Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Truth

I try to do something that makes me feel sexy everyday. I mean it's the least I can do for me right? So I paint piggies, dance, sing seductively with a hairbrush (shhh), try new shade of eyeliner, do my hair wild or just eat Circus Peanuts while laughing like a fiend (these were just tame examples, actual results may vary, activities may HAVE been changed to protect the innocent).

The other day I was bathin' it. Hot baths are a luxury as a single mom. They are NEVER alone or SEXY, but I was trying damn hard to zone into the little vixen hiding under the layers of mom.

The stillness of the water was soothing me as the perfectly timed drops of heat sang a sultry serenade advancing my relaxation.

...........shuffle.......crack........door opens...........

"Hi Mom!!!!!" DramaGirl squeaked as she backed her ass up to the lavatory furniture.

"Whatchya doin'?" the big brown eyes questioned angelically.

"Well, guess I am bathing, ya think?" I said full of love and NOT feeling sexy.

"Guess so"..... Laugh

I don't know for sure WHAT THE HALIBUT stops them from going to the other restroom????!!!!! I mean my mansion is sprawled and all but you don't exactly need a golf cart to get there. Don't they want privacy?????

....... Fart..... Plop...... plop........guessing not........

"Sorry mom, I farted" ...giggle

" I heard, Drama, could ya, uh,, hit the fan next time?? Sitting in your butt funk disturbs me a little from my bath" I retorted wittily and over her head.

"How do I get that 5th grader to love me mom?" She said with audible concern. "He doesn't even know I am alive mom!!"

"Well, I am SURE he KNOWS you are ALIVE Drama,, he just doesn't care cause he's stupid" My wise words permeated the air.

....... Riiiiiiiiip....... laugh..............more butt funk...............

"It's my beauty mark,” She states hanging quotations in the air "I hate it!!"

"But, I have one and I love it, don't you think mine is pretty?" I ask sweetly trying to finally break the "I hate my beauty mark" wall.

"Not to offend you mom, but no, it's a DOT!!!!" Wipes ass and starts to exit.

"Flush it and hit the fan, DramaGirl"...........

"I feel dotted"..... Sighing

........ Nothing like having a punctuation mark on your face to feel sexy! Let me finish that sentence for you RIGHT now!!!

You're welcome!!!

3 Seducing Deductions:

f1trey said...

if I were there I ..........would have guarded the door!....... take that back... Ida been in the tub with ya! you DO have a rubber duck....right?

The Invisible Seductress said...

multiple ducks salute me-smile-

NakedJaebird said...

I love this. I do that too, when you feel good about yourself everything seems to work out. :) Cute post.

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