Wednesday, January 27, 2010

In theory

I HAVE A THEORY

I see you,,, scootin' to the edge of your seat,,, lowering your head to move in closer to the screen,, you are captivated by what the Seductress could possibly have to share with you......

Well,, back up already,, it only effects me..

Wanna hear about it?? Of COURSE you do!!!! Here I go:

Gravity Hates Me!!!
shhhhh

Yes you heard that right,,, gravity,,, it HATES me. Oh yes,, I have been known to DEFY it in a feet overhead bruisin' bum escapade or ten... But,,,, I can't "Bend it like Beckham" (no wait that was just a soccer kick)-- or even come close to jumping high enough to make a decent basketball dunk shot (hell,, that was "White men can't jump"). Anyway,,, stop nit-pickin' me and just believe me.....I heart it, but it doesn't accept my love.

We danced today,, me and gravity.

I was not the winner..

Well played gravity,, WELL PLAYED!!!!!

Now I have a bruise on both ass cheeks in the shape of the oversize decorative buttons on the ass plackets of my jean shorts. Would this NOT ONLY happen to me????????

Maybe it has something to do with being short. Maybe the air down here is less supportive and stable. But if that were true then the dwarfs would be flying past us doing "their own stunts" at epidemic rates. They seem to be stable.

Now I am not trying to make fun of little people here. By all accounts I got jipped out of being one by an inch,, so I get it..... ----- If I were 1 inch shorter I could garner government assistance for having a disability------ If I were two inches shorter, legally I would have to be in a booster seat to drive

---- And ----

----There was a rumor going around that at 4'11" your very own Invisible Seductress could participate in the Dwarf Olympics!!

But,,, God did not smile down upon me. According to the Dwarf Athletic Association of America guidelines, the following height requirements exist:

Eligibility

Due to the medical nature of dwarfism, the DAAA has certain requirements that must be met for eligibility[3]. These requirements include (but are not limited to):

  • Disproportionate dwarves (usually with a chondrodysplasia who are less than (or equal to) five feet tall and proportionate dwarves with a height that is less than or equal to four feet ten inches are usually eligible to compete[3]

I am proportionate. Except maybe my boobs,, and my heart,, and maybe my hair is a bit big... but other than that...


The US Dwarf Olympic Bocce team will never be the same without me!!!!

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7 Seducing Deductions:

Dutch donut girl said...

You have a bruise on both ass cheeks? I'm scared to ask.

4'11? You are not short, you are just vertically... ok, you are short ;)
I always thought I was 5'6 tall, but I measured myself the other day and I'm really 5'4. How did that happen?

f1trey said...

perfection comes in that size?...huh..whod a thunk?

Ca88andra said...

Ouch! sounds like you should have a serious talk to gravity!!!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Ddg-Yes,,, ass bruises--good thing no one will see them--sigh--laughing...You are not old enough to shrink!!!

Trey- wink--smile--hug!!

Ca88andra- It will not listen-something about me being a wimp and needing to suck it up! geesh!! Could you talk to it for me??
hugs

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I hear you, short sister. I am under 5', proportionate like you except my big boobs, heart, and hair. Plus, I fall on my ass a lot too. I like your theory about gravity and shortness.
Do you climb up shelves and do creative maneuvers at the grocery store too? I am always knocking things over to get to my favorite foods.
But us little women are down to earth and grounded. You know, being so close to the ground.
Hugs,
Robyn

The Invisible Seductress said...

RR- Yes i have always been a climber! That is so funny!! We should hang out and show the boys what FIERCE looks like!!! Smiles and hugs

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Definitely, Seductress. I have been known to intimidate the tallest and biggest of men. What a team we'd make.
Hugs!
Robyn

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