Well,,hey this is a blog!!!!!
You wanna hear about it? Of course you do!!! Here I go:
At the precise time the middle child informed me dramatically that she had to potty, I realized we needed milk at home (less dramatically). And since there still is some kind of government regulation that I actually feed my spawns everyday, I assumed the responsibility to purchase it.
We came up on a CVS drugstore. I told the oldest (11) to stay in the car with the youngest (4)(deciding that getting 3 kids out for this quick errand would be silly) Stay in the car and lock the doors when we got out, was my strong request to her. I park right up front (perfect). Me and the middle get out,, click,, doors lock,, plan "Run in and get milk and empty middles bladder" is in full effect.
I run get milk, she runs to empty, we meet at the register. It took less then 10 minutes ( I am a genius).
We walk outside.
There stands eldest and youngest NEXT to the running car.
I am furious.
"Why did you get out? You know not to get out, it was 10 minutes!!!!" spoken with veins popping
"I needed something from the store,,, I was responsible enough to lock the doors at least,,, I'm not STU---PID" spoken in THAT tone with THAT look
I look up noticing the steam coming out of my ears and in a flash melt into a puddle of anger mucus (it looks sort of like green slime only it's red and it bubbles, the edges are orangy)
All doors are then checked, Yup, she did indeed LOCK the doors. She looks at me with her best "see I AM SMART face" as I explain that now we are locked out of the car because the KEYS are in it (and I think I called her a rocket scientist, which I am pretty sure she took as a compliment)
"If the keys are IN the car, and the car is LOCKED then we are what?" hoping to shatter her image of not being STU-PID just a tad.
"Locked out????" she said finally "getting it"
"And my phone?"
"In the car, that is locked?" again spoken with infinite amounts of "self stupidity recognition"
"My phone is locked in the car, that is sitting in the sun,,,,running,,, that we are locked out of now,,, because YOU decided you needed something from the store after you were told to stay IN the car, and now I am going to have to pay $75 and wait an hour to get a locksmith out to let us in, is that right?"
"Yes" and the tears come. And I do feel a little bad about that, but it was appropriate that she understand the deal.
So that was that.
So when I got stopped by an esteemed officer of the law yesterday, I was already thinking of the financial strain and already could feel the tears and very unattractive snot nose bubbles brewing in my head.
But maybe,,, he would take pity on me, or maybe,,,he would at least think I am cute and THEN take pity....Maybe....and I don't WANT to play that card, but in THIS situation and with my finances as they are,,,, well.........
I began trying very hard to look like THIS:
But I think I looked more like THIS:
Which is kinda similar but not and I tried smiling sweetly through the tears.
"Oh, you weren't speeding Ma'am"
(but,,,the thought: I am ALWAYS speeding,,, sped through my head at that very moment)
"Your tail light is just out, you just need to buy a bulb, I was just letting you know, sorry to scare you." he said sweetly, smiling THAT smile.
He tipped his hat all Barney Fifeish and then walked away into the sunset.
....in my mind....it was STILL because I was cute.....
....let me have this one.......