The Sandcastle

I'm gonna be away for a while, the complications of life are hitting hard right now and I am not sure how to deal with some of it. I wanted to leave you with a story I wrote today. It defines really where my head is and where I am going in my battle. I really do thank you for taking the time to read my posts and all of the hard work that goes into writing yours. Writing heals me, or it tries, humor picks up the slack. I'll stop in here and there when I can to compliment your awesome posts!!! And trust me, I will bring sexy back..err..I mean humor,, I'll bring humor back..

She was walking the beach on a steamy summer day. The wind was casually blowing by her, reminding her of a favorite song she had heard when she was young, when she was carefree.

Her sandcastle had long been destroyed, carelessly built too close to the dangers of sneaky waves that amble up out of nowhere, crashing faith.

Early in the day she had found a little red bucket, the yellow plastic handle was broken on one end, no matter, some rewards have imperfections. She hit her knees and smiled, finding the hope that would help her to rebuild. She knew she would always rebuild, no matter the sacrifice.

Her tousled auburn hair was flowing in the breeze, spirits were lifted, the day looked much brighter, a celebrated moment not lost on her, the work would now begin. She started to sing in anticipation and wonder of what the end result would be.

Days and months rolled by unassumingly.

There were many times sweat and tears flowed from her being, mixing in with the sand, strengthening and binding it together, she was thankful for them all as they would define her spirit in the end. She was working diligently for her family, they were laughter and love, perfectly created from above, jewels in the crown of her life.

Their future hinged on a stable foundation and the assurance that each wall would hold strong through the summer storms and turmoil, the rages of an angry sea.

Many obstacles can threaten a small castle that is not built on faith.

She still carried faith even in great loss.

When the sun was blocked by dark clouds and rumble, faith dictated that it would reappear, a beam here or there, patches of warmth, always to return to her in some way.

White waves trespassed onto the shoreline, crashing on the castle, awakening her from slumber. Running out to mend each crack was vital, sometimes she had help, but she never wished or found pleasure in asking for it.

Some walls of the castle were strong and secure, she felt confident they would survive. On calm days, there were hours spent tracing her fingers around the main walls, remembering each plastered crack, smiling and thankful for every grain of sand she was given to mend them.

Walking through time, looking for the sun, she would find small reminders of hope and resilience. Little pieces of muted colored sea glass, sky blues and greens, rough edged and misshapen, all were placed in the now battered red pail.

Shells that spotted the dunes, deemed imperfect by many, would be held in her hand tightly, treasured for what they had to offer, taken to be given new life.

There was much rejoicing each time glass or shell was placed on the sides of her castle walls, mosaics of experience and struggle, now edge to edge, part of a unified structure.

She was always on the watch, ready to fix any damage that threatened the edifice, never resting unaware.

This would go on and on for her.

Looking up to the sky, she saw castles of stone and mortar, built on firm foundations, dwarfing hers, she often wondered what stories those walls could tell her, what wisdom could she gain from them?

One day she spotted a helicoptering feather, floating and dancing with each gentle gust of wind. It beckoned her to follow, entrancing with the motion and the slow way it hung in the air. While she held her hands out, it decided to take rest, tickling her gently while landing in waiting palms.

Crisp white, with a Stark black tip, it was perfectly balanced in color. The quill was lined with thousands of fine separations, all tied together, dutifully supporting one another. You could pull them apart, but with one quickened swipe, they could be bound together once more.

She would place this feather on top of the castle, a fine embellishment, speaking to the many steps it takes to hold life together, to be unified.

The wind started blowing fiercely, a storm was brewing, she ran out quickly to
fill the bucket with more sand for patching and stabilizing.

But she would return to find the castle leveled, waves taking it for their own.

She stood, feet sinking into the sand, pulling her under. Tears were flowing as the little bucket floated upon her slowly, lodging between her trembling legs. In the bucket she found the feather, unharmed by the ramblings of wind and sea, speaking to her loudly once more.

She would gather the shells and sea glass. Bucket by bucket, grain by tiny grain, she would rebuild the castle with the tears and sweat of another storm she prayed would soon be quieting down.

One more battle to be feebly but successfully weathered.

She would always rebuild, no matter the sacrifice.

Sunday Seductress Motivation

I often feel isolated from the real world. It looks as if the world is passing me by in Technicolors and intricate sounds that ring around me like a childhood game. A little Red Rover, Red Rover with reality and fate, your faith trying to hold on to shreds of the vision of happiness and the promise of a better day. You call out loudly: Send it on over! Your sickness, the loneliness, financial struggles and doubts, I will bounce you back, yelping like a puppy, trying to strengthen once more, before I defeat you again in the next round.

