and gave up.

That's it! I give up! I can't fight 24 hours a day. Nothing good is happening. The bad is compounding. So, I give up!!!! I JUST GIVE UP!!!!!!

Wait,,,I'll go into a Que Sera, Sera mode, I thought.. You know the.. "whatever will be, will be!" philosophy crap. I'll make a fine Doris Day..... And then my mind traveled back to bonfire singing, with goopy shamores (say it my way please) and wishing the lightening bugs would spell out my name in the dark summer sky...and... Sneaking away from camp to kiss sticky shamore faced boys.... and.... feet so dirty they were black for a week.

.....And for a moment,,,,, I was relieved of stress. (Until the Animal Planet imagery of a bear attack jumped into my head and dammed my wonderful camping trip hallucination all to hell... (DAMMIT # Cuatro).

--FACEPALM--
I tried to told ya!!!

It's been a bumpy road folks, I won't bore you with the details. But not a lot of happy things have been happening. A good friend said to me "keep on dancing and pretty soon YOUR song will come up". Now that was solid advice from a wise man, but the last time I "danced", a clutzy drunk guy "twirled" me with no notice, my foot got stuck to something on the dance floor (it was a ritzy establishment) and I ended up in the ER all night -and- my knee is STILL screwed up!!!! (DAMMIT #Cinco)

....But I liked that statement a lot! It is really a sweet way to look at it.

I think maybe I need to look life as a pool game. I've been behind the eight a lot of times and came out victorious. But some games when I am a few balls down, I have to stop and think: "what am I doing differently here?" The truth is, most games you lose, you lose because you didn't do YOUR best, not because the other player/game was actually better than you. Maybe I am focusing too much on my NEXT shot and not enough on the one right in front of me. Well, if I don't make the shot right here, right now, I will never get the chance to make the next one. I need to slow down.

If I stop and follow through every shot, most of the time I will get back on track. And then, when I hear that eight ball make its un-mistakeably wonderful "CRACK" on the inside of the pocket that I previously proclaimed it would, it is so so much sweeter. (And I get to "brain dance" to victories wonderful music, it sounds like "Eye of the Tiger" in my head)

So maybe the fight reminds you of how nice the calm really is. And maybe I wouldn't appreciate the simple things like I do if I haven't had to fight so hard for all of them. And maybe,,,,,, I am strong enough to keep the fight up for the duration, because the alternative is being bear bait (cringe,,,,eeeep).

So at 4:28 PM on March 29, 2010..... I decided,,, NOT to give up.

Even if I don't make it through this life the way I envision or wished I would, I know my song WILL come up. And although I may not dance to it, and risk a: (DAMMIT' #Seis),,,, you can be damn sure I will be singing out loud and awaiting my STANDING OVATION!

OH,,,,,,COME ON,,,,REALLY??????!!!!!!!

At exactly 8:04PM my puppy shit on my floor,,,,, (DAMMIT SEIS!!!!)

You knew I would get there didn't ya?????...smiling....I heart you all for listening!!!


****the preceding post was brought to you by:

Depends Undergarments
will you need them? Well that depends!

and by

Tang
"Um, it really doesnt taste as good
as you remember it did as a kid"
we are very sorry"