Seductress Quirks Revealed

I have a very good friend who was in a dead end relationship for years. No matter how many times the revelation came that it was going nowhere, it just kept going - NOWHERE. I think there is too much of a fear of being alone in the world. Truth is you have to know you can be happy on your own.

Someone else does not control YOUR happiness - YOU DO !!

Of course,, I have been alone for so loooooong now maybe I won't know how to be WITH someone when it does miraculously happen for me...I guess that can be just as bad. No worries though since I am dreadfully poor (another man deterrent) and don't have family around to babysit for free,, so I always have a kid around (which makes dating pretty impossible since I won't bring a revolving door of questionable characters around my kids).

So I will hang on the single side of town for a while and live vicariously through people who are actually living life on the field and NOT on the sidelines.

But,, I am always there for my friends and their many breakdowns.

These are a few of the specialty psychiatric services I offer:

Cryovers,, Eatovers,,Makeovers and Screwovers (Currently suspended but NOT as fun as it sounds,, trust me!!! It’s getting all dolled up and going out "trolling". I am embarrassed to say sometimes broke down girls need to do that,, ahem,, don’t judge me-UH-I mean her! And Always,, Always blame these nights on your friends,, your welcome!!)

Now after all that is said,, one of the most irritating things about their relationship was that with EVERY fight he would bring up EVERY little quirk that he thought she had,, again and again and again, and she would doubt herself. I love her. And I love her many quirks. That is part of really loving someone. She does have a lot of quirks though!! (wink, wink, CrimeScene - I love you!!)

I truly believe to be in a relationship that works on ALL levels you must embrace your partner’s many quirks.

I Love his quirks

I miss man quirks - a lot. There is just something sexy about the little silly things men do without even noticing it themselves.

I heard that they are making a robot that you can design to look any way you would like and program any way you want. When they get irritating,, you can reprogram them. All of this for a small fee of $10,000. Upgrades and special,, uh,, "equipment" available for an extra fee..

Lets just give up on having humans around AT ALL if we feel we need to control every move they make for them to live up to our trumped up specifications.

Bring on imperfections in the people in my life.

Let mine shine too because I AM human.

And now I will put on my brave face. I am going to share very personal information with you. I have decided to "out" a few of my quirks to further concrete the fact that I am a hopeless case and no man will ever want me for keeps!! (WHAT THE HALIBUT???? I’m a nut job for doing this!!)

You wanna hear a few??
Of course you do!!
Here I go:

(In no particular order)

I cannot drive a vehicle without dancing; the invisible microphone also occasionally makes an appearance

I lose focus and walk into walls - a lot

When it is raining,, I am a freak about not running over the cute little toads that dance in it

I burn my forehead with the curling iron at least twice a month for a perfect wispy bang payoff,, this leaves me with a sizable burn mark on my forehead that looks like an alien sucked my brain out

I sleep hugging a "man pillow" and have a small pillow named "camp" that was purchased in the camping aisle at Walmart. I put "camp" between my legs,, I hug "man pillow" and cover most of my face with the sheet,, so you may never really see me at night as I am camouflaged

I’ve been known to redecorate-rearrange (very quietly) whole rooms in the middle of the night,, even stain glassing windows or painting a mural

I’ve also been known to landscape small gardens (also very quietly) in the middle of the night (neighbors say the "garden fairy" came again) I do not do that in this neighborhood as the bad guys would steal me,, but I would irritate them with nervous rambling and they would return me promptly

I drop things a lot,, usually on my foot,, usually glass containers,, usually in public and I usually say Dammit

I really do love Circus Peanuts (but don’t eat them enough)

I really really do love Green Olives (and I eat them way too much)

I cannot watch stupid commercials without sarcastically changing the words

I write and perform songs in the shower,, there are also accompanying choreographed dances done in fine shower surroundings

I am a very bad driver and a very directionally impaired one

I do get lost a lot,, that makes me cry because I hate that feeling

No Dora,, say it isn't so!!!

I yell at Dora the Explorer when she is on because I get sick of her not being aware of her surroundings and asking ME if I see shit all the time when it is right freaking beside her

I have a weakness for Green Jello,, it increases to an addiction if pineapple is added

If I am walking with a group of business people into a meeting and it has previously rained,, I will be the one that misjudges the depth of a "little puddle" and walks in the meeting with squeaky,, gravel filled heels and wet hose

At least once a year I twist my ankle or break a bone

There are always sparkles at my house

There is not an end to the stupid one liner jokes I share with everyone around me - apparently my head is missing an "off" switch for humor

I can’t stand it when someone pokes me in the arm,, even lightly (rubbing arm)

I "fancy up" even to go to Dollar General (this annoys even me)

I have an endless supply of football jerseys and baseball shirts that I love to sleep in

I feel dirty when I swear,, but most of the time that does not stop me

If I really like a song I mis-use the repeat function on my CD player

I cry when I see dead animals on the road AND at every damn telephone commercial that is aired

I have a fetish for a strong jaw line on a man (even just saying it made me "happy")

If I see someone fall,, bang their head,, trip,, or otherwise injure them self in a dramatic way,, I laugh,, I know I really shouln't,, but I can't help it (and I am sorry)

I really do pee a little when I get a comment (kidding),, But it really does makes me happy

I take the time to dance a little and sing along with my cell ring tones,, and actually I think it is a bit weird that you don't because you CHOSE them because you LOVE them RIGHT????

WTF????? RUN!!!!!

OK- so that should be enough to run ANY man off, but it’s out there now and it is part of what makes me- me.

Embrace your quirks and those of the ones you love and your life together will be so much happier. At least I think that is what Dr. Phil would say,, but he might say it like this:

WTF,, REALLY???
That doesn't even Make sense!!!
You and your REVERSE MOHAWK!!
But you're quirky,, and I heart you!!
(cough)

Now please do YOUR homework. Humor me a little and take a moment to add one of your quirks in my comment section,, I promise I will not laugh AT you,, but I will probably laugh WITH you,, unless you request that I don't and then I will tell you I won't but I really will because you have no way of knowing.

This would also be for my own benefit; I mean I’m not THAT weird, RIGHT????

(Insert: "Why NO Seductress,, you are TOTALLY NORMAL" here please...)

Have a wonderful Saturday everyone!!