Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Ponderings of an understimulated mind

whoop ass can 2 Pictures, Images and Photos

If you open a can of Whoop Ass but realize you don't need the full can at that time,, can you put the left over Whoop Ass back in the can,, cover it with tin foil,, and store it in the fridge?? And if you DO store the unused Whoop portion in the can,, will it be all metallic tasting and spoiled when you need to use it again,,, therefore possibly NOT being the full strength Whoop Ass that is required for a proper Whoop Ass session?? We may need to consider alternative storage methods to assure that proper Whoop Ass care is followed.

So,,, in conclusion,,, if you need to store any left over Whoop Ass in the future,,, please do so in a nice zip-lock bag or Tupperware container with a "burp" lid,,, as to not jeopardize the integrity of the Whoop Ass.

ostrich Pictures, Images and Photos
This IS my freakin' HAPPY face!!

Why would you want to kill two birds with one stone?? Why would you want to kill 1 bird with 1 stone for that matter?? Can't you just leave the Damn birds alone?? What have they done to you that made you think "Oh, now I have to stone you as was done in Biblical times!!"???? That punishment really does not match the crime of being our small and cute little avian friends. I mean,, unless it is a ostrich (because they are all just assholes,,, but taste like chicken I hear),,, all the other species seem sweet,, but,, there was that one time a mockingbird sang outside my window at night for 2 freaking weeks and I could not sleep,, Oh,, and a few weeks ago I was sitting at the computer,,, tempting you with my words,,, and I saw two birds getting it on right by my window!! I swear the male one looked in at me and laughed at my lack of sex while he was knocking one out with his chic... And seagulls do have a tendency to shat on my head which ruins my day,,, and don't even get me started on vultures,,, they are ALL attitude with their sinister skinny bald necks,,, and,,, you know there was that one time at band camp when a big damn Aflac looking goose bit my finger and then squawked freaking bloody murder and everyone was all like "What did YOU do to him??" as I stood in my geese shat covered hi-top Nikes with my bloody phalanges?? And who is not a little {{{eeeeep}}} when they see one of those genetically misfitted huge black crows???

So,,, in conclusion,,, if it is not an Ostrich,, mockingbird,,, vulture,,, seagull,,, big damn Aflac looking band camp goose or one of those creepy jumbo sized crows (shiver),,, please,,, don't kill 2 of them by way of a stoning as was done in Biblical times.

bird poop Pictures, Images and Photos

And why is a bird in the hand better then 2 in the bush? Why would you even want a bird in your hand unless you are dressed in Khaki's and have a microphone head piece, a safari green hat and you are addressing spectators at a theme park or zoo type arena,, then OK,, One in your hand is ALWAYS better then 2 in the bush because people would probably NOT think looking at a bush and assuming there are 2 birds from the species and Genus that you are describing to them is entertaining OR educational.

So,,, in conclusion,,, unless you are wearing khaki's and a safari green hat,,, have a microphone headpiece and are addressing spectators in a theme park or zoo type arena,,, leave the birds IN the bushes.

Just a lollipop my ASS!!!

The phrase "just like taking candy from a baby" assumes that this is an easy task that any one can accomplish with no chance of failure. I submit that it is not as simple as being implied here. Have you ever been bitten by a baby with those two little "first teeth daggers"?? And why are you taking candy from the baby anyway?? Can't we assume that you -the responsible adult- provided them with the candy in the first place?? Even if we are putting the danger of a biting aside,,, just the mere act of placing your hand in the splash zone to clean up the baby enough to extract the candy is harrowing. I have tried to take a lollipop from a toddler because we needed to get in the car and I did not want to risk my car being drenched in gallons of sticky baby-spit infused lollipop residue that would inevitably fly from the mouth of my babe like drool being flung from the droopy lips of an overheated-over sized excited dog,,, it was not easy! Now pie,,,, THAT IS EASY....

So,,, in conclusion,,, invest in a wet-dry vac,,, a lifetime supply of Bounty and some of those teeny tiny band-aids OR make a freaking pie,,, but let the babies keep their candy people.

The Seductress has intentionally
withheld the use of a picture of
Yummy Cake or Chocolate Eclair
as to not risk the damage that
drool can have on your keyboard.
**You're welcome Robyn!!**

Have you been wanting your cake and wanting to eat it too lately (how rude)?? Well GOOD for you! Who in the hell sat down one day and wrote this proverb? What does HE do with HIS cake exactly? Is there some underground cake cult I don't know about? Does his cake entertain him? Is it his only friend and eating it would be perceived as cannibalistic? Is he in love with his cake? I mean if Jimmy can crack corn and we don't care,, then then who cares if we want cake and fulfill the want by eating the cake? If I can not have cake,, I want a parfait dammit..

So,,, in conclusion,,, this one makes no sense and I really do not have a satisfactory conclusion to give you except,,, buy me a parfait,,, or an Eclair,,, Mmmmmmm Eclair!!!!

11 Seducing Deductions:

Anonymous said...

Oh, thank Goodness, someone has finally explained those silly idioms to me. While you are at it can you tell me why people throw the baby out with the bathwater and let bulls loose in a china shop. Thank you in advance. - G

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm well lets just say.... for instance if you were my cake. Would it be wrong then to want to have my cake and eat it to?

just sayin.... *winks*

Anonymous said...

and for the record its best to use all of the can of whoop ass....

that stuff does not store well at all and degardes by the second when openned in most cases

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I love the way you can go off on a tagent with the merest mention of a topic. I can actually hear the hamster wheel turning in your brain and that is cool. I never know what you are going to say. People who speak sentences that I can finish in my head bore me. I can never predict just where you will go to make you point and I admire that so much. Love ya Kitty Kat.

Blasé said...

That's EXACTLY the way I store my Can of WhoopAss in our Cupboards. Never loses it's Punch!

Btw, I just opened up a Can of it on Humidity.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Georgina- I really don't know why we would let a bull loose in a china shop..possible insurance fraud comes o mind..hmmmm.hugs,,

Sir--Missed ya!!! would it be better if I were Pie?? That way I would be easy... wink

Cal- Coming from someone who cracks me up daily,, I take that as such a sweet sweet compliment...xoxoxo

Blase- I knew YOU would know how to store a good Whoop Ass portion!!! wink and hugs and back scratches

Anonymous said...

baby you can be a pie or a cake or a toaster. That does not matter to me.... easy or not here I come....

IT said...

I understand that pondering stuff. My problem is I can't seem to hold onto anything long enough to expel a rational thought. Hence only about one in ten posts on my blog make any sense.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Sister, you keep outdoing yourself. Your posts are getting better and better, more and more creative, adorable, clever, hilarious, and all things good - just like you.
Thank goodness the robin bird is still acceptable too.
Love ya,

The Savage said...

You don't ever open a can of whoop ass unless you intend to use the entire can.
Until that point, just drink Mountain Dew....

The Invisible Seductress said...

Sir---blush blush

It- all your posts make sense to me!!! smiling

RRG- oh thank you Sis!! love ya too!!!

Savage-You are right!!!! Mountain dew would help!!! hugs and smoochies

Post a Comment

Every time you leave a comment, The Seductress gets a tickle!!

giggle, snort....and maybe she pees a little...but it's still cute....really...