Wednesday, April 28, 2010


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warning Pictures, Images and Photos

I never claim to be sane. In fact I probably am one of the most honest and open insane peeps you'll ever send Green Olives and mascara to. But,,,, I am usually intelligent enough to use products with safety in mind. Like I don't normally blow dry my hair while taking a bath. I have however,,, been tempted a few times to curl my hair while sleeping. (I am glad THAT warning was on my Conair!!!). I do know NOT to eat the silica gel packets when I come across them in my new shoe boxes.

Do I put grocery store plastic bags on my head,,, nope..

Running with scissors,,, maybe,,,,,

....but only because it makes me feel a bit scandalous!!!


I didn't really read the bottle of super glue whilst I was using it to bedazzle my drama queens cast (story at 11!!) until AFTER three of my fingers were stuck together and my thumb was no longer opposable ( I never felt closer to being a dog than I did at that very moment,,,, yelp).

The bottle,,,,, just to be clear,..., says avoid contact with skin!! It also states if there is a skin contact issue...... get finger nail polish remover,, sigh of relief.....

I HAVE finger nail polish remover!!!

Ever get into a situation in which you KNOW you will recover from and you KNOW it's not a big deal but you feel trapped in a way that causes you to panic in a way that is probably not normal for an adult? Did ya ever?

(Dramatic silence designed specifically so that you can verbally insert your "I was trapped and I panicked " story here.... go ahead.... don't be shy.... we'll wait......)

OK,,, FINE,,,, don't play along.... here's one of my "I was trapped and I panicked" stories, so there is not blog dead air...... I hate an awkward blog post silence......

One day I was in the restroom of the courthouse for jury duty and my panty hose somehow got twisted around the sturdy and fabulous swirly bracelet I was wearing... I could not free them. And of course I didn't want to get a run in my panty hose and be all unkempt all day,,, so,,, yes,,, it was a nail biting experience!!

Those hose were twisted up so badly I found myself doing a masterfully orchestrated Cirque Du Soleil contortionist act to try and take them off..... but I couldn't get my wrist out of the bracelet,,,,, so basically I ended up standing there hoping to God they didn't call my name and with my hand firmly attached to my side,, waddling like a penguin.

When they DID call my name,, I started to cry,,, (cause I had been in the restroom for 30 minutes by that time and I was lonely and amiss). Ten minutes later a (barely) female bailiff came looking for me and I screamed out for help. I also questioned why I was the only woman who had to urinate,, in such a long expanse of time (which she thought not even the slightest bit comical).

She brought me scissors and I cut my way to freedom and thanked God that I had at least taken the time to do a "drive by" shave on my legs that morning. This situation as a whole was apparently humorous enough for the (almost) female bailiff to share in the court room. I know this because the Honorable Judge cracked up when he saw me, the (slightly) female-ish bailiff was uncontrollably seizing with laughter and everyone else snickered as I passed by shaking my head and apologizing for the delay.

I did not get chosen for that trial and I threw away the bracelet of doom.

Where was I going with this? Gosh sometimes I lose myself,, You're still reading?

Wow,,, I owe you a pimped out relish tray don't I??????

relish tray Pictures, Images and Photos
Nom Nom Nommy Nom

Oh yes,,, now I remember...My fingers are stuck together and my elbow has been bedazzled with two gems via...

"The Great Super glue Catastrophe of 2010"

Smart Cat Pictures, Images and Photos

I DO have fingernail polish remover,, but alas ,, IT IS NON-ACETONE fingernail polish remover,,, and the warning label specifically states ACETONE FINGER AIL POLISH...

Yes,,I HAVE NON- ACETONE F'N fingernail polish remover
(I say again harshly for dramatic emphasis).

I then freak out in a way that is probably not normal for an adult,,, but I still decide to soak in it and see what happens, I can deal with a gem encrusted elbow,, but the whole non opposable thumb thing might be a problem!!

I assess that the only other "chemically" enriched liquid I had was Drano (and I quickly flashback to the time I let people talk me into peeing on Drano at a family gathering to try and uncover the sex of my unborn child,,,FYI.... don't ask what happens, don't use a Dixie cup and this is also not proper family picnic entertainment)..

Please let this work......Please let this work......Please let this work.......

It really does not work..But I think it loosened the bond up enough for me to rip my phalanges apart..But I did still lose a few layers of skin on my elbows and I do not have finger prints on 4 of my fingers which I figure may come in handy seeing my current life of crime:

Grape Stealing
Money Laundering
(I forgot the damn dollar was in my pocket before laundering ...don't judge me...everyone has dirty laundry .....she says laughing hysterically at her own lame laugh too,, so she does not feel stupid...really??? Well,, in that case she will be taking you off of her cell phone 's generous calling circle!!).

