Sunday, September 12, 2010

Game Face!!!


Well....Game eyes!!
These are my don't muss with me eyes!!
You skerred?

SOMEONE said I was turning into a Crazy Cat Lady. We won't mention any names here but he was swimming around in the same tummy pool as I was at one time...

ahem, nudge, waving flamboyantly

This affected me.. Fighting the world takes a lot out of a gal ya know. Continuing the current fight when there are even loftier wars scheduled on your day planner gets pretty old as well. My biggest battles are ahead,, but alas,, my pen is ready,, to write down the screwed up way my brain processes hardship into a warped comedy script that can be hopefully enjoyed by all.

In referring to the Crazy Cat Lady comment,,, I guess I have been in a hide-out status lately. But that's only because of my secret Ops missions that I have been successfully completing. And trust me- you should be very grateful to me for saving the world in the way that I have been lately!

The egregious use of blue eyeshadow anywhere above the lash line- yep- working on that.

Sweatpants with words like "Baby Phat" on the ass,, writing a law against them.

Spidery mascara and make-up that makes you look like "Edward Cullen".. forming a coalition against it!!

No seriously.........

YOU WILL THANK ME
(unless you are a Jersey Shore gal..)

It's been easier for me to stay indoors and shut out the world. I don't feel like me, I don't have my "wee bit" of DivaXtrodinary confidence I once had, in me anymore, I need to get that back and stop punishing myself like this.

Point taken.

I am OK with being the "Crazy" lady that everyone wants to be around, but not "The Crazy Cat-Lady" that everyone avoids as she sits in the dark knitting "paw cozies" out of lint balls. Besides, I have never owned a cat because I think they are banning together with a plan to take over the world.

Evil Cat Pictures, Images and Photos
Fetch me some milk my Minion!

You are fooling yourself if you think they really love you and will take you "with them" on the conquest. They are all trained in psychology and are talking about you behind your back.. Purrrrrrr my ass!! Plotting is more like it!!

Today I journeyed out for a bit. Where did I go? Oh, well, do you really want to know? I went to Walmart. I needed things like "spam lite", Green Olives, diet water and molding wax to get my feisty rocker chic hair spikes back.

As I leafed through a Glamour magazine for new Fall make-up ideas,, I saw these:



And mama does love a fierce long boot but her legs are only 12 inches long so these will never work unless they start executing the "leg transplant" surgery I have been suggesting in my "Long Boot Lovers That Can't Wear Long Boots" therapy class.

But I decided to go to a cheap shoe store anyway, and I don't even really need shoes!!

Viva-La-Adventure!!!

And I saw these:


Oooooh Sparkles!!


...and grommety things!!!


And after the lengthy photo shoot I had (for your interactive blog post reading benefit), I said:

"Well,, aren't you a fabulous reminder of the Sparkleiscious life that I used to live?!"

.....and:

"I could just wrap you around me and love you like the devil on a cold winters night!"

.....and I started to sing:

"Blinded by the light, revved up like a douche ...(I mean deuce), another runner in the night.. Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night.. Madman drummers bummers, Indians in the summer with a teenage diplomat.. In the dumps with the mumps as the adolescent pumps his way into his hat.. With a boulder on my shoulder, feelin' kinda older, I tripped the merry-go-round.. With this very unpleasin', sneezin' and wheezin, the calliope crashed to the ground..... (Sniffle) The calliope crashed to the ground..... (Sobbing) But she was... Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce, runner in the night......

.....(in my best falsetto voice) ...

BLINDED........BLINDED....

(bow, bow, no really, shrugging off the standing ovation (as there were no chairs readily available) bow, curtsy, blowing kisses)

As the customers audience started to video me with their cell phones and I continued to dance with my Sparkleiscious shoes,, the manager could only stare in shock admire me a few moments before he came over and snatched my "musical muse of inspiration" shoes out of my delicate jazz hands. Yes, I agree!! HOW RUDE!!!

But,,, I now know that after my surgery and recovery time, I will purchase those shoes and go to the town square gazebo and dance fiercly in my "musical muse of inspiration" shoes in front of my towns people in celebration of yet another victory.

Advance tickets go on sale October 1st.

Tomorrow I journey back to the hospital for another round of fun and I will be back with you in a few days to tell you about how I scared the surgeon with a ketchup packet and a properly executed "Scream Queen" howl!! (giggle, snort)

Now SING:

15 Seducing Deductions:

Andrew Green said...

I used to work at a classic rock radio station, and every friggin' night the boss would call in to request Blinded by the Light....
I got so very tired of that song.

Otherwise, hilarious post!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

So you prefer just 'crazy?'

Blinded by the Light - now that's an old song!

Crunk said...

Good Luck, and when you're well enough remember to let us know you're ok. We'll be waiting. X

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Must.Have.Those.Boots. !!!

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

You just keep on in all your sparklyness. Those boots, well, I'm not really sure what little gals like us could do with them: stilts? planters? a boot shaped canoe? We'll think of something fun - after you are fixed and healed, and you will be.
Love you lots,
xoRobyn

The Bipolar Diva said...

I want those boots!

Cheeseboy said...

I've always found the crazy cat lady to be awesome. There was a way hot crazy cat lady that lived up two houses down from me when I was a kid. The cats just added to her allure.

No worries. I think you are pretty darned swell. Not that that means much coming from me.

mac said...

I've found my short legs to be quite useful. They are stronger than the longer ones.

But, I don't really have a big boot thing. Work boots, on the other hand, are my thing. I get excited by the new loggers coming out in the fall ;-)

Georgina Dollface said...

I hope it all goes well at the Dr.'s because you totally deserve to have those sparkly shoes. I'm like you, I just can't wear boots, most of them go way past my knees. - G

IT said...

The length of the legs matters not... as long as they reach the floor.

Sir Thomas said...

I love your game face baby...

game on...

Slyde said...

looking at that pic of your sexy eyes makes me want to do very naughty things to you.

very naughty things...

Sadako said...

Gotta say--your eyes look very cool! Dangerous but awesome.

Anonymous said...

remember when we sung my dad's music..."Feeling like a dead duck!" giggles...all those nights listening to grim reaper...We are so bad ass! I miss you lotz and I luff you more than shoes!!

for a different kind of girl said...

Oh, those boots! My mind says yes, but my feet say no! My poor Chuck Taylor wearing wearing body will forever look on lovingly at those who can wear sexy heels!

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