Wednesday, January 20, 2010

For someone special

I don't know if she will read this. And I did not want to seem too forward, but I have been thinking (hide the kids and valuables!).

A fellow (and very popular :) ) blogger has been writing about her prayers of a baby. She does it in such a potent beautiful way that transfixes me. I am a follower there and read teary eyed as she outlines her feelings.

I had went on a 7 year fertility journey myself and recognize the pain and longing it brings.

At work you see 16-17 year old's pregnant walking in with their gangsta boyfriends and a mom who looks petrified.

Then an obviously stressed mom of 3 toddlers comes in and is noticeably pregnant.

You can't help but think that possibly there was a mistake in heaven. Maybe a miscommunication between God and a lazy angel.

When you read stories like the Octomom you notice that your hubby is starting to resemble Nicolas Cage in his "Raising Arizona" days (that both scares you and intrigues you,, I mean me,, nooo,,,, you!)......A covert plan hatches in your mind.
This just HAD to be added--

You have the drugs and surgeries and poking and prodding and discussions and BB thermometoring and sex every night even when ya don't wanna and you are constantly trying to figure out if you can even AFFORD to keep going mentally AND financially.

Basically at this point you are a science project.

The drugs made me loopy and mean - people meaning well with stories of hope made me sad - some people made you feel inadequate - and - I felt like it was ME, not able to give him what he wanted.

About 4 years into the struggle I had a dream. I was painting my nursery and writing a poem on the wall. There was something about this dream that felt foretelling to me. I kept the poem written on a ratty piece of paper for the next 3 years. Here is the poem:

Wish upon a star my angel, wishes do come true!
You'll be wishing on the same bright stars,

We wished upon for you!

And I DID get a chance to paint that poem on a nursery wall. We were in the early stages of the adoption process and I had come to terms with that. I had relaxed knowing I would have a child that needed me and I could offer them my heart. We had just bought an expensive (for us) car to try and pay down a bit before the adoption took place. And I found out I was pregnant. I had went to the doctor in the morning and to work after, waiting on blood work. I had a customer when the call came in, she held my hand and we cried together. The rest of the day was me trying to remember how to speak and a series of dances with anyone who made eye contact.
The picture quality is bad, it's a picture of a picture-sorry---

My daughter is now 11 years old and fantastic!

- I am praying - I am wishing on the stars -
for you

9 Seducing Deductions:

f1trey said...

what are you kiddin? we got us a family here!

son you gotta panty on your head

Ill be takin these huggies and any cash you got

dont forget his fangers ed

well which is it young want i should drop? cause if i drop to the floor i cant rightly be a freezin and if im a freezin i cant rightly drop to the floor causa im a gonna be in motion

ya hear that? we usin code names

unpainted huffhines

(im so sorry...i know this ISNT the point of your blog........but its the only movie (other than in valley girl) that I ever liked nicholas cage)

f1trey said...

new profile pic.......nice....

Dutch donut girl said...

Beautiful post. 'Nuff said.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Laughing------must review movie!! It is a great one!!!!!

And pretty Donut girl,,,thanks!!! hugs!!!

Spuds said...

Believe in fate... but lean for forward so fate can see you!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Had to add the pic for you Trey!!!

..Leaning forward....

f1trey said...

LOL thats good....

Nitin said...

wow.. its a beautiful journey you have been thru. and i think someday your child will paint on the wall for her/his child. the same poem.. a timeless ribbon of love thru their lives.

The Invisible Seductress said...

..a timeless ribbon of love thru their lives..

That's a beautiful line Nitin!!! Really beautiful!!!

Thank you!!!

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