Saturday, June 26, 2010

Seductress Quirks Revealed

forbidden love Pictures, Images and Photos

I have a very good friend who was in a dead end relationship for years. No matter how many times the revelation came that it was going nowhere, it just kept going - NOWHERE. I think there is too much of a fear of being alone in the world. Truth is you have to know you can be happy on your own.

Someone else does not control YOUR happiness - YOU DO !!

Of course,, I have been alone for so loooooong now maybe I won't know how to be WITH someone when it does miraculously happen for me...I guess that can be just as bad. No worries though since I am dreadfully poor (another man deterrent) and don't have family around to babysit for free,, so I always have a kid around (which makes dating pretty impossible since I won't bring a revolving door of questionable characters around my kids).

So I will hang on the single side of town for a while and live vicariously through people who are actually living life on the field and NOT on the sidelines.

But,, I am always there for my friends and their many breakdowns.


These are a few of the specialty psychiatric services I offer:

Cryovers,, Eatovers,,Makeovers and Screwovers (Currently suspended but NOT as fun as it sounds,, trust me!!! It’s getting all dolled up and going out "trolling". I am embarrassed to say sometimes broke down girls need to do that,, ahem,, don’t judge me-UH-I mean her! And Always,, Always blame these nights on your friends,, your welcome!!)

Now after all that is said,, one of the most irritating things about their relationship was that with EVERY fight he would bring up EVERY little quirk that he thought she had,, again and again and again, and she would doubt herself. I love her. And I love her many quirks. That is part of really loving someone. She does have a lot of quirks though!! (wink, wink, CrimeScene - I love you!!)

I truly believe to be in a relationship that works on ALL levels you must embrace your partner’s many quirks.

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I Love his quirks

I miss man quirks - a lot. There is just something sexy about the little silly things men do without even noticing it themselves.

I heard that they are making a robot that you can design to look any way you would like and program any way you want. When they get irritating,, you can reprogram them. All of this for a small fee of $10,000. Upgrades and special,, uh,, "equipment" available for an extra fee..

Lets just give up on having humans around AT ALL if we feel we need to control every move they make for them to live up to our trumped up specifications.

Bring on imperfections in the people in my life.

Let mine shine too because I AM human.

And now I will put on my brave face. I am going to share very personal information with you. I have decided to "out" a few of my quirks to further concrete the fact that I am a hopeless case and no man will ever want me for keeps!! (WHAT THE HALIBUT???? I’m a nut job for doing this!!)


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You wanna hear a few??
Of course you do!!
Here I go:


(In no particular order)

I cannot drive a vehicle without dancing; the invisible microphone also occasionally makes an appearance

I lose focus and walk into walls - a lot

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When it is raining,, I am a freak about not running over the cute little toads that dance in it

I burn my forehead with the curling iron at least twice a month for a perfect wispy bang payoff,, this leaves me with a sizable burn mark on my forehead that looks like an alien sucked my brain out

I sleep hugging a "man pillow" and have a small pillow named "camp" that was purchased in the camping aisle at Walmart. I put "camp" between my legs,, I hug "man pillow" and cover most of my face with the sheet,, so you may never really see me at night as I am camouflaged

I’ve been known to redecorate-rearrange (very quietly) whole rooms in the middle of the night,, even stain glassing windows or painting a mural

I’ve also been known to landscape small gardens (also very quietly) in the middle of the night (neighbors say the "garden fairy" came again)
I do not do that in this neighborhood as the bad guys would steal me,, but I would irritate them with nervous rambling and they would return me promptly

I drop things a lot,, usually on my foot,, usually glass containers,, usually in public and I usually say Dammit

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I really do love Circus Peanuts (but don’t eat them enough)

I really really do love Green Olives (and I eat them way too much)

I cannot watch stupid commercials without sarcastically changing the words

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I write and perform songs in the shower,, there are also accompanying choreographed dances done in fine shower surroundings

I am a very bad driver and a very directionally impaired one

I do get lost a lot,, that makes me cry because I hate that feeling

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No Dora,, say it isn't so!!!