Easy to fall into depression when your world seems black and white, better to take the black and white images, watercolor them softly, making everyone long for your ability and secrets to survive. The book with tattered edges and stolen excerpts, feigned heroes falling and the weak shedding their fears is far superior in depth and deed as compared to the pristine tale with no twists of fate or loss of blood. Pristine novels, stay on the shelf, never to be opened, calling for the yellowing of pages, tears of missed adventures and stagnate waters of death.

A romance need not only be with a human, but with life itself, the sun and moon, river and ocean, all set tumultuously in their places for you to play within. A gift in the form of a butterfly crossing your path, whispering through the wind, enticing your smile, coloring life, is lost on the hopeless, staring down at their feet as they walk. You can find reward even upon stumbling, intricate pebbles, laced with color, after years of being thrown around in the turbulence of sand and water, now each one a polished and unique gem.

Take every sunbeam as your own, a beacon, enhancing your wonder and worth to this world, as a treasured and admired addition to the lives of those around you. When your hand is held, close your eyes and feel the life it brings to you, the bond to another, a most precious possession.

Hang your dreams on that star, but only when you feel tall enough to reach it on your own, until then, dreams can fuel you, hold them close to your heart. Nurture them as they grow and thrive, pulling together piece by piece, closer to the revealing of what once was a puzzle, yet now is priceless art.

Mountain tops, steep and stoic, lay in the pathways, haunting many journeys, but never halting the ones that matter most. An inspiring view from the top comes only after the strengthening climb from the bottom. You may stretch your arms out wide and twirl in the fresh crisp air of happiness many times in your life, but never forget what it took to get there, breathe it in slowly, selfishly, and then give it away freely to those around you who are gasping for air.

Seductress Quirks Revealed

I have a very good friend who was in a dead end relationship for years. No matter how many times the revelation came that it was going nowhere, it just kept going - NOWHERE. I think there is too much of a fear of being alone in the world. Truth is you have to know you can be happy on your own.

Someone else does not control YOUR happiness - YOU DO !!

Of course,, I have been alone for so loooooong now maybe I won't know how to be WITH someone when it does miraculously happen for me...I guess that can be just as bad. No worries though since I am dreadfully poor (another man deterrent) and don't have family around to babysit for free,, so I always have a kid around (which makes dating pretty impossible since I won't bring a revolving door of questionable characters around my kids).

So I will hang on the single side of town for a while and live vicariously through people who are actually living life on the field and NOT on the sidelines.

But,, I am always there for my friends and their many breakdowns.

These are a few of the specialty psychiatric services I offer:

Cryovers,, Eatovers,,Makeovers and Screwovers (Currently suspended but NOT as fun as it sounds,, trust me!!! It’s getting all dolled up and going out "trolling". I am embarrassed to say sometimes broke down girls need to do that,, ahem,, don’t judge me-UH-I mean her! And Always,, Always blame these nights on your friends,, your welcome!!)

Now after all that is said,, one of the most irritating things about their relationship was that with EVERY fight he would bring up EVERY little quirk that he thought she had,, again and again and again, and she would doubt herself. I love her. And I love her many quirks. That is part of really loving someone. She does have a lot of quirks though!! (wink, wink, CrimeScene - I love you!!)

I truly believe to be in a relationship that works on ALL levels you must embrace your partner’s many quirks.

I Love his quirks

I miss man quirks - a lot. There is just something sexy about the little silly things men do without even noticing it themselves.

I heard that they are making a robot that you can design to look any way you would like and program any way you want. When they get irritating,, you can reprogram them. All of this for a small fee of $10,000. Upgrades and special,, uh,, "equipment" available for an extra fee..

Lets just give up on having humans around AT ALL if we feel we need to control every move they make for them to live up to our trumped up specifications.

Bring on imperfections in the people in my life.

Let mine shine too because I AM human.

And now I will put on my brave face. I am going to share very personal information with you. I have decided to "out" a few of my quirks to further concrete the fact that I am a hopeless case and no man will ever want me for keeps!! (WHAT THE HALIBUT???? I’m a nut job for doing this!!)

