Friday, September 17, 2010

Dear pretty, pretty Moxie dolls, I am sorry for your luck!

Yes, you were chosen to come into a household where a child got caught painting Rollie-Pollie's (pill bugs) in pretty pearly pastel hues. I don't think the bugs minded very much because they carried it very well actually and let's be honest, it was an improvement on a dull gray exterior. We let them go as somehow the paint had not taken their lives (except the lavender one).

We cried as we waved and I gave the bugs some motherly advice:

"If any other RP's give you a hard time about your girly hues, tell them, that's just how you roll!" (I slay me!)

But the Moxie dolls that come into our home were purchased for their stunning beauty and really did not need makeovers. And in fact they were perfectly IN TACT when I went to bed.

The girls who had had bouts of roaring sibling rivalry and multiple occurrences of the dreaded "silent treatment" that day, had banded together some time in the night to revamp the Moxie collection!

I first knew of this when I experienced the pain of stepping on a discarded Moxie piece. I don't know how this happens but if there is a small toy with sharp angles any where in my home, it will relocate in the middle of the night to be the center point in my direct darkened path to the restroom. I have "toy" shaped scars on my feet and have made up new 4-letter words courtesy of my late night pain infused trips to the restroom.

I picked the piece up and examined it. What I saw was a bit traumatizing because I really was not expecting to find an appendage in the hallway. The Moxie foot was left there without the slightest attempt of saving its integrity. How callous was this? Even I know that an appendage has the chance at being reattached if kept in a cooler of ice (which is clearly available in Barbie's RV site) and quickly taken to the Moxie hospital where Moxie surgeons are waiting to perform an operation to save the limb. There was no blood at the scene, but the foot itself did have teeth marks on it from some sort of animalistic attack (or just DramaGirl's boredom and infatuation with chewing straws and such).

Now the doll would have to be fitted with a prosthetic limb and go through months of rehabilitation.

As I made it to the bathroom, I noticed something else was tickling my newly pained blue piggies. I flip the lights on only to find the silken flowing locks of a brunette Moxie mixed in with the long snippets of the once coveted blonde Moxie. The hair had once flowed luxuriously past their rear ends (as mine had done when I was younger which was irritating because I always sat on it and jerked my head back with alarming speed and jarring anguish) was now snipped to their shoulders.

What horror has happened here? What monster would cut such lovely strands of hair off of a freaking $25 Moxie doll!!!

And NOT to save the strands for "Moxie Locks of Love"???

This would need to be addressed. Balding Moxie dolls were missing out on quality esteem boosting wigs, this angered me.

But as not to take any chances with myself being footaly amputated and strandularly shaven in the hours before the morn, I shivered as I looked in on the suspects and locked my bedroom door...

The guilty ones were softly woken in the AM:


And I gathered my information of the maulings. Turns out the Moxie feet are detachable due to the fact that she wears "skinny jeans" and such. Who knew?

And..... in a surprising intellectual move to cajole her mother, the suspect claimed the hair stylings were said to be executed so that they would match mine, because my hair is so "cute".

Hmmmmm. Well done spawn-o-mine!

And yes I will have that "respect your things" and "those are expensive" talks with them but I can't help but flash back to the time I tried to curl my Barbie's hair and it wouldn't "take" so I left the iron on, with the Barbie hair in it, to go play outside and came back to find out that a Barbie head/face is essentially hollow when burnt through with a curling iron and synthetic Barbie hair does not take well to heated appliance styling AT ALL!!


The location of 2 Moxie feet is still in question and suspicious bite marks were again found on the Moxie doll leg stumps.

Some things will forever be shrouded in mystery.

13 Seducing Deductions:

Copyboy said...

Wow! Who knew there'd be so much to learn about Moxie. haha

diane rene said...

I absolutely love this post ... I too have two fashion divas who think their style tops mattel's, even on a bad day. many a barbie, brat and moxie doll have met their match. my 6 year old even cut off the arm of one such doll to show that "handicapped people can be pretty too"

Anonymous said...

Wow... just when I think you could not do any better...

you pop with this...

god you amaze me....

mac said...

And I thought my brother was just being mean when he cut up my sister's dolls.

No, he WAS being mean !

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Back up a minute: You painted rollie pollie bugs? YOU ARE SO COOL! I never would've thought of that.
Lots of love to you and the moxies.

Powdered Toast Man said...

I did it, I confess. I was jonesing for some plastic human shaped food and I couldn't find any at my house. I will sit in the corner for a time out.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Moxie dolls cost $25?!!! I'd never be stepping on their body parts, then, because my kids would never, ever have one. No doll is worth $25.

Anonymous said...

I'm too lazy to e-mail. But I gave you ANOTHER award! Yeah, I know, I just can't get enough!

Slyde said...

what is it with kids and pill bugs? my son can spend HOURS outside lifting up rocks looking for them..

Heff said...

Never heard 'em called "pill bugs" before. I guess it's all about what you're in to.

Ca88andra said...

Too funny! I was so anal with my dolls. I don't think I "played" with them at all. I just took them out of their cases, looked at them and then put them back. I think I was too scared of making a mess, or maybe just too lazy to clean it up once it was made so I didn't make it!

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