Friday, January 29, 2010

Sex on Wheels and Hell on Heels

.....but maybe not in that order----wink

Well my friends,, it's time.... Time to venture back into the work world. Time to dawn high heels and business black pencil skirts. Time to calm down the hair and lessen the sparkle ratio on my eyelids.. No more "rocker chic" blue fingernail polish.. No more..........sniffle......FUN!!!!!

REAL WORLD---did you miss me?????

Some of you know about my medical issues and that I was laid off before the onslaught of surgeries started. Those who don't--now ya do.. My surgeon released me to the underworld a few weeks ago...... Dick!!!

So there we have it. I had my first interview yesterday morning. Clothes were pressed, jewelry was picked out, hose and shoes were ready,, but was I?????????

I have been in this business for 21 years. The business world does not scare me, but I have gotten accustomed to being here with Traxx and the girls and writing,,,, a lot.. I loved that.. So this will be a change.. But,,,, I am ready to fall back into professional mode as I do it so well. You would never know the insanity that really lays within while I am at work (and I am trusting YOU to keep it on the DL!!!!!!).

And with that.......I wanted to share with you what I REALLY wanted to say through the interview process. I have recapped some of the questions below and adjusted his behavior accordingly.

*****names have been changed to protect the innocent,, not really,, damn the innocent,, always getting to be unnamed and sweet.....they did SOMETHING I tell you!! We just didn't find out yet!!*****

Wanna hear about the Interview process?? Of course you do!! Here I go:

It's a beautiful Central Florida morning, sun is shining, Gator fans are well, everywhere. And in the distance I hear the call to the workforce upon me. I shutter as I walk into a 3 story formal building. Upon entering the reception area my stomach back flips and I instantly scan for a restroom-just in case. Great. I kindle my strength and approach the elderly receptionist with a sweet smile and encouraging voice. I squeak my intentions while smiling like the Cheshire cat, no doubt looking out of place. I sit to await my interviewing party. He walks in tall and strong. I can't help notice his hair is sticking up like it had been groomed by monkeys. Being a visual person I muster my strength and tell myself...don't stare at the hair,, don't stare at the hair.....don't stare at the hair!!! When I realize this rhymes, it makes me smile. He garners my attention and asks me to follow him. I do. I notice that on the floor there is a stripe that goes into each office and down each corridor. I wonder if androids come out and follow the stripe while methodically toiling their day away. I wonder if I will make a good android. I know that I will not. We enter a conference room filled with empty leather chairs offering an air of haughtiness.

The interview has begun with the normal small talk and me trying not to giggle revealing my inner goober. Now the formal outline of an interview starts:

......leaning back in his chair doing the "business man" leg cross....

So tell me a little about yourself.....

Well I am a single mother of three and a master of wiping toddler asses. I have a Green Olive and Circus Peanut fetish that medical science really can not explain. I have not had intimate relations since 1902 which makes me incredibly incredulous about men and if you want to see me fierce, challenge me to a game of pool with a "men play better" attitude and see where it leaves you.

......Tightening his tie a little uncomfortably....

What makes you want to work for Morgan, Stanley, Smith and Barney?

Are you kidding me??? Morgan Freeman, Stanley Steemer, Mrs. Smith AND Barnies Coffee!!!
Just the "swag" alone would be awesome!! (Nudging him) When does the first PIE and CARPET CLEANING happen anyway,, after orientation??

......He is anticipating asking me to leave immediately but entertained with my thought process and cleavage so he continues....

Tell me something negative about yourself...

Now why in the heck would I do that? ......rolling eyes.....

.....Coughing to clear his throat....

If you could be a tree-what kind of tree would you be? (yes--REALLY!!)

Well, what kind of tree was this desk made out of? Because it's stable AND it's ALREADY in your office as a key element!

.....He is now realizing maybe it was a stupid question, but, maybe that was a good answer to

Why do you think you would make a good fit for our team?

Well, ...(looking around)..... I've seen some of the ladies around here and their fashion sense is a little {{{ahem}}} OFF. If I were here: free make up tutorials and styling services for all!!!!!! Your sales would increase immediately if your women were hotter! me a "look" and shuffling my resume....

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

On January 28th 2015 at 10Am, we will be celebrating the anniversary of the best hiring decision you have ever made! I love Carrot Cake and ornate silver watches...plan accordingly!!

And as promised:

High_Heels.jpg Hell Heels image by Madma

You're welcome!!!!!

7 Seducing Deductions:

Tamara said...

Well, good luck to you! I remember when I was laid off from work four years ago, and was out of work for a year. I loved it!!

Ca88andra said...

Best of luck! Job interviews are awful, but I love the answers you posted. Maybe I'll use them in my next interview... :-)

The Invisible Seductress said...

thanks guys!! I'm praying for something good to happen here--geesh--me on the side of the road cardboard boxing it would be interesting to say the least..

Blasé said...

You are such a clever writer. You know how to make me take interest in your posts.. and get horny all at the same time! You purposely do that, don't you?

f1trey said...

oh boy....i can see you need some more time to look! :)

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Great answers to those dumb-ass questions, especially the tree one. If they don't hire you, you don't want to work for someone so uptight. You will find a great employer worthy of you. Good luck on your new journey!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Blase-Glad I can oblige tipping fake cowboy hat-and thanks!!!

Trey-My real answers were a little better---but not as fun--smiling!! Yes more time--wink

RR-I hate those questions-You are already sitting there nervous--sigh then they ask you stupid evaluate your negative attribute questions!! Thanks for the luck--the market here is tight in the Financial market..need all the luck I can get!!

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