Tuesday, October 12, 2010

My stint on Extreme Home Makeover... or not...

I have lost a lot of readers, it bothers me a little although, I understand. My posts have been very sporadic and tempered lately. I know it's hard to read negative stuff all the time and even harder when you want to help and can't. So I have not been posting as normal because of that. I hate Debbie Downers and I certainly don't want to be one, but when my reality screams, it's hard to walk away from that. Sometimes just the simple act of writing my posts helps me, giving me a sense of release, so forgive me if I lull on sometimes. I wanted to share this post because it meant a lot to me.

Children should not worry. Well, not about big life stuff anyways. My dad always tried to shelter us from the things that were really going on "behind the scenes". My childhood had a lot of extra stresses. I think some kids are more resilient and don't really ever notice things are changing around them or, they act like they don't to internalize it. Then there are the ones who start "holding" the worry for the family to themselves, I did this, growing up before my time. You tend to feel everyone else always matters more than you do and you must do anything you can to help every situation get better. If you can't, you feel you have failed. I have failed a lot lately.

I want my childhood back. I don't want my kids to feel their childhood was lost because of the crappy things happening right now. "Normalcy" in and of itself is what I want. We will overcome all of this, and the new road will be fresh and exciting.

I have tried to hold back as much as I can from my kids, but to be a responsible well balanced person, sometimes you must see the struggle and help fight it to understand it fully. I want my kids to have all of what they need and some of what they want, but they must understand that there is a price for everything and even the smallest things of things are not to be taken for granted. If nothing else I hope my struggle teaches that lesson.

The other day I received notice of the foreclosure sale date on my house (Nov 17). I began to walk away as I opened the confirmation of what seems to be inevitable at this point. I also received notification that my license would be revoked if I did not pay child support. What is to be done when both parents are struggling? Both needing help with food for the children. Should we cancel the help? He says he can't afford to do that. I have to trust that he can't and would not want him to jeopardize their needs. He filed and the State of Florida wants me to pay them back even though I am still searching for a job, need another surgery and have another child at home. It is my responsibility to take care of them and right now I feel so low because I can't. I fail. There is no income coming into the house. I apply for jobs and pray and apply and pray and take care of my kids the best I can.

I walked to my room and broke down that day, DramaGirl knew. She tried to come to my rescue with hugs and matching tears. I didn't want her to see me like that so I immediately went in "joke" mode. She knows what is going on but also knows that she will never be without a place to stay or the things she needs, me and her dad will make sure of that, but that is not good enough for her, she wants more.

We have had this talk many times before, she daydreams and thinks that Extreme Home Makeover should save the house for me. Sweet, simplistic innocence is a wonderful thing! My oldest states: "well if they fix it up, mom would still lose it". She is right at this point. But I also take the time, each time, to tell them to listen to the "back story" of the show. It is about people beating the odds and finding extraordinary ways to help their community even while in peril. It's about people overcoming life shattering disease and odds. Adopting and raising the kids that society throws away. Or battling a disease or mental limitations in their own family. It's about Moms and Dads who fight for our freedom and secure our safety without concern for their own. It is about sacrifice, a show acknowledging the unsung heroes. I tell them that I am not that. I want to be, but I am not, we can all learn and model ourselves around the dedication of people like these, they deserve good fortune, we all do, but let them get theirs first!! I have said this many times to them, they understand.

That night when she was supposed to be sleeping, she came out of her room to read me a short letter written in blue crayon to Ty Pennington of Extreme Home Makeover.

I am a hero to at least one person in this world it seems, DramaGirl. That is all it takes to make me smile today, being a hero to your kids is a great accomplishment. You can tell she loves me and has watched me try and do better, the letter makes me cry,,, she consoles me,,, again. This is not in her job description as a kid, she should be breaking things and making messes (she is very good at that too!). She is also the kid that every time I go/went in the hospital, forced her classmates to sign get well cards for me. She is a sweet sweet girl.

I will type the letter exactly as she wrote it, misspells and all:

Dear Tye,

Please help my familly so my mom wont have to live on the streets. my mom is getting yet another surgery and she has no money. shes always helping people and serenading laugter. she fed the homeless and helped a little girl. please help us : ( before the house gets for closed.

Y DramaGirl

To our children, sometimes the simplest things we do, seem (in their words) "epic". They pick up on even the most basic of humanitarian things we do that we may shrug off as nothing. We are teaching them through our actions. If you do the best you can and give all of what you have to offer, they will see in you, what they want to be, even if you don't see it. I don't see it now, but DramaGirl does!!!

I am a hero..... because..... I serenade laughter..... I think that f'n rocks!!!! What a beautiful sentence that is.

There are many heroes here at blogger that bring me smiles everyday!! I thank you all for that!! And for sticking with me!!!

I will sing to you tomorrow with verses of laughter...

19 Seducing Deductions:

Kal said...

Please don't let us readers affect what you post or don't post. I freak out over comments (or the lack of them) all the time but I have to believe in what I do and so should you. We are with you in the bad times so we can be with you in the good.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Kal- xoxo

diane rene said...

That is the most awesome description I have ever heard.

sometimes we can't get it right. we try and try and we just can't do the things that need to be done. in the part of parenting and being a good mom to drama girl?? you pass with flying colors. she can see what is really important in life.

I wish it were ALL that mattered. that we could all get by on our best intentions and the goodness within our hearts ... while it isn't everything, it IS important. I have to believe that something good will come of this, and I hope it's soon!

