Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The first thing I have ever asked of you..... besides eating jello with a straw..

If you were around me, I wonder if I would seem different. I don't laugh 24 hours a day (it's only about 23 1/2- I reserve 30 minutes to watch Little House on the Prairie, and I never laugh through that). I don't tell bad jokes all day (75% are good to mediocre with potential). I don't dance my way around grocery stores (I go to Walmart Super-center and dance there, I fit in better). I am not always singing and dancing whilst driving in my car (occasionally a Ke$ha song comes on and I cock my head and look at the radio confused for a few moments before changing the station and resuming the Broadway show performance).

But one thing is true. I always want to be better. I always over analyze why I am depressed. Financially I feel like a bottom feeder and I feel alone. You pretty, pretty fish keep crapping on me while I am sucking the fungus off the gravel to survive. I never thought I'd be here-but here I am!

As a credit counselor for 21 years I learned how to keep and pull people out of financial rubble. I felt so accomplished when I gave a family a "Game Plan" to increase their credit score and they succeeded and were able to fulfill some of their dreams. But here I am with medical collections and a house in foreclosure with no place to go. Banks won't hire a Loan Officer with bad credit, even though I feel it will make me a better one!! I honestly don't know what I am going to do. I am looking for every option. That's a lot of pressure. But I realized one thing I changed in my daily life that I shouldn't have.

I always was a person that helped. I have never been rich, but I always gave to charities and causes by volunteering, organizing fund raisers etc. Even in credit counseling I felt I was giving. My dad taught me to always look outside of yourself. No matter what was going on, no matter how late we were or how angry it made me (as a punk teenager) he would never pass by the homeless without turning around and getting a bag of burgers and cold cokes. As I questioned why, and prodded him about how would he knew that they are not drug dealers or alcoholics or taking advantage of people, he would smile and say:

"But what if they're not?"

and continue with:

"Tonight I will go to sleep knowing I helped somebody that may not have needed it, but KNOWING I did not pass by someone who really did".

Finances are like a beautifully tiered apple display. We can always take from the top of the apple pile when little things happen (tire blow out, something breaks, etc) and we need some extra funds, but when something more severe happens (lapse in job, unpaid sick days, etc) you can only take from the middle so many times. If you take from that bottom tier (total loss of income, illness, death, tragedy, etc), those apples will all tumble down to the produce floor, and you are left trying to stack them up again.

Don't take that for granted.

A lot of people have strong support lines and are still OK, the ones who don't, crumble, and sometimes we judge them.

I have felt I am at the very bottom, and have stopped giving because I thought I could not afford it, that very spark I got FOR helping got blown out and replaced with the worry for only my situation.

But then I remembered:

There is ALWAYS someone worse off than me!

I can not afford NOT to give.

To someone who is drowning, one bubble of air is a lifesaver. If I have a few bubbles to spare, I have an obligation to do that. The person worse off than me is STILL better off than someone else too, they, in turn should give what little they have. And it goes on and on. We have forgotten that the size of the gift does not matter in the least. Who is to say that Oprah is a better person because she has more to give? If I give what I can, than I am just as much of a hero, even though I am not in the spotlight.

This will be my ultimate "Sparkly Social Pyramid Experiment". Compassion and support given from the top, trickling down to the bottom, benefiting everyone. We should go on in life knowing that no matter how "down and out" we feel we are, someone below is looking at what we have and classifying it as a blessing. I will look down from now on to make sure someone is catching some of my blessings and praying they are doing the same for those below them.

Today I stopped by McDonalds, and with the last 5$ in change bought plain burgers and went to the underside of a bridge where I see the same 5 people huddled every day.

They become part of our landscape, would you notice if they were gone?

I handed a gentleman the bag with a smile. He thanked me and complimented my sparkles (that made me laugh). I asked If I could sit for a few moments (the kids were at school). They welcomed me in and we talked about the weather. I never asked how they got there, they never asked why I had come. I thought that was curious. It was just small talk and me taking the time to look into the eyes of people I normally would avoid, because by avoiding eye contact, I could feel better about NOT helping. I took time to pet their dog and nervously gathered my self to ask one question.

"What, if anything, has been positive about being on the streets?"

