Monday, April 19, 2010

My contribution to the OCD fixed

OCD Pictures, Images and Photos

OCD Pictures, Images and Photos

I had another vivid dream last night. I was normal. I looked normal with no edge, acted normal with no spunk and did normal things. My vision wasn't askew and in fluorescent color. There were no random acts of insanity, cool dance moves or bad, "on the fly" jokes, all was still and "normal". It was bizarre. It was a nightmare. I would rather you (and the world) look at me as insane than as molded into a cookie cutter woman.

I woke up and my first thought was: Why am I craving a big fat "Green Olive?"........ All is well.......
.......... I have made it through another night with my insanity in tact.

......And I am having 5 Green Olives for breakfast.......Why 5????? Because 4 wouldn't fill me up and 6 would make me want 7 and.......... 7 would just be WRONG!!!!!!

I realized that I am a pretty laid back soul. There are few things that get my feathers ruffled.

Every one is an Angel until their feathers get ruffled!!

I don't need to own the finest things money can buy to smile. In fact when faced with losing everything, I don't fear the loss of things. It's the loss of control that scares me. I can always replace the things. With that being said there is one item in my house that I am particularly protective of.

Wanna hear about it? Of course you do!! Here I go:

My "special" couch

I got it years ago and fell in love with it the first time I saw it. I stalked it. I dreamt about it, it's lines, it's fabric. I got it. For some reason there was an unspoken rule that no one sit on it. And no one has.......for years...I dust my couch...

No,,,,, it's not covered in a couch condom and no,,,, I don't bow to it in the morning (I do that at night) but everyone in my house knows not to touch it, not to sit on it,, and sticky paws will be severely punished if they come close to it!

Now how could someone with 3 kids and a puppy be so anal about a couch and expect it to remain pristine? Why not?

It's about proper training! You get a water spritzer and spray them in the face when they go near it and they learn pretty fast not to!! (don't judge me, it's just water! Laughing)

As a kid if I dropped a BIG GULP plastic convenience store cup I would hear "That's exactly why we can't have NICE things!!!"......It's a 7-11 cup......REALLY????

I don't want to be like that....but...... stay the hell off my couch!! I want ONE nice thing in my house---kid free---Is that too much to ask?


One day I bee-bopped around the corner and saw MsDebate.... sitting... on... my... couch....

This is our verbal interaction:

Me: (voice quivering)...Uh...Whatchya doin'?

MsDebate: Sittin'

Me: Oh ,,,,,,,, sittin' where?

MsDebate: On YOUR couch, Mom,,,,, Really,,,, it's a couch,,, get over it, I am the oldest and I am gonna sit on it.

Me: And I have no say? (tear rolls slowly down a stunned cheek)

MsDebate: *****shrugs*****'s time let go Mom.....

Me: Listen,,,,, I don't need a COUCH INTERVENTION from you, I want it to stay nice, When you go to your dads house perhaps I shall sleep in your bed,, drool on your pillow and fart nice long farts between your sheets. And my nose,,, well it's been pretty boogary and of course I won't feel like getting up and getting a tissue,,, so..... You sit on my couch, I sleep in ya bed.. ......GOOD TALK...

MsDebate gets up and sits on the love seat. No words are spoken. Goal accomplished!!

Now here are 3 things I know I have OCD over....

These Ottomans MUST stay perfectly in line with the edge of the coffee table AND rug:

These curtains MUST pool on the floor LIKE THIS:

.....painted stained glass windows!

These pillows MUST stay on their tippy toes at all times:

The Seductress' Royal Lair
(now all of you go: Ooooooh-awwwwww-WOW!!)

.....AND I have a BIG GULP cup that must never be disrespected.

.....cause I like having nice things!!!

P.S. Sadly none of you could ever come over to my house now because I know you well enough to know that you would inevitably HAVE to kick one of my Ottomans out of place or sit on my couch to experience my response. I am having legal documents drawn up for visitors to sign prior to their entrance into my home as a precautionary measure. Once the documents are finalized and the ramifications of Ottoman kicking and pillow knocking are clear, you may visit.

....GOOD TALK.....

13 Seducing Deductions:

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I'll hang out with Danny on the front porch, hon. No worries. Yes, you are OCD about your couch, but we wouldn't have it any other way. We love you for it. Don't go having any more nightmares about being normal now.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

You are not OCD over one couch. That is impossible the definition of OCD. Personally I like to be totally crazy and unreasonable about one thing. With me it's socks that like around on the floor or god help me, touch the bed. Like shoes on the bed that is just a slap in the face. Now you can have your socks ON while on the bed but not off and thrown on the bed. I don't know why that bothers me so much but it does. In porn movies the women that wear footwear and nothing else are not sexy. They are selfish.

So you stay crazy. I love the way you end your conversations by saying GOOD TALK. I must add that to my child discussion bag o tricks.

And for some reason we can't see the pics. Doesn't ruin the tale but doesn't give it the enhancement it deserves.

JennyMac said...

Couch intervention cracked me up. I dont think you are OCD over one couch. :)

IT said...

Yup, you definitely don't want me at your house.

bulnistr is the veriword

The Savage said...

I see lotsa places on that bed I can tie ropes too... *wink*

mac said...

I'm a love seat kind of guy anyway. It means everybody has to sit closer. That's a good thing :-)

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I'm a bit late but I have something for you on my blog here:

Thanks for all your fantastic blogging! You are a great read! - G

The Invisible Seductress said...

RRg-You can always come in!!!! hugs

Cal- I am glad I found you!!!

Jenny-Thanks for believing in my sanity ;)

It- would ya kick my Ottomans??


Mac- You are right!!!!! =3

Bama-Yes you are...just a smashing gentleman!! hugs

Georgina-Thank you so much!!!!! Lots of hugs and smiles!! You made my day!!!

Slyde said...

ive talked about my OCD before. it was REALLY bad when i was a kid, but ive beaten back the worst of it..

f1trey said...

rock me baby..... im sorry folks are lettin ya know where i get ma vote.... xxxx oooo trey

mac said...

I had to chime in one more time.

I used to work at King's Sofa Shop. The King always sold the best of furniture. Experienced as I am, trust me when I say, "That couch is sofa king nice!"

Anonymous said...

tie ropes to the bed to keep it down.....

*laughs* you have to bring it....


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