You wanna hear a few??
Of course you do!!
Here I go:

(In no particular order)

I cannot drive a vehicle without dancing; the invisible microphone also occasionally makes an appearance

I lose focus and walk into walls - a lot

When it is raining,, I am a freak about not running over the cute little toads that dance in it

I burn my forehead with the curling iron at least twice a month for a perfect wispy bang payoff,, this leaves me with a sizable burn mark on my forehead that looks like an alien sucked my brain out

I sleep hugging a "man pillow" and have a small pillow named "camp" that was purchased in the camping aisle at Walmart. I put "camp" between my legs,, I hug "man pillow" and cover most of my face with the sheet,, so you may never really see me at night as I am camouflaged

I’ve been known to redecorate-rearrange (very quietly) whole rooms in the middle of the night,, even stain glassing windows or painting a mural

I’ve also been known to landscape small gardens (also very quietly) in the middle of the night (neighbors say the "garden fairy" came again) I do not do that in this neighborhood as the bad guys would steal me,, but I would irritate them with nervous rambling and they would return me promptly

I drop things a lot,, usually on my foot,, usually glass containers,, usually in public and I usually say Dammit

I really do love Circus Peanuts (but don’t eat them enough)

I really really do love Green Olives (and I eat them way too much)

I cannot watch stupid commercials without sarcastically changing the words

I write and perform songs in the shower,, there are also accompanying choreographed dances done in fine shower surroundings

I am a very bad driver and a very directionally impaired one

I do get lost a lot,, that makes me cry because I hate that feeling

No Dora,, say it isn't so!!!

I yell at Dora the Explorer when she is on because I get sick of her not being aware of her surroundings and asking ME if I see shit all the time when it is right freaking beside her

I have a weakness for Green Jello,, it increases to an addiction if pineapple is added

If I am walking with a group of business people into a meeting and it has previously rained,, I will be the one that misjudges the depth of a "little puddle" and walks in the meeting with squeaky,, gravel filled heels and wet hose

At least once a year I twist my ankle or break a bone

There are always sparkles at my house

There is not an end to the stupid one liner jokes I share with everyone around me - apparently my head is missing an "off" switch for humor

I can’t stand it when someone pokes me in the arm,, even lightly (rubbing arm)

I "fancy up" even to go to Dollar General (this annoys even me)

I have an endless supply of football jerseys and baseball shirts that I love to sleep in

I feel dirty when I swear,, but most of the time that does not stop me

If I really like a song I mis-use the repeat function on my CD player

I cry when I see dead animals on the road AND at every damn telephone commercial that is aired

I have a fetish for a strong jaw line on a man (even just saying it made me "happy")

If I see someone fall,, bang their head,, trip,, or otherwise injure them self in a dramatic way,, I laugh,, I know I really shouln't,, but I can't help it (and I am sorry)

I really do pee a little when I get a comment (kidding),, But it really does makes me happy

I take the time to dance a little and sing along with my cell ring tones,, and actually I think it is a bit weird that you don't because you CHOSE them because you LOVE them RIGHT????

WTF????? RUN!!!!!

OK- so that should be enough to run ANY man off, but it’s out there now and it is part of what makes me- me.

Embrace your quirks and those of the ones you love and your life together will be so much happier. At least I think that is what Dr. Phil would say,, but he might say it like this:

WTF,, REALLY???
That doesn't even Make sense!!!
You and your REVERSE MOHAWK!!
But you're quirky,, and I heart you!!
(cough)

Now please do YOUR homework. Humor me a little and take a moment to add one of your quirks in my comment section,, I promise I will not laugh AT you,, but I will probably laugh WITH you,, unless you request that I don't and then I will tell you I won't but I really will because you have no way of knowing.

This would also be for my own benefit; I mean I’m not THAT weird, RIGHT????

(Insert: "Why NO Seductress,, you are TOTALLY NORMAL" here please...)

Have a wonderful Saturday everyone!!

You Sexy Seductress you!!!!!! Adults only!!

The director of the film is doubting his choice in actresses.


"CUT!!"
"Dammit Rapunzel, how many times do we have to do this scene?"
"It is YOUR freaking Fairytale for cripes sakes!!"
"Pull your dress up and TRY AGAIN!!"

Poor Rapunzel, not wanting to get her hair all in a twist. Listen, I understand!!! My life is no freaking fairy tale. But I,,, more like Cinderella,,, am on my hands and knees cleaning and trying to get by. My house needs a lot of repairs. This is possibly why Prince Charming would never want to date me. He would saunter in the door, look around, say some expletive words like SHIT REALLY????!!! And unless he liked camping indoors with few working creature comforts,,,, leave to go Manscape himself.

I am not the best at fixing things, nor am I the best at having the money to fix things or even asking for help fixing things for that matter. I tend to rough it. I am good at using a canned goods as a hammer,,,, and painting a patio with a broom,,,, can you do that?