Some "Nothings" rose up before the oldest looking man, wearing plaid and stripes said:

"I understand people more now, some are shells of what they portray, some are invisible, but most are just trying to see tomorrow like me."

WOW! So simple, but WOW!

And then I left.

If I do nothing else positive in life, I wish this message would get out. Please help me do that by posting in my words (or yours) a little blurb about this "Sparkly Social Pyramid Experiment"(or whatever you want to name it). Ask you readers to repost it as well, if it gets posted and reposted, who knows how far it would go!!

It is day one for me... I already feel better!! Is that selfish???

Comedy and hilarity returns here soon....stay tuned...

17 Seducing Deductions:

Anonymous said...

I think that is wonderful. You are right, we don't always see people, even when they are right in front of us.

diane rene said...

not selfish at all - and I am passing this along. have a beautiful day with sparkles and glitter :)

Anonymous said...

I could make you laugh 23 1/2 hours and then send you hugs the other 30 min :-)

Do you know why I volunteer at a place that serves meals to the working poor, unemployed, and homeless...cause I want to look into their eyes and see that even in dispair those people live life to the best of their ability and that laugh and smile. While you can't gloss over their financial can realize that the common things in life...laughter, smiling, being serious are shared by all :-)

Your experiment deserves lots of HUGS !!!

Anonymous said...

Seductress you know this really pissed me off right? You being so damn wonderful... how in the world can you be this damn wonderful? Don’t you ever tire of being like this perfect person in heart? Is there not enough good in the world to go around that you have to do it all, be it all... all the time?

OK here comes the pissed off part... I'm so damn pissed that you have had to go through the shit that you have had to go through. Where the hell is your good stuff and that was a statement, I mean I wasn’t asking you... but still I want to know. I mean somebody has to Responsibility for this shit right? I know it is not your fault... *gulps* you are right there are so many people that eat dirt how could we not care... but still some do, but not you, no not you... You are a damned Angel and why I don’t know… but what I do know is that this makes me pissed off enough to want to find this person and stomp the living shit out them..

An Angel and I know my life is better just because I know you

The Invisible Seductress said...

D- ;}

Diane- Thank you!!!

Jeff- I know you could ;} There is life in everyone through every struggle, the simple things that are free, are worth the most.

Sir- I wish I was and angel- But I'm not-not even close- Today, I was humbled-again- I will always be humbled. I want my happiness back. That's all. I will give it freely and get it back in return. And I made new friends!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Despite all you're going through - you still possess an awesome attitude. And that's something!

Marlene said...

What a wonderful, uplifting post!!!

P.S. For what it's worth, I think you'd make a better loan officer having been what you've been though, too! Experience is the best teacher, I always say. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope things work out well for you. Hugs.

Andrew Green said...

Some very good points....
And you are absolutely right.

mac said...

My Uncle used to tell me, "A man is never as tall as when he bends to help another"

You, Dear Seductress, are a giant :-)

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

How do you keep your heart so open through it all? You are truly unique. (I'd say "special," but that has other connotations.) Thanks for this wonderful message, definitely worthy of passing on and on..
Lots of love to you, Sparkly Olive-loving Wonder!

Heff said...

Very nice. Things will look up for you, eventually.

And look on the bright side : A "bottom feeder" STILL FEEDS.

Missed Periods said...

You are an inspiration. Thank you.

Powdered Toast Man said...

so profound. You are not selfish. You are a good and decent person who loves sparkles too much. Maybe you would have more money if you weren't spending it all on sparkles.

A Sideways Girl said...

Great message. Thank you for reminding us to take notice of others and take action when we can... even if sometimes that just means smiling and saying hello.

Clyde said...

It is wonderful that you can give without money---you give love, compassion and time.
I stopped giving money to the homeless guys around town because the were buying booze or cigarettes or gambling--so like you, I buy food.
I stopped giving to most of the charities when I found that less than 50% of the money was getting to their causes.
I give work and time---I visit four guys at a local nursing home--they have no family and they are a little antisocial with the other residents
You are wonderful to think of others through your hard times---I hope good times come your way

Anonymous said...

One hell of a post lady

Ca88andra said...

You are a very special lady indeed!

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