My life OFFICIALLY sucks!! But this is GOOD news because when your life UN-OFFICIALLY sucks you don't get the uber-cool seal to affix to your forehead!! It's bedazzled and comes in 5 fruity "scratch and sniff" smells!!
Seeeeee! You KNOW you want one!!
But listen, (evil grin),,, I was out of toilet paper, but don't judge my lack of planning yet,, I HAD 3 rolls on Friday before my kid's got ahold of them. So Sunday night when it was ALL gone, I questioned the Bermuda Triangle's that are my children's rear ends, to no avail.
I always wondered why the packages of toilet paper gasp and whimper when my children walk past. I imagine they worry about things like life expectancy and longevity as we do. They probably have "bucket lists" of celebrity or royal rears they want to service. And sitting there on the store shelf, I witness all of the packs of my brand, jump back really quick, leaving one shivering 4 pack in my reach. And then, in an act of selfishness, the neighboring packs kick the next victim harshly,and it screams for mercy as it falls onto my cart's steely cold grate.
Well thankfully,, this predicament I was in, so late on a Sunday night, had a "strip the 2-ply paper towel" solution for a while, at least until the morning when I grumbled at the kids to hold it until school.
Right before work however, I was in need!!
(Insert dramatic music here...)
So I sent the kids to the car scoping for hoarded restaraunt napkins.
I was given a restaraunt packaged napkin and plastic utensil set!!
I opened my present, discarded the utensils in the trash and promptly resumed business. Seconds later, the depths of Hell ravaged my nether regions. I fumbled with the sink, splashing gallons of cold water on myself, and whatever else was in the way, as I danced in pain.
I pull the package out to investigate.
.......I HAD SEASONED MYSELF!!!.........
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