I have told you about my "light" problem before. Once a month nearly ALL the lights in my house blow out at the same freaking time,, it's bizarro!!! I always forget to buy light bulbs or forget where I put the last batch (and can't find them in the dark) and settle into the darkness nicely until the batteries die out in the flashlights or until I stub my toe more than a dozen times in an hour. Actually I am exaggerating here, I usually fix the light problem after I stub my toe 8 times in an hour,,, that's my cap,,, "8". I am not good on a ladder. Or with balance. Or with balance on a ladder. And I am stupid enough to use the "this is not a rung" rung,, and fall to my death, or at least to my %$#@$^!*@&^& stupid freaking !&%%$#%%@$!%^!!!

My kids are used to things not working over here. I guess sadly now,,, I am too... This is prepping me for when I live in the jungle, because since Prince Charming will have nothing to do with me I have been exploring romancing Tarzan.

Ooooooooooh,,, Or Maybe

George of the Jungle!!!

Yes please!!

Less Manscaping and more grunting...

But here it is,,,, below,,,,, the bane of my meager existence..... The thorn in my rose of life.....

Not the cats,,,,,, the toilet!!!

I have to put my hand in the dang tank of my toilet at least 15 times a day. I have to plunge that toilet at least 3 times a day. I have "fixed" that toilet (the Home Depot way) at least 5 times already.

I don't like putting my hand in the tank of my toilet. I don't like plunging my toilet. I don't like trying to "fix" my toilet or praying the kids wait to flush until I can observe the toilets behavior to assess whether or not I need to do a toilet "Intervention" and dive below to manically turn the water off.

None of these things make me feel pretty.

I have tried talking sweet to it and not calling it @#!%$%@%%#$% POT.

That conversation goes a bit like this:

My dearest toilet:

I love the way you take one for the home team,,,, I really do,,, it's a crappy job,,,, but lately I have been thinking about our relationship. No,,, really it's NOT me,,,, it's YOU! I clean you every other day, I even scrub you with the brush "just so" and you flap your little handle in bliss. We certainly FEED you enough in this house, heck my kids Herculean droppings in ONE day should satiate you for a week!!! I even stopped buying those "scrubbing bubbles" because they tickle you and don't really clean as well. Point is,,,, I care about you!! I refurbished your innards even,, gave you a face lift,,, remember that new shiny fake metal handle?? It's all the rage according to "Modern Toilets and Bath" magazine!!

Look,,, I need a favor. Stop letting your bowl runneth over!! Please allow me to flush you more than once without dipping my hands into your innards,, and really,, no one likes it when you run your mouth ALL night,, swirling and circling,, nag, nag, nag!!!

What's it gonna take here?? A seat cover,,, I can do that,,, hell I'll even knit you one myself,,, Martha Stewart,,, now she makes a fine toilet cover,,, I can buy you one of those!!!! You want my son to stop peeing on your rim,,, I know right,,, me too!!!! That's just gross!!! We can train him!! I'll float some targets in the water,, HECK,, I have been thinking about selling him,, you just say the word!!!

Please just tell me what you need and I'll do my best to service you.

-Love Me ( I know, sounds a little needy, but, SOMEONE SHOULD DAMMIT)

This of course does not work as a toilet has no concept of bribery or empathy.

They are cruel, cruel, porcelain bathroom dictators!

But apparently some of them DO have rules...

I am sure the square for "No Apples" is on the other side.

So,,,, I'm just gonna throw this out there.

Seductress pornography

When a man actually DOES fix my toilet.. I will probably throw him down and make mad passionate "my toilet is fixed,,, for reals" love to him. It will be hot and it will be heavy.

I will be THAT flipping overjoyed at not having to handle toilet water. I will be THAT heated about not having to plunge in splashy bits of tainted toilet water. I will be in a flushing bliss marathon of roses and pageantry!!! With each un-Seductress rigged flush,, another wave of passion will hit me!!

Not doing these awful things will make feel THAT sexy.

For that reason,, I have come to the following conclusion:

I will not be calling a professional plumber.

I doubt that it would be proper or socially acceptable to rape the Roto-Rooter guy. Rusty of "Rusty's plumbing" would probably be slightly offended if I threw him on the cold tile floor with no warning. A to Z plumbing technicians would probably quake in fear of my crazed, happy, happy, love celebration (the marching band coming down the hall while balloons and confetti fall from the ceiling might be a little alarming to them all as well).

Therefore,,, my toilet,,, from henceforth on,,, is slated to remain a pain in my ass.

I will just have to:

Suck it up Nancy!!

And deal with it.

Unless some Male Escort Service doubles during the day as a reasonably priced plumbing business.

And then....... Well....Then all bets are off......

This is a stick figure depiction of my happiness when my toilet is fixed.
Apparently in stick figure age I am "7".
My hands are also rakes (jealous much?).
And NO I am not on my knees, this is me jumping for joy.
Why am I explaining this to you?
Get out of here until you can appreciate fine art.