Friday, September 3, 2010

Don't it make my brown eyes blue!!

**Special announcement: Remember that chain letter that you didn't forward to 12 people and an ostrich and because of that you are doomed to having giant pigeons poop in your eye? Well if you go HERE

Because I am being interviewed for SUPAHSTAH SATURDAY.....All of that will disappear!!! But if you don't........

You won't know when.... You won't know how.... But:


Pigeon Poop right in the EYE!!!!!

Now back to todays post...already in progress...

Lately I have been crying a lot about everything it seems.

The following items have made me cry lately:

*McDonald's commercials- (huh?)- Well,, OK,, 2 of my kids have graduated from "Happy Meals" to "Mighty Kid's Meals" dammit!!!!

*Hannah Montana- Because Hannah wants to just be "MILEY" and not HANNAH anymore!!!!

*That pretty weed flower in the yard - It died!!!!

*The Trix rabbit- Because we ALL know,,, he will NEVER get that bowl of fruity cereal that he NEEDS as a part of his wholesome daily nutritional breakfast (if you add an orange and a piece of toast) he's gonna get scurvy or Squaids!!!! And I'm tired of pussy-footin' around the truth with him!!!!

*SPORKS- My SPORK broke and I had to publicly denounce my love for them!!!!

*Icy Hot- It freaking got on my lady parts and I still feel the sting!!!!

....and then......

I was for some strange reason watching the cheer leading movie "Bring It On"..

Sniffle,, snort,, sniffle...

Don't laugh..

I got emotional when they won the competition..

I am still sobbing a little misty..

It's just that the underdogs never really win in life and it was nice to see them come out from behind the shadows and win,,,

,,,you know 'cause it WAS broughtent and all.. and... It ...It ... It...

It makes me wanna scream the following statement at life:

LIFE....... I BROUGHT IT!!! (did you even SEE my sparkles???)

.....and all I got is this lousy T-shirt that says "DORK"!!??

(insert ugly cry)

I could wonder why this is happening, but I have always been sensitive to things. I think maybe the fact that I am turning 40 soon is causing it though. I guess I would be alright with turning 40 if things in my life were better.

The following are two examples of how my life could be better:

If Brendan Frasier would drop the stalking case against me "that" girl,,,, like really Brendan,, is me "someone" staring in your windows SOOOOO scary you have to call the big bad police on "her" and then chase "her" down the boulevard while "she" is wearing a caveman costume ONLY as loving tribute to YOUR movie Encino man (which was released in Europe as California Man and is a 1992 comedy film directed by Les Mayfield and starring (you) Brendan Fraser, Sean Astin and Pauly Shore. The plot revolves around two geeky teenagers from Encino, Los Angeles, California played by Astin and Shore, who discover a caveman in their backyard frozen in a block of ice. The caveman, played by (you) my lovely Brendan Fraser, has to learn to live in the new 20th century. Along the way, (you) teach them one or two things about life (swooooon). It was followed by a TV movie sequel, Encino Woman (which YOU were not in and it sucked because of that.....) filmed in 1996...'s not like "she" is crazy/obsessed with you and knows all the details of your life or something.. (Brendan James Fraser, born December 3, 1968, is a Canadian-American actor of stage and screen. He has starred in many major Hollywood films, including The Mummy film series, Crash, Dudley Do-Right, Looney Tunes: Back in Action, George of the Jungle, (white shirt with horse,,, droooooool) as well as, Journey to the Center of the Earth and Encino Man (see above).

Born in Indianapolis, Indiana, the son of Canadian parents Carol, a sales counselor, and Peter Fraser, a former journalist who worked as a Canadian foreign service officer for the Government Office of Tourism.)
,,, but whatever dude..

I mean a REALLY,, you NEED a restraining order,,, come on,,, I'm "she's"only 4'11" for cripes sake!!



Or maybe if Victoria Beckham would just concede that David loves me just a little a lot more than her and her face is actually stuck that way even without Botox (reality, duh),,, life would just be easier,, but it's not.

Love the new TAT don't you?

And it's not just about a man, although that would be a freakin' fantastic nice addition, it's every damn thing.....

