Tuesday, September 28, 2010

"Happily Ever After".. is that ALL we are after?

I have been struggling here to keep up. I miss the interaction with all of my blog family. I don't think any of you know how much I look forward to reading your posts and commenting. When I don't get to.....Aaaaaggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I say...Agggghhhaaaaaaaaa... I will get caught back up after this next migraine decides to leave. This is the prologue to the last post I wrote, the serious part if you will.. I will share it with you now.

Let us pour a glass of wine (or carry the wine box over) and reflect together shall we?

Where are you with "Happily Ever After"? Are you in it? Are you still searching for it? Given up? Maybe you had it but it got lost along the way.

As a child my only dream was to be happily married with 2.5 kids in a decent home, comfortable and stable. I have never been materialistic, a fact that helps being in the situation I am in now. But were my expectations too low? That certainly was not the mind set of "shooting for the stars" or a "dream big" philosophy, still, I would have been contented.

By all sense of reality then, I was IN my "Happily Ever After" for a time. Would I ever have the chance for another? I had all of those things I thought it would take, but I forgot something along the way, standing still is boring. Not the raising of the kids and the marriage part of it, but the NOT longing for something else, something grander, never to "settle".

I worked so hard to integrate myself into a "normal" family because my home life was anything but. I needed out and I needed to see what family was about, gatherings, helping in times of need, fighting sometimes, but always having a place to go on holidays. It was all a foreign concept, until I married into one and experienced it first hand, and I liked it. I let my world revolve solely around that entity. I was not an "I", I was part of a package, weakly in the background, doing for everyone but me, never saying "NO".

When I said "I need" (something) I really meant "They want"(something), and I bent backward until they got it.

I lost my dreams, I lost my happily ever after and I am right back in the thick of "not normal". I get invited to go to peoples places on special occasions, I went a few times, I felt like I was hi-jacking THEIR family. It also made me miss the concept of a family even more, it's easier on my heart just NOT going, but that takes its toll too. Now faced with everything I have going on, I see the flicker of a dream in the distance. But I turn away, doubting that I am strong enough to crawl to it. After all, I had my chance.

I have learned that in order for it to materialize, "Happily Ever After" has to change, grow and mutate into different things or you will never be fully aware when you are in it. You will be stagnate, taking for granted the very things that compose a great fairy tale to begin with. The "true" happy ending is compiled through the chapters and excerpts "BETWEEN" the pages and dark paragraphs filled with trials and tribulations. All these experiences tie together somehow in one central foundation of hope, faith, love and the ambition for more.

So as I continue to write my fairy tale ending, where I am now doesn't really matter. I have to let it go. In actuality it's all about those "IN BETWEEN" pages and how I compiled them, the good tempered with the bad, and that I kept writing all along, not afraid of the next twist of plot.

So where are you?

14 Seducing Deductions:

Marlene said...

Well written. :) I'm pretty happy in life. I'd be lying if I said nothing could happen to change that....but I try not to dwell on the "what ifs" and live in the present, instead. Cheers! Hope you feel better soon!

Autumn said...

oh my friend, i so relate to this. my family is messed up and any man i've ever been involved with, i do the family thing. especially with my ex hus, of course cause we were together 11 years. they become your family...yet make you keenly aware. there's a bit of longing too in my opinion.

i really like the way you said all of this. i think we all go through these growing pains before finding our individual happy place, no? these are difficult feelings. lots to sort through, but i bet you put on the happy face all the time. been there...

savour the small pleasures in daily life and really try to say "no" once in a while, for your sanity.

loves autumn
ps: i've been so freakin busy, i haven't been around in a while. i need to catch up, but always feel like i'm running out of time.

Anonymous said...

I am happy in my life because I am comfortable in who I am, what I like, who I want to share things with, however, I am restless. I always have been restless, I will always be restless..I find happiness not in what I have nor do I search for it what i don't have, but, I find it when I am meeting new people, experiencing new things, exploring boundryless thoughts :-)

Thanks for writing such thought provoking posts !!

Kal said...

I like you because you are smart quick and funny and that would get us well over the humps of life. But I see Jeff zooming in so he may get to you first. Let me know who that goes. What happen to you latin bartenders? I was kinda rooting for them.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I especially like these last two paragraphs. I was so thrilled to have my happily ever after for a minute, until it blew up in my face a minute later. I've realized that concept is just a fairytale. Sigh. Don't lose sight of that glimmer of light, my dear friend. You will get to it! And it will be brighter than you ever imagined.
Big hugs,

The Bipolar Diva said...

I feel you're writing of me.

Kal said...

I would love to see your tumble. You must collected some great images by now and I would be honord to reblog you - in both meanings of that word. First I add your picture to my collection - then I screw you in the lawn and then I replog you in the kitchen.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Concentrate on the journey rather than the fairy tale ending. Its much more fun and 10x less stressful.

The Savage said...

You're still my favorite mermaid!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I'm still growing, but for the most part, I'm happy where I'm at now. I still have areas where I lack and things I want to accomplish, but as long as I keep moving forward, it will happen. As you said, can't hold still.

Anonymous said...

have box will travel.....


Anonymous said...

I think I am pretty happy with where I am at, but that doesn't mean that I don't have dreams for the future. I like writing and blogging and painting and finding a way to do that for a living would be my new Happily Ever After. I hope your migraine goes away soon, they are never fun. :( - G

Missed Periods said...

I can't decide if I love the concept of happily ever after or if I think it's dangerous. Of course, it's impossible to be happy every second for the rest of your life. (My hormones make sure of that.)But, maybe it's an important goal to have. I don't know. Let me go get my box of wine.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Marlene- Good point...Live for now..I'll work on that!! hugs!!

Autumn- I am glad to have you back my friend!!! You always make e smile!!

Jeff- All good points...wink

Kal- I think I am better off in the single lane.. Latin guys would throw me off track... hugs

Daft- This needs to be learned I think, still learning..I am stalled... ;}

Savage-Glub glub glub-that's mermaid talk!!

Alex- You got great stuff coming up and I am excited for you!!!!!

Sir- Laughing... :}

Georgina-Those things excite me too... And I would pay to visit your site and have your art!!

Missed-It is dangerous...Let's share a box or 3....

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