Thursday, January 21, 2010

Get your FARM ON!!!!! What does that even mean???

I was watching Dr. Phil yesterday (because I heart whining and the occasional necessary bitch slap!). He brought on a lady addicted to the Facebook game of "Farmville". Her kids were being neglected and her oldest daughter was pleading for help.

The woman explained that the crops "die" if she did not tend to them. Somehow this effected her life so strongly that she HAD to sit there ALL day to make sure her fake agriculture and livestock flourished while her real kids starved to death (brilliant!). But during the interview I had one thought pop in my desolate Dr. Phil inundated brain...

CRAP!!!!! MY CROPS!!!!!!

I had set up my first 6 crops just days before (just for the halibut AND a little because I was getting 50 "Farmville Neighbor" requests a day!!) I had promptly neglected my crops. I did this because----although it is not a Grand operation,, I DO have a real life and children that need to be tended to (and also because----- my addiction to Olives does not allow room in my brain for many more extracurricular non-olive related activities,, what??? It doesn't,, just sayn'!!!).

So I went to freakin' "Farmville" and discovered ALL my crops had died. The blonde twit in the middle of my scorched field stood there bright eyed and smiling. I looked at her and said "What you smiling at----- Ho!!!!!!" (no really,, she needed to hoe my fields! geesh).

And I will never go there again...

Now this logistically COULD be the end to this post... BUT I think we all know I am wordy and great with the transition of subject matter,, so check this one out:

My son has been waking me up God awful early these days. I know it's early because AgDay is the only thing on TV and the talk of soybeans permeates the brisk air.

.....see what I did there??????

---AGRICULTURE DAILY---Farmville---master of transition---yup---errrr---SOYBEANS??---well--- this silence from you is certainly awkward----I'll move on already---Geesh****

and on a totally unrelated issue:

..Oh CRAP!! It's the garbage truck and I got bags!! They switched my dang days and I keep forgetting!! CRAP!!!! Hold on whilst I run outside with three huge-ass bags- in my hello Kitty nightshirt and matching toe socks!!!!......

Thank you for being there for me!!!

OK,, so where were we? Oh yes, Traxx waking up before God does,, I remember..

So this morning my angelic son comes in chewing cud and carrying a crinkly bag (well it was REALLY a cinnamon bagel, but it sounded like cud!). He then takes the bag and swiftly slaps me on the head with it. The bagel bag had only one bagel left (which alarmed him and apparently needed prompt mommy attention).

The lonely hard bagel in the bag landed squarely on my porcelain doll like face (snicker-snort). This caused my body to react evasively and the bed to transform into a trampoline, throwing me 10 feet in the air (Normally I LOVE stupid human tricks,, but there was no camera for posterity and I was too focused on stopping myself from finishing the last syllable in the nasty word I began to scream to care).

Traxx just dropped the bag and stared at my flailing limbs and body as if I were a scene in a good episode of SpongeBob.

Let's be clear here: This is not my chosen way of waking up!

Do you want to hear my chosen way of waking up??? Of course you do!!! Here I ......


6 Seducing Deductions:

f1trey said...

:) good morning..... big smile

I haveta say..... I just do NOT like those applpications on facebook... i think its no less than stupid.

"heres a virtual drink"

"heres a virtual flower"

"heres a virtual hit on mafia wars"


why in the flying SHIT would anyone spend ANY time with this crap??? sorry needed to vent....

The Invisible Seductress said...

I am agreeing totally here!!! Here's a virtual High Five!!!!!

Nitin said...

i cant stand any of the games on FB.. i had tried to play mafia.. which i hated.. then i tried to play farmville which i hated more.. i apparently have no brains for games that dont include big guns. running around and an adequate amount of blood. and no waiting for anythign to happen. good thing you quit that stuff.. that way you can be sure you wont have to turn up on phil's show for farmville atleast.. ;P

The Invisible Seductress said...

That is a great way to look at it!! I'll have legitimate reasons to show up on Dr Phil!!!

tattytiara said...

Well not much of a farm game if the farmer doesn't starve to death when the crops fail, is it?

You Make My Date said...

Haha I loved the ho/hoe comment, well played!

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