I yell at Dora the Explorer when she is on because I get sick of her not being aware of her surroundings and asking ME if I see shit all the time when it is right freaking beside her

I have a weakness for Green Jello,, it increases to an addiction if pineapple is added

If I am walking with a group of business people into a meeting and it has previously rained,, I will be the one that misjudges the depth of a "little puddle" and walks in the meeting with squeaky,, gravel filled heels and wet hose

At least once a year I twist my ankle or break a bone

There are always sparkles at my house

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There is not an end to the stupid one liner jokes I share with everyone around me - apparently my head is missing an "off" switch for humor

I can’t stand it when someone pokes me in the arm,, even lightly (rubbing arm)

I "fancy up" even to go to Dollar General (this annoys even me)

I have an endless supply of football jerseys and baseball shirts that I love to sleep in

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I feel dirty when I swear,, but most of the time that does not stop me

If I really like a song I mis-use the repeat function on my CD player

I cry when I see dead animals on the road AND at every damn telephone commercial that is aired

I have a fetish for a strong jaw line on a man (even just saying it made me "happy")

If I see someone fall,, bang their head,, trip,, or otherwise injure them self in a dramatic way,, I laugh,, I know I really shouln't,, but I can't help it (and I am sorry)

I really do pee a little when I get a comment (kidding),, But it really does makes me happy

I take the time to dance a little and sing along with my cell ring tones,, and actually I think it is a bit weird that you don't because you CHOSE them because you LOVE them RIGHT????


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WTF????? RUN!!!!!

OK- so that should be enough to run ANY man off, but it’s out there now and it is part of what makes me- me.

Embrace your quirks and those of the ones you love and your life together will be so much happier. At least I think that is what Dr. Phil would say,, but he might say it like this:

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WTF,, REALLY???
That doesn't even Make sense!!!
You and your REVERSE MOHAWK!!
But you're quirky,, and I heart you!!
(cough)

Now please do YOUR homework. Humor me a little and take a moment to add one of your quirks in my comment section,, I promise I will not laugh AT you,, but I will probably laugh WITH you,, unless you request that I don't and then I will tell you I won't but I really will because you have no way of knowing.

This would also be for my own benefit; I mean I’m not THAT weird, RIGHT????

(Insert: "Why NO Seductress,, you are TOTALLY NORMAL" here please...)

Have a wonderful Saturday everyone!!

19 Seducing Deductions:

Sir Thomas said...

Ok but before hand does the Eatovers and Screwovers combine with a sleepover?
Hey I’m just covering all the bases here… *grins*


• I compete in everything in everything I do… everything.
• A word is a word even a bad word and its not really bad though unless you mean it in a bad way. I say a lot of bad words…
• I have way, way too many interest, I guess that is what you get from being like a pretender from the TV show.Can’t stay focused… damn it.
• I find myself going without water for long periods of time and my body adjust itself.

Ps: lets sit and watch people fall… I laugh to… hey its funny..

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

But its all those little quirks that make me love you the most. So here are some of mine.

*I hate to hear the phone ring or to talk on it. Leave a message or you don't exist.
*I don't eat any dairy product that I myself haven't opened.
*I need at least a minute to get comfy in bed. I sweep the blanket like a matador with his cape and catch it with my leg in order to stuff it correctly. My head takes several tries to sit just right on the pillows
*I like a nice tub and dry myself the same way each time I exit.
*Every Saturday I must have a bratwurst from the farmer's market.
*I hate summer fairs, exhibitions or celebrations but I do go just to see the sheep get sheered in the yearly agricultural competitions. When they remove the wool in one piece it's endlessly fascinating to me.
*I always buy things kids sell door to door.
*I always buy hot dogs sport groups are selling outside of the grocery store.
*I always give my cans away to kids who come collecting them in the fall. I never turn them in for the money myself.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Your quirks really aren't too quirky, my friend.

Here's a few of mine that I'm willing to admit:

I'm a terrible driver too. I've banged up every car I've driven on all 4 sides. Oops.

I don't get rid of old clothes. I have t-shirts and sweats that are over 20 years old, and I still wear them.

I hate wearing shoes. I take my shoes off at work whenever I can.

xoHugs to you, sis,
Robyn

The Invisible Seductress said...

Sir- I love doing that, it's a little wrong though right?? ;}

Cal- I'm lovin' your quirks too!!

RRG- You don't think?? I thought so, but yours are really cute!!

This is fun!!!

Sir Thomas said...

right or wrong who caresif nobody gets hurt right???? I mean right? We could sit on the porch and have a few drinks and laugh all day long or out side the Walmart...lol

* I kick the covers off in bed as I'm always to hot

* I tip what you earn not what they say you should get

The Invisible Seductress said...

Sir- Sounds lovely.... really lovely!!

wearesmrt said...

Most of my quirks are parent induced.

I will romp on the beach all day long until I see a jellyfish. They will hurt you, they will sting you..they will hunt you down

I let you know 100 hundred times where I will be if you need to reach me

I laugh a lot. I laugh when I should not..laughter is good! People falling is awesome!

Blasé said...

I still have a "strong jaw line" whenever I tilt my head back a lil'. It's not what it used to be...but I still have a great tongue.

I'll be your "robot" and I won't charge you a dime...

Crazy Brunette said...

Oh bitch... I have sooo many quirks it would blow your mind.

I too walk into walls
I YELL at other drivers when they're driving like assbags... usually with the window DOWN.
I hate to talk on the phone.
e-mail is my main communication port.
The TV could cease to exist and I would be a happy fucking bitch.
I sing/scream to every song on the radio.
I LOVE Reba McEntire.

There's 900 others but here you go hooker!

Ca88andra said...

I'm not sure I know how to be in a relationship either. And I'm not sure I could put up with someone else's quirks. I have enough of my own:

I'm particular about where things live in the fridge - if they get put back in the wrong place I will move them.

Ditto things in the dishwasher.

I always have to check things twice - even though I knew what time my last exam was, I still had to check it that morning.

I hate sitting still. If I'm at my desk I'll be jiggling my legs. If I'm watching TV I'll be folding laundry or exercising or both. I've been known to pace while reading.

I could go on, but won't...

Marnie said...

I high-five any kid who says something clever, followed by a "woo-hoo". The parents think I'm nuts, but the kids like it. My daugther loves it too.

I like to eat off of small plates and use the smaller cutlery-not for any particular reason.

I do a happy dance when I get great news or something cool happens.

40 going on 4 ;P

Georgina Dollface said...

Oh how to pick just one quirk? How about this one...
I get uneasy for the 2 minutes or so in takes me to empty the kitchen trash bin and take it out. I have this fear that if I don't put a bag in right away, someone (even when I am home by myself) will come along and put something icky and wet in the bin without a bag and it will be gross and I will have to clean it out.
I <3 your quirks. Maybe your quirks and my quirks can have a playdate one day! - G

The Invisible Seductress said...

***This has been the funnest post!! It's so cool what we think are quirks others think are cute and fun!! That was kind of my point,, I love being right!! :}***

wearesmrt-Laughing is the BEST quirk!! I'm with ya on the JF...eeeep ;{

Blase-You sexy man you!!! xoxo

CB- Your quirks are awesome!! And they make sense-and you got my wall thing-that one sucks!!!

Ca88andra- I need your help here--smiling-We'll get the dating thing I think...hope...maybe.. smile

Marnie- I love that too!!! Woo hoo's are always in order!! Ant the happy dance is too!!!

Georgina- Our quirks would love eachother-and we would be irreststable together!!! <3

Dutch donut girl said...

I'm so going to steal this post idea about quirks, but you will get a honorable mention :)
Love your quirks.

I open my mouth when I'm putting on mascara.

I mis-use the repeat function, too.

I talk to my cat.

I love to walk in the rain. Makes me feel sexy. Weird! I know.

I hardly ever reheat leftovers.

I love the smell of books.

I could go on and on. Quirks are great!!

The Invisible Seductress said...

DDG- Please do, this was one of my funnest posts to get and know people...I don't like to reheat leftovers either,, I hate it,, but now that I am poor I have to do it a lot more and I always feel lime whining about it...sigh :}

baygirl32 said...

I have a zillion quirks...most of them have developed since getting married, a few are from being a mother and the rest, who knows....

My brain works a little that that of Bevis and Buthead, the smallest work and I'm snorting.. "Hehe you said____________! hehe

But next time you wanna go midnight gardening, I can give you my address

The Invisible Seductress said...

Baygirl-That Beevis And Butthead thing endears me to you....hugs,,,that is great!!!

I;ll call with the next garden Fairy tour I do!!

steveroni said...

NOT a real quirk. A habit of mine at red light in traffic, when I'm riding my Suzuki--I look at all the drivers around me, and wave, smile, and otherwise do whatever. And invariably I get back the same..whether 6 AM or 6 PM. I just love Peeps, and they seem to "love" back!

I chew bubble gum and take off my shoes at mass. But doesn't everyone?

Came here from whoever...oh Yessss, that girl from Europe, DOUGHNUT GIRL. (Amsterdam?)

Anonymous said...

trjgrhry

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