Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Ding Ding DIng

It was late. The kids were all nestled sweetly in their beds. Visions of Mommy slaving for them dancing in their heads. I decided a nice hot shower was in order.

Yes, a nice hot shower in the quiet and now the complete darkness because:

In a mysterious chain reaction that happens every few months in this house, the light bulbs have started to blow out, room by room, until we all sit in the dark because the dumb head of household stood in the aisle of Ghetto-Dixie thinking:

I know I need something,,, now what was it?? Girls???

No,, IT WAS NOT ICE CREAM,,, what was it??? Hmmmmm......


dory Pictures, Images and Photos
Guess what!!!! Guess what!!!! Guess what!!!!
I FORGOT!!!


This goes on aisle by aisle until the only aisle she does not go down is the light bulb aisle (because life is cruel)

... So

... in the end she forgets to buy light bulbs
(even though she went to the store SPECIFICALLY for them)

... She does however remember to buy food that is not really food,,, like cheez-its and Jello and also grabs an economy sized bottle of Miracle bubbles for outside spawn children spring time fun.

This makes her doubt her lucidity and intelligence while she watches her son blow bubbles and her daughters try to eat the whole box of cheez-its a handful at a time, until it starts getting dark and she says:

DAMMIT!!!!
LIGHT BULBS!!!!

But realizes she does not feel like loading up 3 worms and going to Ghetto-Dixie when the sun is not out, and gives everyone their flashlight for the evening.

Fast forward to the shower please......

It would be a pitch black hot shower. And it actually was nice. My eyes adjusted. It was calm and quiet hot and a little foreign,,, a nice bit of "I deserve it" mommy time.

I did some vocal readying and started my stint in

"The Grand Ole ShowerOprey".

It would be a Pat Benatar performance of:

"Hit Me With Your Best Shot"
(the boxing kittehs in the last post had inspired it)
(thank you boxing kittehs!!)

I was duking it out and grumbling the words sexily, when I set the shampoo mic down and picked up my luxurious pouf boxing gloves, tapping my nose with said pouf boxing gloves, like us professional boxers do.

It was then that "The Grand Ole ShowerOprey" turned into a steamy professional boxing ring.

My footwork was precise and my left hook divine. My competitor was a Tasmanian Devil bath time basketball hoop, that was sticking eye level to me on the tile. It would be a

Battle Royale!!

And although PPV had propositioned to televise it, I refused because they did not offer enough money to satisfy a life long obsession with mascara, and I am not selling out people.

Ding Ding Ding

More sparring.......

..... and washing (multitasking rocks)

..... and singing (I am a triple threat)

until.... I lost my precise footing and fell flat on my ass in a motion I would like to call:

"A SEDUCTION CHAMPION GOES DOWN"
(and a luxurious pouf boxing glove hits her in the face but she still laughs)

A few moments later I decided to end the performance and lifted my hands up to accept the championship belt (Because the Tasmanian devil bath time basketball hoop had not even landed one punch,,, wuss)

.....and I did a little victory scurry dance while mimicking very accurately the sound of a fan packed, excited arena.......the crowd indeed...... went wild.

Until one member of the audience had a complaint:

"Mom, do you KNOW what time it is and how NOISY you have been, do you KNOW??"

"DO YOU KNOW???!!"

..... and then she did a very good re-enactment of a popular stressed parental motion known as:

..... find your kid doing something really stupid, sigh loudly, shake your head and walk off........


..... and she went back to bed......


There is ALWAYS a critic in the crowd!.

14 Seducing Deductions:

Heff said...

I lost my train of thought at "Hot Shower".

Sorry.

Spuds said...

Kick Ass, Little Betty!

Kat said...

WAHAHAHAHAHA Too Funny! I can just imagine her standing there with her arms crossed and glaring at you!!!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

MEOW...I do so love the way you craft a post. Makes me wish you had low self esteem and lived next door. I would so totally attempt to hit that. Especially when I would hear the bad HEE HAW music wafting over the shared fence. You make me laugh big time kitty kat.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Heff-Winking...me too...

Spuds-You got it!!! xoxo

Kat-Yes there was glaring...kids these days,,,sigh

The Invisible Seductress said...

Cal-purrrrr...maybe I do...looking out the windows....and now I have Offsprings "you know you want to hit that" in my head...and I like it!!! laughing

BamaTrav said...

The beef people, hahahaha, hey, did you ever think that you have 3 kids because the lights have been going off in your house for a while. What else is there to do in an outage like situation? ;)

mac said...

Were you in a man's shower, there would be no poufs!

Well, unless he knew you ere stopping by and were needing a relaxing shower, then I'm sure there'd be twenty or so.

The Savage said...

Don't forget the light bulbs....

The Invisible Seductress said...

Bama- This indeed brings up some questions. At least one must be attributed to this phenomenon
hmmmm.....

Mac-all showers should have poufs....They even make manly poufs that are green and have scrubbies on one side, no doubt because men get dirtier..but still..they do...man poufs are HOT!!!!

Savage- Could you come live with me?

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

That audience member knew what time the show ended when she bought her ticket. She had no right to complain. I'm glad you had some "I deserve it" mommy time, because you do!
Hugs,
Robyn

Powdered Toast Man said...

I would be scared of ghosts in the dark because I have been watching ghost hunters. I don't know how the T-devil hoop didn't get in any shots, you must be a superb boxer.

Did you vote on the Battle of the Game Show Hosts?

http://reviewsyoucantuse.blogspot.com/2010/04/battle-of-game-show-hosts-st-round.html

The Invisible Seductress said...

RRG-You are right---I do not feel bad--It was an unusually stellar production--hugs--\\

PTM-Yes.. ghost hunters does that to me too!!! Why do we still watch exactly???

Bob Barker---all the way!!! wink

Sir Thomas said...

I know what you need....


damn I was hoping to come live with you... *sighs* always my fate... flaoting in the mist of my dreams...

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