Monday, May 31, 2010

Your basic: "What's your opinion?" post...

I have been watching a lot of the ID channel. If you don't know what that is and are not currently addicted to it,,,, be thankful. Basically it's like a flashing arrow over the head of every person around you that reads: I am psycho,, I look normal but,, I am psycho,,, and my hands are dirty,,, and I just ate at the buffet and,,, sneezed UNDER the sneeze guard!!

germs Pictures, Images and Photos

OK,,, so I added the "and my hands are dirty" part 'cause I saw them sneeze in their hands and that was just gross 'cause they didn't have a tissue and they should have used the crook of their elbow thingy like the good people at CDC said to!!!....But they did just really eat at the buffet and sneeze under the sneeze guard,,,, sorry to have to tell you that...

Don't you feel all NASNEEE now????? (FYI: Nasnee is toddler talk for: NASTY)


And on an off note...

Why is it that our genius inventors can't figure out a way to kill 100% of germs and viruses and not leave that pesky little .01% hanging around everywhere???

WTF is up with that .01% anyway???

Speaking of DNA..Yours is everywhere. You just sneezed 1,352,658,000,001,002 germs into the air.

Ooooopsies missed one!!

germs Pictures, Images and Photos

You just sneezed 1,352,658,000,001,003 "Microbial Americans" that can identify your DNA to a 99.9% accuracy rate in the air (again with the .01%!!??? WTF???????).



And now you could have people with less than angelic demeanors watching tutorial shows on the ID channel like:

Extreme Forensics: Teaches you how to hide DNA

I (almost) got away with it: Teaches you how to (almost) get away with something and maybe YOU WILL 'cause you just saw the mistakes people who (almost) got away with something made

48 Hour Mysteries: Demonstrates how to properly orchestrate an alibi

Dr G. Medical Examiner: Shows what deadly toxins are almost always undetectable in your body

Main Street Murder Mysteries: Accurately portrays every super-nice human as a ruthless murderer and NO ONE is to be trusted

Pure Evil: WTF???

Dateline Mysteries: Total rip off of 48 Hour Mystery, no real distinction here except the narrators voice is Uber-creepy-weird and annoying and then turns squeaky evil in the end of the story synopsis and I wish he'd just get laid and talk normal for cripes sake

I gotta say it's making me a little crazy.. But I am addicted!! I mean really, if you are going to be bad,, you are going to find a way to be bad. And I know that not all people are bad,, but watching these shows and getting to know the characters before the crime and their lifestyle and demeanor after and what they were doing behind closed doors ya gotta say: DAMN REALLY???????

Bad guys don't typically look "BAD". They smile and keep themselves up and have friends and dead girlfriends and dead wives and, and, and they all seem to sing karaoke...Ya see,,,, I am a little off about this.

Any who,,,,, Soooooooooooo......

A guy showed up a few weeks back and wanted to mow my grass. I said: 'ya know,,, it takes commitment to let a yard look like this (and raised my hands to better accentuate the beauty of nature as a bird that would be DEAD if I HAD mowed my grass landed on my finger and sang a sweet little "I am so glad your yard looks like crap so I can live" birdie song). Some people would just mow it all down,, but I say: NAY,, (I used the right "NAY" this time,,,, yay me!!) ...Let nature bloom, if I don't lose my toddler in the grass drifts,,, maybe I can wait a week (that's what poor people call stalling... And..furthermore.. I WOULD mow it myself,, Mr.Person who is saying "get off you ass and mow it yourself",, but,, I have had a lot of medical issues AND have had 3 mowers stolen and refuse to buy another one...fbbbbthhhwwwwwt... That was a raspberry in case you didn't pick up on it...).

So anyway,, this guy comes around and seems super nice. Calls me "his pretty" which did kind of make me go: "huh",, but it seemed to be just the way he talked and I assumed that he LOVES "The Wizard of Oz" movie so much,,, that he stole a line from the Wicked Witch of the East (no flying monkeys have been located as of yet)..

flying monkeys Pictures, Images and Photos

He was really cheap and I was going to have to be somewhere,, so I paid him ahead of time (and then kicked myself in the ass 'cause I thought I'd never see him again) But,, he came back even being paid before hand (when he could have skipped town with my money and caught the rage of a fierce 4'11" Seductress super-hero-ish girl with great sparkly eye lids, bad comedic timing and too much mascara in her purse,,, no one wants THAT wrath!!!).

