please MORPH with me...

I suppose we all go through times when we really wish we could morph into someone else's life for a few months. I have that feeling really strongly right now. *sigh*

Maybe it's the constant onslaught of bills I can't seem to keep paid. Maybe it's the things I can't provide my children with right now or the fact that I don't feel like much of a role model for them at the moment. Or because I am sick and I am so sick of being sick.

But,, it's fair to say if I morph into someone else's existence I would have to deal with THEIR issues which on the surface may look slight but just may rival or exceed mine in severity. I mean seriously,, I have proven that I am "strong",,,,,, I get it,,, and it's nice when people say "I don't know how you do it,, and stay soooo positive",,, further reinforcing what I already know,,, things are bad,,, my life sucks bull Nads right now.... again "I GET IT"!!

When do I get to prove that I can be just as cool and strong while being happy??

Have you ever even sucked bull Nads???

Oh,,, I hope not,,, they are salty and not appetizing in the least.

Oh Goody!!! There's even a Festival for THAT!!!

I had someone say: "Well,, if you are at the bottom,, at least you can't fall any further!!!"

I submit this is ..... BULLSHIT...... there is ALWAYS a little farther to fall.... I pray we all just keep hanging on so we don't.

When everything you do becomes a battle of wills with the world,, it gets tiring.

So the question of who would I want to morph into comes to mind... Since I have already established I do not want to morph into an actual persons reality,, I must choose from the abundant fantasy world.....

Step into the realm of imagination with me,, go ahead,, a little deeper,, let us soar through some personalities that might fit the bill for me,, together.. Jump in with suggestions at any time...

(insert wavy daydream lines and fancy chimey type dream music here)

First I think I would want to be her:

A Beautiful "Saucy" Vegetable Ninja Woman... A BSVNW!! The moves,, the eyes,, the awesome radicchio skirt,,, the rapid arm movements (with deadly consequences)... I really don't think anyone would mess with me... Vegetable or not,, the BSVNW's skill set and use of cutlery is mighty!! And beautiful Latino women don't *F* around in the first place,, so all the better... Dontchya think??? Besides,,, her shoes are cute and the world she lives in is colorful AND edible,, don't make your bed.....eat it,,,, or if you want a drastic change,,,, compost pile your world and slice up a fresh new outlook!!!

Next would have to be:

Yes,,,, JEM...The 80's rocker chic in me DEMANDS that I choose her. Big hair,, fierce make-up and always wearing uber high heeled boots...The original "Pink" haired diva. She always had a way of coming out on top and we're not even talking about sex here folks.. I am sure her sex life was grand because she had a lot of cartoon rocker boys to play with,, I wonder what cartoon sex is like... No matter...

In my eyes: Jem...You ARE truly outrageous, truly, truly, truly OUTRAGEOUS!!

This one is a little stretch but...
..Mrs. Butterworth's..

Wha-huh...I hear ya saying it: Why Mrs. Butterworth's?? Well I'll tell ya why. I get the feeling that Mrs. Butterworth's don't take no shableeeep from anybody. Mrs. Butterworth's would make you pick out the tree switch she was gonna whip your ass with after you smart off to her. The outside is all sweet and buttery,, but you had better respect her or pay the consequences. I am sorry if I ruined any of your future pancake breakfasts and your love affair with the sweet Mrs. Butterworth's,, just know as long as you stay in line you will be OK,, otherwise best you should start buying Eggo syrup,, it's just easier that way..

And then there is:

CATWOMAN!!!! I'm thinking it would really be a shame if I had to explain this one to you...................

ME----OW.....Whapshhhhhhh (your stock whip cracking sound effect)

Speaking of a "Woman" who makes all the boys drool:

The lustrous Green M&M... I think she was actually modeled after me except the roundness,,, Eeep...She is a brown eyed beauty..(haa)...No doubt she would be a feisty red head,, be it if she had hair and all.. But she might not be as appetizing with hair,, no matter... Her Beauty-- Mark...Tres' chic just like your Seductress ... But sometimes,,, I would melt in your hands.....If you were as charming as the red M&M that is..

Then I think she would be next:

Oh sweet Sun-maid Raisin girl... Yes,,, she is a little bit Barbie-esque and a tad demure,, but you just know the girl can shake a mean skirt at the Sun-maid company dances. And she represents the cruelty of the world: Yes ,, I will take the sweet ripe fruits of your labor and set them out to dry and shrivel in the wicked heat of the sun,,, but,,, alas,,,, the outcome is a divine cinnamon companion product loved the world over!!!

And all it took was fruit and sun... Genius!!!!



So,,, sure,,, I could go on and on,, but let me leave you with one that is probably more realistic of my character (I may be exaggerating slightly cough,, cough)....

!!!WONDER WOMAN!!!

No smart ass,,, NOT THAT,, (ahem) Wonder Woman...
(I wonder if it is a woman??)



(don't make me sick my Mrs. Butterworth side on you!!!)

THIS WONDER WOMAN!!!

OH Hells YEAH!!!!! Much better... You see,,, we all need to have a little superhero in us to survive in this world.. And if mine happens to be a leggy, busty bombshell that shoulda been a red head but could dye her hair at any time,,,,, fine.... I'll take that!!

Now get the hell out of the way,,,, CLEARLY you are blocking the runway of my Invisible Jet!!!

I gotta run to Winn Dixie and get toilet paper!!!

Even Super-asses need wiped...

***************

Note: It only seemed fair that I should add some of my honorable mentions. I will do so below,, in no particular order:

Mrs. Piggy- HI-YA!!! It's about confidence people! With shiny perfectly coiffed hair!!

Betty Boop- Boop-Boop-de-Boop...The original cartoon Diva.

Jessica Rabbit- Oh, she WASN'T bad!!! She was just drawn that way!!

The Chicken of the Sea Mermaid- This one's pretty obvious.

Chiquita Banana Woman- Again with the Latino beauty and flair.

Smurfette- Fashion Icon,, The only woman in the village,, dance card-always full!!

"Cotton Candy" My Little Pony- What?? Oh HUSH!! She's so cute!!

Please enjoy this picture of Cotton Candy's father "Magical Rainbow Horse" pissing a rainbow: