My Personal Trainer

I love waking up, turning on my computer, coming to Blogger and hitting "New Post".

The little cursor on the screen is like my little "Personal Writing Trainer".

He slaps me on the back of my head and screams:

"Do it!! Write now,, you crazy woman of fine looks, stellar personality and questionable sanity level!! I would love to have "little cursor babies" with you and I fantasize about making mad passionate blinking cursor love to you!! (oh my)...We would lay underneath the twinkling stars,, on a red blanket with a picture of the Tasmanian Devil doing a little jig in the center.

Next to the blanket would be a basket of seedless, green grapes,, 2 bags of cheeze curls and 3 bottles of chilled Strawberry wine,, oh,, and also a cursor sized condom that I poked a hole in because I really want little cursor babies with you Seductress!! (gasp) What Seductress?? Yes,, that IS VERY important!! No,,, not to worry Seductress,, they are NOT off brand cheeze curls my dear,, but the Cheeto brand cheeze curls (oh goody),, because they rock the Kasbah!! After we eat them I will touch you and you will have orange hand-cursor prints all over your body!! (you naughty cursor you,, giggle giggle,, wink!!)

We will laugh and laugh,, until the owner of this back yard where I set up this great romantic scene in,, hears us laughing and calls the cops,, she is a little taken a back at the sight of such a handsome cursor loving a human woman,, but cursor prejudice is still very real,, so I understand (she does not see you like I do cursor).

When the cops arrive they become entranced with you as well (who wouldn't be?? *blush*).. The police men decide to sit on the Tasmanian Devil blanket with us. While one cop eats cheeze curls and does impressions of Woody the Woodpecker (Oooooh,,, sexay),, the other peels you grapes. I fan you,, as erotically as a cursor can,, while singing any song you request,, because you are just that freaking FANTABULOUS!!!!" (Oh cursor, you do flatter me so!!)

"NOW WRITE BITCH,, WRITE!!!!!"

And I say to my little "Personal Writing Trainer" cursor: "Sing: "We are the world" in B flat,, little cursor lover of mine"!! And he does,, so I write a phenomenal post and click "Publish Post". My words of no value (but strung together humorously enough) float out into cyberspace where little particles of technology string them back together until they all form logical sentences of illogical theories and take their place on your computer screen. You then read my post and think that although I AM slightly off kilter,, I may not be a danger to society just yet and perhaps you do not need to call the authorities because you really do want to read about what happens to me today!! You know that almost everyday something really exciting (but not sex) happens to me as I am Karma's little red-headed play toy and it bats at me like a skinny cat on steroids. Emotional things like the dropping of Green Olive jars and watching their little Green Olive bodies be a sacrifice to the W to the Mart concrete floor -or- the car dancing competitions that I always win (in my mind) because that's how I roll -or-receiving "pipe pics" from men for no apparent reason (sigh).. Sometimes it is just a rambling of non-essential verbiage telling you of really trivial things that amuse me, similar to this post that you just got sucked into.. You now sit wishing that you can have the ten minutes back that you spent reading this post because,,, really,, I said NOTHING SANE or of any value to the good of human kind (except the cursor condom thing,, you should really always have safe cursor sex)...

So to redeem myself and this post I would like to share with you something of social relevance that will change the way you look at life forever and make you a better person in the end.

Maybelline has the best mascara.. and this is it...



No wait,, that only helps the women, the men need something too... Hmmm lets see....

Buy the women in your life Maybelline Mascara,, that looks like this:



I gotta tell ya,,, it feels damn good helping America with such a vital message!!!

Damn good!! I am feeling a Nobel Peace nomination here!!!!