Action in my Lair......WOO HOO............

When MTV came to my house to film a special episode called:

"SEDUCTRESS CRIBS"

...they wanted me to show my bedroom, pat my elaborate bed and seductively say:

"This is where ALL the "MAGIC" happens!!"

So after stocking my fridge with Crist-AL....

and the baby pool with pretty, pretty Partay people:



(actually, it was very short notice)

*sigh*

I had to explain to MTV that if by "MAGIC" they meant:

..staring at the ceiling fan blades wondering HOW THE HALIBUT I neglected to dust that ONE freaking blade last time,,, then yes......

"MAGIC"!!

No one has been in the Seductresses lair for quite some time, which means the Thermapedic Mattress Topper (NOT MATTRESS,,,, SIGH) can envelope me from the direct middle of the bed. (also, shouldn't the Thermapedic people be sending me a free mattress for all this free advertisement?)

Middle of the bed lounging....

AHHHHHHH
(jealous much?)
(didn't think so...)

No MAN FLANK has been there to reconstitute my dehydrated womanhood.

You can tell this is painfully true because I just said:

"No MAN FLANK has been there to reconstitute my dehydrated womanhood"

(And that just sounds WRONG!!!)

But this would all change...... Sunday Night!!!

.......My bed would see ACTION!!!!!!!

Because.............

Sunday night a string of thunderstorms rolled through Central Florida. We were having Tornado watches and warnings and many cows asked for my assistance in tethering them to fences and posts around the community. It was a noisy affair!

My son fell asleep with no problems as I sent the girls to bed and sat to watch Celebrity Apprentice, because Donald Trump's hairstyle ALWAYS surprises me.. (No, not really).

A few moments into my "The house is quiet, make funny faces and be happier than I really should be time" time,,,,, it abruptly ended.

Seems the thunder and lightening scared the Snickety out of my young daughters and I was the only remedy. And Snickety coming out of TWO TWEENS at 10:19PM on a Sunday night is kinda like when someone flushes the toilet whilst you are in the shower and you do that painfully awkward, back archy, arm flail and squeal thing.

So,,, it was decided that they would sleep in MY bed.

Not by me,,, but by the evil mini-me's that apparently own the now obsolete "make your own decisions" neurological connection center in my brain.

No,,,,,, SORRY,,,,,, I wasn't excited about this sleep over because the last time ONE of my daughters slept in my room she was wearing a tank top and I ended up with a pre-teen armpit face mask,,,,,, and before I knew it,,,,, in an attempt to scream for the removal of said pre-teen armpit face mask,,,,,,,, the action of speaking caused an armpit farty, zerbert thing to happen,,,,,, which was funny only AFTER the fact,,,,,, but added to the emergent removal of said pre-teen child from my bed.

But,, the little one decided to sleep horizontally at the foot of the bed (which wouldn't work in a household where the mom is of normal height,, but worked perfectly in mine). And the eldest promised she would stay on her side as she put my "man" pillow between us as a barrier,, only after making jokes at my expense because "Mom has a pillow she hugs and calls... MAN"... And apparently that is funny.....Is it????? IS IT REALLY?????

But something happened as we all lay there in the now dark room being punctuated with lightening and periodic girl screams at the thunder..(mine included).....

...The girly giggles welled up inside us all and we laughed.

I laughed like I hadn't laughed in a long, long while.

And those little giggles coming out of my daughters were worthy of being bottled and

sold like:

BOTTLES OF THE FINEST CRISTAL

.....To be uncorked each time you forget what it feels like to have no cares.

I even cocked the fart leg gun (because farts are ALWAYS funny people) and tried for a rapid fire attack (but alas,, me being an extremely demure and feminine specimen of supreme woman creation,, I had no ammo,, so I had to fake it with elaborate sheet maneuvering and mouth noises,, just sayn').

I didn't sleep the whole night.

But it was OK.

BECAUSE..........

My oldest started rubbing my back.....FOR FREE.......

AND.......

.......before she fell off into slumber,, my youngest rubbed my foot,,, (which was hanging out a few inches from her head) and said the sweetest thing:

"I don't know why Mom, but having your foot here makes me feel secure, That's weird I know, but,,,,, I love you, Mom..."

And what happened then?

Well, in Seductressville they say,,

Mommy Grinch's too small
(bed hogging)

HEART...

.....grew THREE sizes that day!