Here are the pics of DramaGirl's PIMPED out cast:

Yes,,,, I am insane and YOU LIKE IT!!!!
(she says hoping for your love)

16 Seducing Deductions:

Anonymous said...

Wow I have a broken leg too..... will you pimp it out? *evil grin*

insane does not cover it.... its so much more and beautiful....

masterfully orchestrated Cirque Du Soleil contortionist act..... can we get youtube video on this? I want proof.... ok?

Pauses for some relish tray action..... yum yum yum...

now back to the action..... whe can I get my appointment.. you know for my broken leg?

Walter Knight said...

I investigate alien abductions. I was directed to your blog on the theory that your issues are the result of E.T. contact.

Go to my website and view the alien photo. If this alien looks familiar, I will contact the Feds (men in black) for you to invistigate your situation. If you have been probed, counseling is available at no cost.

By the way, I carry clear fingernail polish, too, but it is to kill chiggers.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Why is nail polish remover always the answer to these travesties? Well, that plus olives (for you) and chocolate (for me). That cast is so gorgeous, all of her friends are going to try to get injured now.

IT said...

"...not proper family picnic entertainment).."

It depends on your family

Dutch donut girl said...

Love the cast.

Can you PLEASE tell me what those silica gel packets are for????

The Invisible Seductress said...

Sir- I will be right there....with PIMP you out!!!! yo ;}

WK-Everything goes back to ET in the end....smiling

RRG-She was excited to take her jewel encrusted self to school..But she let her sister sign the BOTTOM of her cast (so she wouldn't be embarrassed by sibling love) and her sister blocked out a "Property of MsDebate" on it. Upside down so that when she lifts her foot to walk EVERYONE SEES IT...DramaGirl was pissed,, but I gotta say it was well played my MsDebate...laughing....hugs

IT- I guess it ...hug

DDG- I am not sure...I think they are there so the silica gel packet manufacturers have a job..I could be wrong though...wink...hugs ;}

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

You have my love until you turn it against me in a battle to the death. Until then how can I not love someone who could possible share time in the mental health 'spa' with me. They give us slippers and pjs and bathrobes that we can were ALL day. And they have classes in art and there is group and funky meds. Think about it. You won't get a better deal anywhere.

Crunk said...

Who else but you could turn the subjects of a broken leg, public urination and relish into a fun and entertaining story?

That is why I love you!

Blasé said...

I can't leave you alone for a minute.
You're going to give me ulcers, yet!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Cal-And there's Jello there...we can be buddies!!

Crunk-I heart you too!!

Blase-Hug Hug

The Savage said...

WD-40 works too.. if you don't have any try any cooking oil.. it'll take a little time but it'll come off...

mac said...

I was just thinking that about those silica gel packets as I opened a box of screws..."Mmm, this is going to taste great!". Then the thing says NOT to eat it?!
Come ON! Why make it look so darned appetizing if we can't eat it?

The cast looks spiffy, even if it did cost you some skin. Art is painful, you know?

Ca88andra said...

Thank goodness someone else gets themselves into unenviable situations! I feel like I'm not alone...

Anonymous said...

I once thought my car was stolen because I got off on the wrong parkade level. In my own building. That has happened more times than I care to admit. I'd probably be the dumbass who would push the jewelled 'button' on the cast because if you say "Don't do it", I will. I also rip the tags of my mattresses. So, I get myslef in a pickle from time to time, that's for sure. Pickle, hmmm, pickle juice...I wonder if that would undo the glue. It's all natural anyways. - G

Powdered Toast Man said...

O once super glued my hand to my crotch.... wait, no that was American Pie 2, my bad.

Commit your crimes now while you don't have any fingerprints!!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Sav- I heart WD-40!!! It is exceptional stuff!!!xoxo

Mac- Was worth it for the kid,, she loved it!!! She's planing the design on the next one. She'll have to be put in another one after this :( . There goes summer,, poor kid!!

Ca88andra- Yes you would love hanging out with me,, I am a moron...giggle snort..always doin' sumthin silly!!

Georgina- We should hang out--you sound like a kindred spirit..I lose my car all the time! sigh

PTM- ahahahahaha My bandit costume is fierce!! could be called the Mascara Masquerader!!!...Oh I kinda like that!!!

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