Sunday, December 20, 2009

Falling for you

When I fall,,, I never look like this:

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I was walking out of my bedroom humming "Santa Baby" when I stepped on the neatly protruding comforter triangle thingie-jigger with my right foot. I tripped over the neatly protruding comforter thingie-jigger with my left foot (moms always say: make your bed, make your bed, make your bed....hmmmpf, because my bed WAS made,,, I could have DIED!!!!!!!). I flew up in the air and had one of those slow motion "this is gonna hurt" realizations, landing directly on my bad knee with a "WOMP" (Rock stars and Superheros always have a bad knee,,,,recognize!!!!). I think there was a curse word or ten uttered (but in a angelic lady-like way).

I am lucky to be alive. The amount of "klutzy" racing through my blood stream is in epic proportions. I decided long ago to donate my body to science to help aid in the study of the genetic codes responsible for determining the "clumsy" percentages in each human being. Ultimately I will be a key source of research in rendering a cure to our societies gangly future (oh and also to donate my killer set of pinkie toes to some lucky toe transplant recipient person, they are fabulooooooouuuuuus!!!!) .

As I fetal positioned myself on the floor I thought of some of the accidents I have had (and also of the "Life Alert" necklace, which in my opinion, they really should BeDazzle).

My first cast experience was in the 1st grade. My teacher was Ms. Fawcett. I remember thinking it was so cool that people wanted to sign my cast. This properly prepared me for my days now in the paparazzi spot light. Things happen for a reason. I received that injury by playing Tarzan with my brother. We were to jump off the front steps while doing "the scream" (for your intense interactive blog enjoyment, insert your best Tarzan scream here: {{{{{{{---}}}}}}} ). Girls were not supposed to be Tarzan. My brother was angry that I was cool enough to pull it off. I was cool enough to pull it off for about one try.

We were jumping on the trampoline to the song "My Baby". Apparently my trajectory was off. I bounced right off the tramp and onto the ground. I was the new kid at school and now I was on crutches. But the hottest boy in school was on them too and he sat next to me on the cripple seat of the bus, our crutches to the side, in perfect broke leg harmony.

My dad loved to skate. He could fly around the ring like a spider monkey stealing quarters. I was very good at straight lines and improperly using the carpeted wall to stop myself. The referee looked like a toffee bar- saweeeeet. I loved him (guys who skate are hot,,wink). Star Wars had just been released and the craze was on. The DJ put on the theme song and my heart sang with happiness. I drove my clanky little body to the height of speed. I am quite sure I blurred as I skated pass the referee. As I impressed all who were around me, I neglected the end of the skate floor. This caused a full force body slamming into the wall breaking my arm. I KNOW the referee loved me.

Wanna know how I know?? Of course you do!! Here I go:

He picked me up and carried me to my dad. I hurt my ARM people-----not my LEG----helllooooooo-----LOOOOOOVE----he carried me!!!-----he loved me!!! SIGH

I was dressed in a pleated plaid skirt with matching vest and shirt. I had dress socks up to my knees and a good pair of shoes on. It was picture day. My hair was straight and black and past my rear. This was a good day to play football with the boys. So I did. I played hard and mean. My brother was also playing. Then my friend Tony tackled me. I heard my collarbone crunch into my neck. I think I was in shock, not crying, just getting up to leave when the boys made fun of me. None of them knew my collarbone was sticking out of my neck. They made more wise cracks and I remember turning and screaming F U on the grounds of my Christian school. That story was like playground YouTube without the video-the whole school heard about it.. My brother beat Tony up.

One winter day I was getting off the bus when the driver decided to DRIVE OFF before I stepped off the last step. This caused me to break my ankle and drop all my books around me. I was embarrassed so when he asked if I was OK, I said yes and waved him on. I sat on a little patch of gravel in pain and wondering how I would make it home. My crush, a senior boy with a car (gasp) drove by and then came back. He had a red convertible and curly brown hair. His Letterman jacket looked warm and I was frothy at the sight of him. He picked me up, put me in his car and drove me home. I loved him. At school we never talked about it but he always touched my arm and asked me how I was. This always sent little shivers up my little spine.

Well these are just a few ankle and wrist injuries I have had. There have been many more but I feel you have shared (laughed at) my pain sufficiently. Someday I will tell you about kicking things and walking into walls.

8 Seducing Deductions:

Kate said...

I completely sympathise. I could fall over a speck of dust I am so clumsy

Kate xx

f1trey said...

:) were still snowed in...... so....i guess were not going skating? LOL

Tamara said...

I trip over air...I feel your pain!

The Invisible Seductress said...

it does skip a generation though it seems-second born has it bad!!!

Trey the liabilities of taking me skating out weigh the fun-well- maybe not if laughing at me all night is fun- ;)

......clumsy gals of the world UNITE!!!!!!

f1trey said...

LOL call me and let me know how youre feelin. :)

f1trey said...

hope your doin ok! XXX OOO

Colin said...

Funny post, I enjoyed that :)

I fell down the stairs the other day, felt like such a idiot, sore bum for weeks :P

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