I have so many hopes and dreams that seem to be too outlandish to become reality at this stage in the game. There really is boatloads of imaginative real estate in my brain that I should be profiting off of. Instead,,, all of this imagination swirls around me at night singing show tunes in grand Broadway performance fashion, complete with little white gloved jazz hands.

That's not weird right?

(Seductress is rocking back and forth in her chair,, again crying..)

That's it.. I need a list of reasons why it's cool to be 40..

Please enter your reason in the comment section below........ And if you're not 40 yet, just tell me I'm sane and that it will be alright... or send Circus Peanuts... either one really.

(whispers: Circus Peanuts)

Thank you in advance for your help.

...And for not sending the psychiatric professionals.

17 Seducing Deductions:

Lee Ryan said...

I'm not 40 (quite yet); you're sane. It will be alright.

Still - 40 is a perfect age. If we were using the base-16 number system (and DUH - WHY NOT???!!?) you would only be 28, and that's a perfect number.

Anonymous said...

No one ever turns 30 or 40 or 50 for that matter...after the age of 21 when the experts say you become an adult you just add years of experience to your life resume`. So regardless of what age you think you are or the age others tell you you are you will always be sanely charming :-)

Blasé said...

I enjoyed "Bring It On"! Of course I wanted to fu*k half of the same time.

Me and the wife had a long conversation this morning about how so much of my life has been unfortunate and has scarred me for life. I try to focus on the many things I have to be thankful for...and there are many, regardless.

Don't cry, Ms J. You've got my email

Anonymous said...

your imagination swirls around me at night but for the life of me I do not hear show tunes in grand being played... more like screaming of my name...


is there some wrong with me? Sometimes think so... 40 what... whats that?

Marlene said...

I'm over 40...and then sound pretty sane to me. It only gets better. Bwaahaahahaahaaa.

mac said...

Yes, I was 40 for what seemed like a year.
I figure when we're in our 90s, we'll sit back and laugh at our childish 40 year old selves.

Then, we'll cuss the great grankids because we didn't have personal hovercraft when we were growing up, we atually had to WALK to our cars !

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I'm in the 40's and could use your friendship in the club. What better reason is there, fabulous woman? Loved your interview.
Love you!

Crunk said...

The whole 40 thing you don't need to worry about. You're still sexy. But I'm sorry, there's no way you're sane! And that's why we all love you

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I'm in pain just thinking about the icy hot...

Tree said...

Girl...I'm late 40's and am an emotional wreck most of the time these days....just had my girly parts yanked out last month! LMAO But, on a good note...I've lost about 30lbs since all of this started...and I'm still HOT at almost 47! Hah ha (at least the hubby thinks so LOL)

You are a definite SUPAHSTAH in my book...thanks for doing the interview, sweets!! You're awesome!

OOOOO...and forgot to add that Brendan is HOTNESS at it's best! WOOO WOOO!!

IT said...

Oh, darn! I wish I was gonna turn 40.
Ain't gonna happen 'cause it's too late.

Kal said...

Ah - fourty is overrated especially when you want to dial a cute girl when she doesn't send up her number, so she makes me feel like loser which is probably why i feel one right now. Oh well. I have enough of a life to fill my time.

JJ said...

Invisible SUPAHSTAH, yeah for you! No time for advice on being 40,,,menopause is chasing me!!

Ca88andra said...

You will be cool no matter what age you are! And, by the way, 50 isn't too bad - so just remember 40 is fabulous!!! BTW - I cry at everything! To the point where I have to hide it from my boys, who look at me suspiciously everytime something even slightly emotional is on TV...

Powdered Toast Man said...

I wouldn't of guessed that you were almost 40. You are sane in a circus peanutty kind of way.

I feel the same way that I have ideas and creativity that is just going nowhere.

Anonymous said...

icy hot is the best, and i think you know what i mean...

Jim said...

Pffffttt . . . 40. 40 is like the new 30, so man up and get over it. Now, when you're staring the big half-century mark in the face, like me, we can talk . . . gray hair, flatulence, women not checking you out any more (and not just because of the gray hair and flatulence), doctors making you drink some nasty stuff so they can play around in your colon . . . it's not for wimps.

Besides, you still look awesome naked.


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