Thursday, September 16, 2010

The problem with me.....

Fail Bird Pictures, Images and Photos

So how's the diet going... very well I say....VERY WELL!!

I have been eating plenty of brightly colored Vegetables and Proteins along with some Fruits.

So basically:

Brightly colored veggies

Boston Baked Beans Pictures, Images and Photos
Beans for protein

AND

Arbor Mist Pictures, Images and Photos
Fresh fruit


I kid, I kid!!!!

I really I have had this on tap:

slim fast Pictures, Images and Photos

Aw, dang, REALLY,,, well THAT was RUDE!!!

actually

I GLISTEN and ADD SWEET AROMATIC AMBIANCE

and I don't run,, unless there's a bug or a swarmy man
or
FREE MASCARA

But seriously, it has been going well, every time I mention something that actually has taste in it like the Fig Newtons I love, my loving daughter says:

"If you eat THAT you will NOT get the surgery and start to "LIVE" again, do you WANT to DIE for a cookie?"

(slight pause for the clarification of who is the wise parental one)

(Jeopardy music)

(once confirmation is reached)

I say:

"......Uh,,,,, no,,,, but it's NOT a cookie,,, it's FRUIT and CAKE,,, says it right 'chahere on the package!!"

.... And we laugh and laugh....

Yesterday I took the girls to McDonalds and got them each a $1.99 Happy Meal, but I was mad at them so I told the order taker to take the HOPE out (insert laugh here)!!

See,, this is the problem with me, I tell a lot of jokes that nobody "gets", my kids "got it" though because we had just seen the commercial with the kids looking for the "invisible" HOPE in each Happy Meal box.

.... And we laughed and laughed...

And I also ordered a large Diet Coke..

And when she handed it to me she said: "Here's your diet!!"

I looked at the cup and then looked at her and said: "God I wish it was that easy!"

...... and I laughed and laughed

..... and they stared and stared until I clarified:

"A DIET in a cup...GET IT... You said "here's your DIET!! I drink it down and I'm done!! Here's your DIET!!"

(this is where I take the time to mimic handing the cup back to her..... And wait patiently for the payoff of my punch line....

....And I laugh and laugh.....

(awkward silence)

See,, that's the problem with me.

16 Seducing Deductions:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

They just didn't get you!
And I like the food items pictured in your first 'diet' better.

D. Scandal said...

I saw the title and had to read because I thought, "Problem with the seductress? There's no problem with the seductress! Except that perhaps too many people LOVE her!"

Haha, I wish the diets were that easy too, girl. Good luck with it!

MJenks said...

Oh, I thought you were going with some kind of Pandora's Box reference there. I see, I see.

Jim said...

I do that stuff with my kids all the time, too, but usually get the "oh God, he really IS retarded" look.

Which is fine . . . you want them to remember you, don't you? :-)

XO

Mike said...

You have a great sense of humor, but it's not Humor for Dummies.

Andrew Green said...

I once lost 45 pounds by eating nothing but Wendy's chili for about four straight months....
It wasn't as bad as it might sound.

csmith2884 said...

Wit and fast-food..always a scary thing. Remember these are the folks that have pictures of the burgers and fries on the cash register keys.

Blasé said...

Eat it like you Mean it!

Crunk said...

I'm the King of jokes that people don't get. I could be telling a joke at a party that has taken along time to set up, I hit with the punchline and all I get are awkward stares ,which quickly turns to hate as people realise I've just wasted three minutes of their life. I take comfort knowing others like me are out there.

I think we get you, that's why we come back.

Crunk said...

My OCD is nagging me. I know it's "a long time" and not "along time" Damn spacebar!!!

Why couldn't I just leave it?! I couldn't not say anything! Why is that?!?!?

Sir Thomas said...

to many people do love you.... I just do not get enough time with you

mac said...

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you say something funny?








....gotcha ;-)

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Ive found that Diet Coke is a little easier to swallow (unintentional pun) if you put a little lemon.. NOT lime.. in it.

Kal said...

Congrats on the diet. Never feel bad about teaching your girls snark and humor. It will serve them in their lives more than you can know. And I get your jokes and they are funny. It would be fun to fake argue with you in front of checkout girls. I rarely find a girl that can do that with any skill.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

The problem isn't you, sister. The problem is anyone who does not find your jokes amusing. They are stupid, and they are probably related to that mean idiot who kept waking you up to at 8am. Your daughter poses a real quandary, though: life vs a cookie..? Fig newtons are tasty. No, no, stay strong!! xoxo
Big hugs,
xoRobyn

Ken said...

Haha, glad you're getting your fruits and veggies food group!

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