Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Everything I need to know about dating I learned from DramaGirl!!!

My youngest daughter DramaGirl's birthday is coming up. It's hard to believe that she is going to be in the double digits!!!! This is a re-post about her "dating life".

Drama is getting made fun of in school for having a beauty mark. This humors me because the same thing happened to me growing up. All through high school I used concealer to hide mine so I wouldn't stand out. It was then that Cindy Crawford hit the scene running and she was uber-fab!! Madonna also was popular and even she had a strange "traveling" beauty mark on her face (WTH?). I thought they were both sinfully hot so I finally embraced my unique feature. I even started darkening it in a bit when I was fully made up. It became a trademark of sorts for me, as it will for her.

My daughter's beauty mark happens to be in the perfect spot next to her mouth. Her dark skin and almond shaped eyes give her a Brazilian look, which is getting noticed by her whole football team (yes, she is the bubbly, slightly aloof, quintessential cheerleader). Luckily she hasn't noticed being sought after and is oblivious to the amount of muddy football boy attention she gets,, YET,,, I think.

I shudder each time these boys run up and stutter and sway as they talk to her. She has started with the "multiple boyfriend" talk and I have started perfecting my alibi stories. You can tell by the name I dubbed her that my daughter is a drama queen. Where she gets it from I don't know (urp) but it's developed quite prominently and it both amuses and annoys me to no end. She is also very sensitive and gets her feelings hurt if you look at her wrong. I worry about these heathen boys breaking her heart daily.

She will be the death of me yet.

At a recent game, 3 boys walked by and fumbled over themselves gawking at her. They were laughing and conversing with "Beavis and Butthead" flair. It may have been inappropriate to shoot them with the paintball gun but whatever. After the game one of them, a little boy named Tanner, ran up and did the patented "DramaGirl sway". He was a rough edged blonde with blue eyes and "trouble" stamped on his forehead. He stood there in full uniform, scoping her out right in front of me. I fully expected a well thought of sentence but instead, he stammered a "HI!!" and ran like the wind. I held back my desire to scream "Run FOREST,,, RUN!!!”

As he escaped, my daughter bee-bopped beside me and I asked her if that was ONE of her BF's. Her answer choked me:

"Noooo, not YET."

WHAT THE HALIBUT????!!!!! NOT YET????!!!! So now she is actively PLANNING future relationships?? I must have looked funny because she countered me with:

"What???,,, did you SEEEEEE him????" said swooningly, in full daydream mode.

Sure enough by the next game Tanner was her boyfriend,, he even brought his mom over to meet me (again,,, WHAT???) They blossomed... (It had been a week-- years in tween love life time). I asked DramaGirl what having a boyfriend actually meant,, she said:

"It means respecting each other!"

(Insert angelic music here and bow to my masterful parenting skills).

There were many occasions I overheard her talking to him on the phone saying things like:

"Nooooo,, you're MY pumpkin!!"


A few days later there was a Halloween party and things grew tense between the young loves. She was all dressed up as a "Midnight fairy" and was fabulous. The evil jealous bone welled up in Tanners little body. DramaGirl broke up with him that night because she said:

"He kept putting his arm around me and trying to hold my hand like he was my OWNER!" and then she grumbled.

Tanner, overwhelmed with hurt, kicked my daughter in the knee and then hit her in the stomach. I visualized her crumbling with tears at is feet. My sensitive, dramatic daughter did what I never imagined she would do. She turned right around, marched in the room with the adults, found his mother and in front of the room said calmly yet severely:

"Please get your AWFUL son and take him home, it's OVER!!"

(I'm welling up, gimme a second)

I was very proud of her but, this wasn't HER home or HER party so the effect was a tad jaded (but still awesome!). We had to see Tanner on a regular basis after that. He tried to "get her back" through gifts and many a secret message delivered through her "annoyed by the hassle" older sister.

"Meet me by the bathroom tomorrow morning, I have gifts!!" he would scream to her at football/cheer practice.

He went on for weeks like this to no avail. I thought she would crack when we spotted him with a new girlfriend but instead, she commented on how stupid they looked together and how she hoped she didn't look THAT stupid (I didn't tell her she did).

As for me,,, I am secretly jealous that my daughter's love life is better than mine when I pluck, shave, paint and polish myself everyday, and all she does is shake her hair out (sniffle, snort).

And I await her next "love" journey and mine, paintball gun cocked and loaded.

14 Seducing Deductions:

Jim said...

As the father of a QB, who has yet to fall under the spell of a cheerleader (or admit to having done so, anyway), we need to talk :-)


Anonymous said...

You have your hands full! She's a little spitfire it seems :)

Autumn said...

that was a hilarious post! i agree on 'respect' angle and the angelic music playing because of your obviously BOMB parenting skills. i laughed right out loud when I read the holding hands part. too funny!

my young one turns 7 next week. the little girl next door warned me that her friend wants to kiss my son and that I should be careful not to leave them alone. WTH? my older son turns 13 in October and broke up with his gf of 2 years via HER friend just before grade 6 graduation. dear lord...

Autumn said...

btw...she's beautiful and i hope she embraces her unique beauty as she grows.

jinksy said...

Gues she has an old head on young shoulders - good combination!

Anonymous said...

spitfire is a Understatement!!!!

beauty she gets from her mom....

In soul as well as appearance.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

She is awesome and can clearly take care of herself, just like mommy. I can't believe he kicked and punched her! I hate to think of what type of real boyfriend he will be, that awful boy. Loved the "Run Forest Run" line.
Hugs to you!

Kal said...

These are going to be rough years for her and for you but it seems like you taught her well and she knows how to make the boys WORK for it. As long as she is doing that, she will be fine.

mac said...

She'll do jus fine :-)

And, if not, FrankieTrax can always scare the bejebus out of the fellas ;-)

Crunk said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again: you're a great mum.

A word of warning however. Although I am British and it is not some much of an institution over here, I have played American Football (or just plain football to you) for several years. One thing I have learned is that cheerleaders are like sirens and it's only a matter of time before boys (trouble) come their way. Maybe you should get Dramagirl to join band or mathletes!


Midwestern Mama Holly said...

She is going to be fine.. sounds like no one is going to get one over on her!

Mike said...

How cute! She is very pretty. I can tell you the fun is just beginning.

Powdered Toast Man said...

That Tanner is going to be the next Mel Gibson.

Nippy The Penguin said...

Oh my seems like your little dramagirl has a good head on her shoulders and wont take crap from some punk, good for her dealing with him the way she did.

Post a Comment

Every time you leave a comment, The Seductress gets a tickle!!

giggle, snort....and maybe she pees a little...but it's still cute....really...