SPANX's, CHEESECAKE and KOOL-AID!!

Today I have already broken down in tears. The weight of my problems and the severity of situations with which I have no control over too great. My humor still tried to break through, but was lame at best.

Yesterday the back toilet clogged up thanks to a Papa Smurf landing. Try as I did, exhausting every option, I was not able to unclog it. I thought "well OK then, I guess the front toilet will take the extra usage penalty". This morning with yet ANOTHER Papa Smurf landing, the front pot is clogged. I plunged for an hour. I thought I had it fixed. I hadn't, the proof is on the floor.

Your hero was sitting on the edge of the tub yielding the plunger AGAIN, hands callused, water still overflowing. I put my head down on the tip of the plunger and sat sobbing, tears adding to the overflow.

Things have been muddled here. Ongoing financial struggles and serious medical issues dealt with alone. I could elaborate for you but I would like to keep you all as readers. The kids were screaming and fighting and the house is a mess. Where is my control now and how come when I scream for Calgon NOTHING happens? I sat there, plunger steadying me thinking, Cinderella cried on a bench and a Fairy Godmother appeared!!! She cushioned her head with her lap, sang cool Bibbity, Boppity songs and gave her the cloth of her skirt to cry into. Certainly crying on a plunger head deserved SOME kind of Disney intervention!!

Thursday I went to the doctor. I have had 9 (I may have lost count) surgical procedures to correct a situation to no avail. My tests are coming back bad and the time has come to take aggressive action. I have been scheduled for surgery on Wednesday. My joking nature was thwarted in the office by the medical staff. As I joked of my sexiness and the spanxs I wore that day (no one was a SUPPOSED to ask me to pull down my pants WHAT THE HALIBUT!!!), they stood strong, making sure that I knew the gravity of my situation and the immense risks involved with this surgery. "Your home should be in order"..... I fully understood yet did not feel the need to break down and pity myself in front of them (plus, the surgeon is hot and medical students turn me on so the drool got in the way,, slurp). I can dwell at night with no witnesses.

Today as I plunged I had the inevitable bad thoughts. Maybe it would be easier if I did slip through the medical cracks. Would my kids be more financially stable? I certainly wouldn't feel so alone and questioned in my thoughts. Should I visit with Walter in the Flip Flop aisle (they are even on clearance now!!!). I should eat a whole cheesecake covered in Circus Peanuts, thighs be damned! (OK so that last one wasn't soooo bad, I guess).

I wanted to spend this last weekend (with an 8 to 12 week recoup looming) spoiling my kids with love and quality time but I feel so overwhelmed with fear I've yelled at them instead.

The sun is shining through the blinds and is calling me to suck up these tears and press on to the park. We'll have a poorman's picnic (stale bread with a slather of peanut butter and purple mustache Kool-aid). I will buy POP-ROCKS. We'll laugh at our own quirks. I'll treasure them and their phenomenal skills of aggravation and make Kool-aid come out of their little noses. I will also accept my responsibility as "ZAPPED" (the marker did not wash off!!).

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ I'M A GOOBER!!!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'll accept any good thoughts and prayers you may have to offer me until I return. Monday is "extreme test" day for me (mental note, no SPANXS!!). I will be busy readying for an extended hospital stay.

I hope to slip in here before Wednesday and bring you some humor instead of this droll offering.

Have your Kool-aid ready!!!!!!!