Pipe

In the hunt to find a sparring partner I had went on some dating sites and flexed my seduction muscles. It hurt, it ached,, those are muscles I hadn't flexed in a while and popping in with no "warm up" was not an intelligent decision. Still, with me being easily amused, it seemed I had found an activity that was entertaining (even if it is only to scream out "WTF--did he jus...what an IMBECILE!!!!!!" every once in a while).

I knew I would not hurt any one's feelings or play games with them (unless they initiated and my brain would explode if I didn't make a move and I could use Circus Peanuts or Olives -OR BOTH!!!) so I proceeded with caution and pilfered through.

I have been man less a good long while and the waves of loneliness are pounding and cruel, but that does not mean I am ready for the crystal clear flat waters of "Settling Lake" (which sounds like a horror story doesn't it?). But going man less has it's highs and lows, at least my 4 year old son leaves the toilet seat up for me to fall in at night,, so,, it does feel like an inconsiderate man is here sometimes!!!

I got a good number of hits and some seemed decent so I contacted them back and cautiously started correspondence with the devils of dating. A few were nice, in a droll Mr. Whipple way. Others were deviled ham psycho, complete with the scowl. But all were just a bit different from profile and chatting escapades, and that's OK, I was still meeting people and having fun.

And I did meet some really really nice people too, just nothing fit (it's not you, it's me). And it got tiring. So I withdrew graciously.

BUT........

Months ago I wrote about a problem I was having. Men were sending me pictures of their nether regions without any solicitation or expressed interest on my part. And none of them were impressive (that wasn't the point, but had to be added so that you are properly informed). I was a bit offended but took the liberty to torture them with less than favorable but always hilarious responses (entertainment in my world comes cheap).

Last night as I was sleeping angelically, I heard my picture message alert. Great,,,,it was 3AM no good can come of a picture sent at 3AM!

But,,,,,, I WAS being thought of!!! GOODY!!!!

And there I had it......PIPE.......from the past....PAST PIPE....pipe I had already dismissed for sending me pipe pictures before.....

I now held in my palms........another..........NON-IMPRESSIVE PAST PIPE PICTURE...........which is even worse then PRESENT PIPE PICTURES.........(pipe down people).

Slapping hand to forehead....why???? just WHY???????? I don't think I will ever understand this concept.

Criminey!!!!

I miss Mr. Whipple and the deviled ham guy.....at least they had marketable qualities!!!


He was such a good squeezer!!


Spam got in the way,,sniffle.

******Remember this is "ask me ANYTHING" weekend..so Ask me.....anything.........I have so much knowledge to give and no one to bestow it upon...Please,,,,, come into my BOSOM- AND ASK!!!!!!!********

Oh yea,, I forgot to post how I answered this particular picture text and then I thought: "How would my blog family answer it???" Hmmmmm ?? How would you have addressed this one??

You can see examples of my work on a blog called "I'm having issues-egads man!!!" on Dec. 4.
I don't know how to link it because I am moderately retarded (love me).

I texted him this: Thank you for having your Mother send me a shot of you as a toddler,,,soooo cute!! Next time let her know she should really wait till the morning.

...not my best work...but..a point is given I think....