Friday, June 4, 2010

play by play action!!!!

baby giraffe & momma Pictures, Images and Photos

My brain is tapped out for comedy or even a smidgen of intellectual banter of the written persuasion right now.

This has been my morning so far:

Middle kid has been sick all night,, middle kid is the Drama Queen of the universe,, Mom wishes ANYONE else but the Drama Queen of the universe would be sick,, Mom gets no sleep,, oldest spawn gets a little amount of sleep,, oldest spawn is mean when she gets a little amount of sleep,, oldest spawn screams and refuses to wake up,, youngest child awakens and acts like a happy Disney character,, happy Disney characters are very freaking irritating early in the morning,, Mom feels like a Disney villain ,, there is much crying and exaggeration of illness symptoms from middle child,, Mom is trying very hard to be sympathetic and engaging while much crying and exaggeration of illness symptoms ensues from middle child,, Mom goes on imaginary strike,, imaginary strike does not last long,, the children want,, what do they want?? Everything,, Mom has nothing to give but love,, they want more than love,, Mom deduces children took advanced underground training courses in aggravation,, Mom concludes children received A+'s in the advanced underground training courses in aggravation and are now showing off their skills,, main toilet overflows BEFORE 6AM,, Mom does not feel pretty when toilets overflow,, Mom cleans over-flowed toilet bathroom while cursing under her breath and NOT feeling pretty,, there is still much middle child gakking,, there is much ado about said middle child gakking,, middle child's symptoms advance quickly,, middle child starts getting sick from both ends now,, Mom discovers middle child getting sick from both ends moments too late,, Mom cleans up mess from middle child getting sick from both ends which she discovered moments too late and again does not feel pretty,, Mom tries hard to feel pretty,, she fains a smile,, Mom still does not feel pretty,, Mom determines that it really is too early to go back to bed and thinks about resorting to copious amounts of alcohol,, Mom determines it is too early for that as well,, Mom would leave but deduces that the children know her name and would inevitably follow her screaming it,, Mom makes plans to change her name and NOT let her children know what her new name is,, Mom realizes the only way out of this bad day that has just started is to face it head on with humor,, Mom starts telling bad jokes and feels a little bit better,, Youngest child drops too full bowl of fruity, nutritionally void cereal on the nice shaggy rug,, Mom cries a little and looks to the sky and screams "REALLY ???",, Mom glances at her children,, one is crying because he dropped his too full bowl of fruity, nutritionally void cereal on the nice shaggy rug,, one is crying because she is sick,, one is cross armed and all attitude because her little sister kept her up all night,, Mom sucks it up and apologizes for the bad morning,, Mom proclaims her love for children, promises that the day will get better and hugs each child individually (although sick middle child gets a half hug pat thingy because she still looks green),, kids say: "I love you Mom" almost in perfect unison,, Mom now feels BEAUTIFUL!!!

Please enjoy my favorite clip from Family Guy:

9 Seducing Deductions:

Anonymous said...

I would love to point out a few things here.

1. You made the right decision not to change your name, today’s kids could have found you though the internet without any problems and you would have been had.
2. You my dear are very remarkable and if I believe in karma which I do, you will one day be a queen and most likely the greatest queen ever known.
3. I don’t think it could have gotten any worse and you handle it with the grace of a ninja warrior skilled in illusionary tactics.

Well done, well done ninja warrior….

The Invisible Seductress said...

Sir- On a scale of 1 to 10,, how bad do you think I needed to hear that??? There's NOT a number!! bad mornings like these drain the happy right out and ya gotta find it and claim it back..I'm trying..xoxo....Hi-YA (ninja move)

Heff said...

Take trust in alcohol.

It'll do you right every time.

Slyde said...

sorry the kiddies are sick. seems to be going around everywhere this week.

i'm not french kissing you again until i know for sure you dont have a cold.

The Invisible Seductress said...

RRG- Oh thanks----hugs----It's still green and whiny over here...sigh..hugs

Heff- Shoulda went with the Vodka eh...I still have time...wink

Slyde- Ah please,,, just one!!! I'll use scope before!!! Winks...

Ricky Shambles said...

I agree with Heff. Clark Grizwold asked his dad how he made it through so many family holidays. "I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels," he replies.

I feel bad saying it, but I've been granted a reprieve of sorts. Daughter is visiting family in Cleveland for 2 weeks and Mrs. Shambles headed to the West Coast for job stuff for the whole weekend. British The Office, beer, and video games are about to abound!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Ricky---Oh I hope you have fun!! I miss time like that. Just me here so it is very rare that I have time with no kids around,, too rare,, I often forget how to act around adults...sigh..A good bout of movies and beer sounds heavenly!!!

Shania said...

That whole "mommommommummy" thing from stewie? That's my ring tone for when the kids call. That way I know not to answer.

I hope yours feel better soon.

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