He's mowed it two other times now. But the last time he did,, he started rooting around a little about me. Saying things like: I don't like taking your money,, 'cause I KNOW you are doing this on your own,,,, and,,,, It must be hard being alone with the kids like that..Which I just did not give a response to at all...But now it's made me back up a little...

Then,,, he offered to clear off dirt that the puppy had dug up on the walkways and fill the puppy holes, I declined saying I didn't have the money,, but he said he would do it for free and went to touch my arm....UH...UM.... I went in the house kinda skeeved...

He mowed the lawn and then left.

When I walked outside, I saw that he did not shovel the dirt,, but he DID leave his very heavy, very crime-able shovel by MY bedroom window. So now I am having nightmares of him coming back to get his shovel..... and me........Of course I moved the shovel to the front..

So what do you think folks???

Am I being paranoid or is this a little concerning????

Eeeeep......holds me.......I scared a lil'.........


America's Most Wanted:

Kitten I wanted Pictures, Images and Photos
Inmate# CUCME
Prettygirl,Jewel
Held for the public use of a "Hairball Sympathy" ploy

jail cell puppy Pictures, Images and Photos
Inmate # OU812
Malone,Bugsy
Big NY Steak Cartel Boss


i fought the law Pictures, Images and Photos
Inmate # ME1kutee
Diva, Sweet
Destruction of Red Christian Louboutin's


And they looked sooo innocent!!!

{{{{{{{shiver}}}}}}}}


9 Seducing Deductions:

Marnie said...

I agree with you regarding those crime shows...it gives the wrong people some really brilliant ideas, and this is scary.

I would have moved the shovel too...lol :0)

Take care,
Marnie

Cheeseboy said...

This post is awesome and I have always wondered about that .1% of germs.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Just tell your new bf that you will get DNA all over him and that it is the special kind of DNA that doesn't wash off. And tell lots to people that if you DO go missing that is was a unplanned excursion. Because we know that the only perfect murder is the one no one knows about. Maybe offer him a juice next time in a clean glass. Now you have DNA and fingerprints. When I taught I did a a forensics unit all the time. Those kids could fingerprint and do cultures and collect evidence like pros. But most of all...the most important thing is to STAY ALIVE AND I WILL FIND YOU - sure that all 'Last of the Mohicans' but I can make it work in today's society. You must be a sweet piece of luncheon meat for him to be sniffing around hoping to add you to his trophy case. I need to see those risque pics not...purely for body identification you understand. All profession.

Heff said...

The .1% leaves the companies a legal loophole so they can't be sued when you get sick, or die even after using their product.

Keep the guy's shovel. He forgot about it.

Dutch donut girl said...

Oh, I could commit murder and get away with it.

But I'm not gonna do anything without you.
How good are you at keeping secrets?
The less people know about it the better.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Okay, sister, the guy clearly has the hots for you. Let's be objective now and forget all the crime show stuff. Besides, Cal's clearly got your back, safety-wise. No worries.
Objectively speaking, gardeners use shovels. (Yes, murderers do too, but that's not the point here.) The point is your happiness. So is he cute? Decent looking? He sounds nice. He likes you. Perhaps this all calculates to a good thing. It is possible, hon.
xo Love ya, Robyn

The Invisible Seductress said...

Marnie- Hugs back...yes those shows make you paranoid-watched a whole new batch yesterday...sigh

Cheeseboy-Yes that.01% is weird!!

Cal-Anything for you!!! Staying Alive 4 ya!!wink...hug

Heff-That makes sense!!!

DDG-I never saw you here-you never saw me here--looking around.....laughing...

RRG-Nah,,,No sparks there..Maybe next time..Next lawn mowing guy..shrugs..hugs back

Powdered Toast Man said...

I think you are paranoid, He's just a nice guy that wants to touch you in certain places, nothing wrong with that.

He could have left his shovel for you to use or he did it on purpose so he could stalk you innocently.

Sir Thomas said...

the law always wins....

you been bad?

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