Thursday, April 8, 2010

Oil of OK????

Rainforest Waterfall Pictures, Images and Photos

Yesterday I went to a pseudo W to the mart (Big-lots). I noticed it was fun people watching there too, but W to the mart STILL wins hands down in the "What the bleeeeeeeeeep are they wearing" factor. Anyway I needed some necessities (mainly Toilet paper) and it was right there,, so Big-Lots it was.

Faulty buggies love me. Everywhere I go I manage to claim one, and when I don't, and the one I have is rolling fine, I exchange it for a faulty one...Why?? Because some things in life you CAN choose,, and I choose squeaky wheels over good ones because they have more character. Just like "squeaky" people do. Who wants a "perfect" friend or family member, always looking down on YOU as the "squeaky cart" in THEIR life. I'll surround myself with people who know they have some issues, hopefully issues worse than my little "insanity" thing I got going on (laughing and doing the "crazy eye!!")!!

While we were meandering down the aisles and I was filling my cart up with gobbligook and thinyjingers, I noticed music in the soap aisle...

"Hey!!!! I ALSO need to arrange for the purchase of some body soap, perhaps I shall saunter down that aisle and enjoy the mysterious musical renderings!!"

But the mysterious musical renderings are almost always just in my head. And no one else ever sees the beams of light shining down on products that fascinate me either. I am beginning to wonder how you people get through the day without these special powers.

But I press on to the soap aisle smiling like the Cheshire cat when I see what is on sale.


It is:
---OIL OF OLAY ---BODY WASH---
---WITH---
---RADIANCE RIBBONS!!!!
and
Luminous brighteners!!!

(insert harpsichord music AND beams of sparkle laden light here, just do it)

For a dollar!!! Wha-huh??????

Oh Seductress,, you lucky little minx you!! It says on the bottle that in 5 days I will get back my youthful glow!!
I want my F'N YOUTHFUL GLOW BACK PEOPLE!!!!!

***HOW LUXURIOUS***
animated fireworks Pictures, Images and Photos
(it said that word like 25 times on the bottle,,
only seemed right to add it here with a little fanfare)

So after hugging the bottle and dancing a little jig in the aisle I started daydreaming. I have seen the Oil of Olay commercials for this stuff and those people using it are not only GORGEOUS,, but they have the greatest shower experiences EVA!!!!



My kids pointed out that in my daydreaming,, I was caressing my body with the bottle and maybe somewhat inappropriately,, this embarrassed them,, so I had to stop until I got in the car and could resume the "yea me" celebration.

You see,, it is a "simple minds-simple pleasures" thing for me. I don't get to spoil myself that often so the little things mean a lot to me. And a nice quiet special bath seemed lovely compared to wiping asses and picking up puppy poo.

But I realize as I walk in the door that:

I forgot the damn toilet paper!! (Possibly because of the above mentioned inappropriate Oil of Olay celebratory rubbing ...**shrugs**...don't judge me!)

....And I don't have the strength to load everybody in the car and go back to the store........................

....... So now I find myself cutting paper towels in half and peeling the 2-ply layers apart with enough tiresome repetition to secure a reserve fruitful enough to get us through the night........Life you are a tricky one.......

I wrung my hands anxiously until the hour was nigh:

tick-tock-tick-tock.............

Musee clockface Pictures, Images and Photos
dong-dong-dong-dong-dong-dong-dong-dong-dong
(grandfather clock chime re-enactment for dramatic purposes)

Kids to bed....I wait......until there is no more whispers or blanket arranging....I wait...till feet stop rocking....I wait.....till there is no damn chance of a poop happening while I am in my bath and me sitting in my children's butt funk air answering questions about boys and dragons.

The bathwater is ran,, warm and soothing. I bust out my:

Piece-de-le-resistance............. (said wonderfully French)
Body wash.........


and sigh deeply....

No satin ribbon of radiance came cascading out of the bottle to envelope and transport me to a lush rain forest wonderland of crystal spring waters flowing off the ledges of towering rocks while tropical foliage hides just the right womanly places of my body......There were no steel drums playing rhythmic tunes of vacationy type sounds that make women pull up their skirts and dance....No Birds of paradise flowers to lodge behind my perfectly shaped ear enticingly.......

......And actually the stuff came out on my hand looking like a bad fungal breakout!

I read the bottle:

Avocado-Cucumber..... BLISS


So that's why it's on sale...

No one WANTS to bathe in Guacamole!!!.....

.......Not even GUACAMOLE........"BLISS"?????

I drop down into the tub letting my head sink under the water. I emerge refreshed and working on renewal as a child walks in and parks himself on the throne.........ffffppppfffft.......

"I Fahted"

"I heard you"

"Can we get a dragon like toofless?"

"Maybe Tomorrow...."

toothless Pictures, Images and Photos
"Our new pet....maybe tomorrow"


......and then I got out of the tub and sat cross-legged on the couch.......
cutting paper towels in half and peeling the 2-ply layers apart with enough tiresome repetition to secure a reserve fruitful enough to NOW "post Traxx poop session" get us through the night...

....Life you are a tricky one.......

15 Seducing Deductions:

Crunk said...

I can't wait. I have all this to look forward to! Fank yoooo for postee!

The Savage said...

Comical AND thrifty.... awesome

Blasé said...

I like the way you Assess, Adapt, and Attack a situation. Sexy!

f1trey said...

:) i still like your glitter... ms cucumber, circus peanut, green jello, pickled okra princess you.....

f1trey said...

:) i still like your glitter... ms cucumber, circus peanut, green jello, pickled okra princess you.....

The Invisible Seductress said...

Crunk-hugs....

Savage- you know it,,,but...mascara is still a weakness..sigh

Blase-Why thank you....I needed to be called sexy today!! wink

Trey-Smiling....what a title I have!! muah!!

Sir Thomas said...

I really dont know what to say to this but...

If somebody finds me a chip I will dip you..

then eat you all up.....

mac said...

I thought a toothless dragon was something else entirely. Turns out it is good for kids ;-)

If you ever need someone to wash your back...

The Invisible Seductress said...

Sir--I added a squeeze of lemon for ya...wink

Mac-smiling...and smiling.....

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Oh hon, sounds like the spoil of olay. It's all a damn hoax. I hope you got through the night without having to deal with any poop in a more creative way. As always, you keep me amused. I LOVE the little fireworks show too.
xoRobyn

BamaTrav said...

Thank you , I will go and off myself now.

The Invisible Seductress said...

RRG-See your title was betta!!! love ya sis

Bama-wink.wink..Oil of Olay makes ya frisky eh?? Me too!! smiling

Heff said...

This post is FRAUDULENT. Big Lots doesn't have ANY carts that aren't fucked up !

The Invisible Seductress said...

Oh Heff....you do crack me up!!! HUGS

Crunk said...

"If somebody find me a chip, I'll dip you" haha, classic!!

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