Thursday, September 2, 2010

(insert Godfather theme music here)





Yesterday I would have my second encounter with the Mafia.

The following is a true story.

The first time I encountered the Mafia was in Russia, many, many years back. We were building a processing plant in Siberia. A week before we had arrived to the small town of Langapas, the town's only restaurant was burnt to the ground. The Russian Mafia was being touted as guilty in the suspicious arson. Seems the owners did not pay up and kiss enough Mob-boss rings to keep the business safe. This again was all just "suspicion" as no one would ever actually prove it was the doing of the Mob, safer to gossip about it and enforce the other small businesses to ante up payments every month.

They could not speak English and always stood stoically guarding the entrance to the apartment building we were staying in. But my encounters with a Mobster were helpful in my fantasy life (but only in fantasy, as I was married at that time), in fact, it still fuels the Seductress fire.

They all intrigued me, stoking that sense of danger, but only he, was the one on my wandering mind.

He was a tall dark shadow of a man, wearing a long black leather coat, one hand tucked in safely holding what you knew was a formidable firearm. His presence was verified by the others swarming around like ants and the silver BMW idling in front of a town where having a car was frowned upon as "excess". We were told not to look them in the eye as if they held the key to us making it out in one piece. We were not to speak, they knew why we were there and that it would help their profits, so we were safe, not threatening, exonerated from the fear they brought.

But why would I listen? I should have by all means been weary of him, but my life was droll and I was a feisty American with a little Italian bravado of my own worked in. But I wasn't stupid, I did remain ever aware of the sexy presence that greeted me as I walked home ALONE everyday.

One shot of those dark eyes and I was lost in his world.

We began an innocent flirtatious relationship. I felt less geeky when he spoke to me with Russian flair and smiled so provocatively. "N'Yet, Americaneets", was the only thing I said the first day. It was supposed to be Russian for: "No, American", my way of telling him I spoke no Russian, as if he did not already know. I brought him fresh bread and he spoke to me fluently as I gushed and ran up the million stairs to my apartment.

This would be a highlight in my life, a little "naughty" thing that put me in danger, although I never felt that with him. I looked forward to seeing him there, I should have been nervous, I giggled with him and squirmed with each visit. And then, on the last day, he gave ME bread, a hug and a sweet little kiss on the cheek that I can still feel. I never told anyone about him, until now. But I wanted to slam that Russian against the wall everyday for 3 months!!! Maybe that's why I Y vodka in my diet coke...

Yesterday's visit with the Mob was quite different.

This was an elderly Mob I found at "Little Joey's" Italian restaurant while I was scoring an antipasto salad. The two "founding" members sat at the head table alert to every activity in the joint. There was little talking in the place as I watched member after member "check in" with them before disappearing into the back. Everyone dressed in a very pristine manner with a flair for wool hats, Pompadours and embellished canes.

Was this the little known "Snowbird" Mob? What acts could they possibly have in planning?

The shroud of questions prodded at me as I bravely stayed longer than I should have to get the answers I needed. Time lapsed and bread sticks flew. A ruckus whirled from the back as the members, all departing together, fled the secrecy of the meeting room and did the "Snowbird Mobster" waddle to the door.

The mood now was jovial and the "Fuggetaboutit's!" and "How YOU doin's?" were thrown out freely.

I then glanced at a previously hidden clipboard front and uncovered the mystery behind the "Little Joey's Snowbird Mobsters".

It read:

Square-dance Council Meeting
-Minutes-
September 2010


WHAT????

Mafia/Square-dance Council....... same thing really....

Fuggetaboutit'!!

(resume Godfather theme music here)

12 Seducing Deductions:

mac said...

Weren't you scared in that restaurant? I mean one of those guys could have dosido-ed you at any moment ;-)

Jeff said...

HAHA I grew up in a town that was 99% Italian. $5.00 leather coats and $10.00 stero systems were the norm. So was the resturant that you what you saw there stayed there if you know what I mean ;-)

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Okay, two things: First, never ever fuck with, or fuck, or even think about fucking the Russian mob. They may be appealing in a dark, handsome, muscular way, but if you don't "please" them adequately, they'll shoot you in the face with their pistols and walk away without even looking back.

Second, that's a pretty funny ending to what i thought was going to be an ominous story. Stereotyping is always dangerous. Take my stereotyping of the Russian mob, for example. I didn't mean that. I actually like Russian mobsters a lot, and hope I never get shot in the face by one because I like them so much.

Powdered Toast Man said...

I hear Chazz Paliminteri loves a hoe-down.

Slyde said...

oh, when you finally meet my family, we're gonna have a good laugh over this post...

The Invisible Seductress said...

Mac- I was a little scared....wink...

Jeff- I know nothing...nothing I say!!

Mike- I am glad I didn't have this info before I met him...eeeeep... I probably still would have flirted,, you know being all droll-lifed and starving for action!!! ;}

PTM- I'd like to see that!!!

Slyde- Sounds fun!!! ;}

Georgina Dollface said...

Yikes! You sure do get yourself into some dicey situations! - G

The Wolf said...

Russian mob and mafia square dances, my my do you live a life of danger. I know we have differnt mobs up here but it's mostly either bikers or the asian gangs like the triads or yakuza and those are groups you don't even want to go near.

Dutch donut girl said...

Make me an offer I can't refuse :)

I have always loved "The Godfather" theme song.

Have a nice weekend.

Blasé said...

Vodka, Diet Coke, and Green Olives, perhaps?...

My GOODNESS!

Marnie said...

I wasn't expecting that ending. Now they sound like they would be great at square dancing ;0)

Kal said...

MY mother translates for the Russsian mob amd the girls who wok in their kitchen so I have acesss to their sweet slavak asses so know who I prefer. So know who I prefer you fine robin bird. Thats all I can say. Meow.

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