34 1/2 Reasons you should love me...

I can make that Origami swan thing that flaps it's wings (that's a big deal in the Origami underground)

I use big words in everyday conversation, words like: flummoxed and befuddled, because I always am those most of the time...

I don't cook, so you never have to worry about trips to the hospital for food poisoning or salmonella

I can do the hand thingy-you know-- this is the church, this is the steeple, open the doors and look at the people!! It's great fun at sign language conventions, it's like a foreign language there.

I am chock full of wholesomely goodness

I don't know how to crochet, but if I did, I would never crochet you a toilet paper cozy

I can take a sunrise. Sprinkle it in dew. Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two!

I will make sure MY Presidential addresses don't interrupt your favorite TV programming

I will make trampoline jumping an Olympic sport

Everyone LOVES the "Blooper Reel", I LIVE the Blooper Reel

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, And their like. It's better than yours, Damn right it's better than yours, I can teach you,,,,, AND I WOULDN'T CHARGE!!!

I throw like a girl, so I would never successfully dunk you in the dunk booth at the church bazaar

I am biodegradable (except for the sparkles)

I think your tractor is sexy

I have a secret you want to know

SPAM on tap

Metaloxidesiliconediodefieldeffecttransistorcomposablereadonly memory failures do not scare me

I have extensive training in broken bone survival strategies

One day I will construct a 50 foot tall sculpture made entirely of Circus Peanuts, it will be virtually indestructible, except squirrels will eat it, I hate squirrels

I know the magic word, neener, neener, neener (no really, it's neener)

You're not heavy, you're my brother

My cardboard box home will be envy of the underpass dwellers

Snoop Dog is writing a song about my Swizzle. Fo Shizzle!

I make crazy look crazy

I can tie a knot on a cherry stem with YOUR tongue.. It's a telekinesis thang

I suck at miniature golf, but love staring at the windmill thingy and letting you win

I will buy a "choppy" and you can have the second "choppy" FOR FREE!!! Just pay shipping and handling (and I keep the extra "gratey", stop being selfish)

My mug shot will be the first one on the cover of Vogue

I see through your clothes, and you look goo-oood

I don't require adult supervision 65% of the day

I still run with scissors but only because I am trying to prove the point..

I know what Jerry Springer's FINAL, "final thought" will be

I am a hug hoarder

I start every meal thinking about Green Jello and floaty pineapple rings

I almost had another reason........