Katherine ( Katie) Corrigan said...

Sending hugs and lots of encouragement!

Marlene said...

I am here. I know I just recently found you...but I love to read you. :) Blogs that are full of raw emotion and honesty (along with some laughter) are my faves. Hope things turn around for you....you are absolutely right....sometimes you can't shelter them from the ugly truth....and it does build character to have to fight the fight on occasion. Kudos to you. You sound like a wonderful mom.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

You once again bring tears to my eyes, sis - in the warmest of ways. "Serenading laughter" was my favorite part of that letter too.
You are a hero! Just choose to believe it, because it is true!
Hugs and prayers, always,
PS A bright sparkly friend of mine once told me to consider loss of followers nothing personal, just a blog thing. I thought I'd pass on her good advice. Wink.

mac said...

Silly girl.

We love you because you write what you feel.
Funny is just a great side effect :-)

I am here if you ever need anything !

The Wolf said...

I know I havn't been around to read all you're posts I've been dealing with my own stuff. But just becuase a few people don't read you're blog now and then don't let it get you down. I've found the blogging world is kinda odd anyway, some days I get tonnes of readers some I don't.

IT said...

I haven't commented... even though I read all your stuff... because I figured out that you just need to put it out there.

Missed Periods said...

I love all your posts, happy and sad. One of your recent posts really inspired me. Just keep writing you.

Ca88andra said...

You do serenade laughter - what an awesome line! You're in my thoughts always.

Anonymous said...

We have all been sporadic in posting so for the lost readers: *sticking tongue out*

The letter to Ty is heartbreaking...

Heff said...

It ALSO makes it difficult when the text in the post is a country-mile long, and rambles from topic to topic.

Not tryin' to be negative here, but to HELP.

Keep it short, sweet, and covering only a general topic per post, and I'm sure more people will start coming by and commenting.



Kraxpelax said...

The Moon
on a cat


As a native Swede, I am particularly proud of my love poetry suite Sonnets for Katie.

My Poems

My wallpaper art Babes!

Sexuality introduces Death to Being; and indeed Life simultaneously. This is the profound Myth of the Eden. The work of the Serpent. Bringing us out of "blessed" Standstill. So, in contrast to the mindless pietism of vulgar Christianity, my personal "Christo-Satanism" should be given serious thought by the Enlightened Few, the Pneumatics, the 1% Outlaws. The Light Bringer must be rehabilitated, beacause if not, the All of it simply doesn't make sense: true Catholicism is necessarily Meta Catholicism.

My philosophy

My poetry in French:


My poetry in German:

Fremde Gedichte

Casualidad sopla la sangre
de alguno señor desconocido
durante los pocos restantes
momentos del resplandor de faroles

que se vislumbran tras el follaje
flameando de las obsesiónes
igual efimero como gotas
del cinzano de la soledad –

En aquel tiempo me levanta
dentro uno incidente avejentado
que en seguida palidece
al camouflaje de abstraccion;

chica, nadie conoce que tus grisos
ojos significan aún; con todo
el sueño que hube evacuado
tu escudriñas nuevamente.

My Poetry in Spanish

My music blog, with a focus on obscure classical music no one else talks about:


And: reciprocity: for mutual benefit, you will do me a favor promoting your own blog on mine!


- Peter Ingestad, Sweden

Powdered Toast Man said...

that is an awesome line. It's something that you would of thought of. I like these posts just as much as your silly, outrageous ones. Not to say that I like your situation but the fact that you wear your heart on your sleeve.

I too have noticed a few followers unfollowing. Idc because they probably weren't reading anyways. I care about bloggers like you. You make the difference. I will always read what you have to say until I get bored of blogger all together.

Jinksy said...

I wish I was near enough to help - I could at least have offered you a roof over your head. Perhaps another Blogger who lives closer to you, will be able to provide shelter? Truth is stranger than fiction...

Anonymous said...

I wish I could be your bob vila... this digs at my heart... I will follow you anywhere you choose to go..

I will always hold your hand when you need it...

JJ said...

Hi IS: I found your site through Bruce Coltin's blog, and I love it! I would like to follow along, and I invite you to follow my blog as well. Thanks.

The Disconnected Writer

The Invisible Seductress said...

Diane-Thank you!! Your comment made me smile,, I needed that!!

Katie- Sending some hugs back to you as well!!

Marlene- I think they get it,,but I wish I didn't have to make them :( .. I see us happy though, we are always smiling!!

RRG- NO TEARS FOR YOU!!!!!! hugs and more hugs!!

Mac- You rock!!!

Wolf- I agree- it just seemed to happen when I was lowest.. But I love my followers like you who really care,, that is what this is about!!

IT- exactly-therapudic writing- but I'd rather make ya'll laugh so hard you fart!!

Missed- That makes me feel awesome!! I hope to do that a lot!! ;}

Ca88andra- Yes I do believe she got a few "get out of jail" cards free for that letter!!

Snafu- Sending raspberries to them with you!!!

Heff- I am a wordy gal... sigh.. but I'll try to tone it down a few adverbs!! ;}

Kraxpelix- HUH?????????

PTM- You are right-it's about the ones that really care!! I love that part!!

Jinsky- We would have fun ;} :}

Sir-smiling---- xoxo

JJ-will check ya out!! Welcome to the insanity!!! ;}

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