Tuesday, November 17, 2009

WARNING TAGS: PART DEUCE

I was talking last blog about warning tags it would be nice to see “before” the fact, to help you decide your actions. Maybe they would help stop some of the negative things that happen in our lives. But then too you should see positive tags on people, right?? I mean come on; it’s the holiday season; I need to share some positive tags to lift spirits and give you that warm comfy feeling right?? (Uh,, er,, yes,, but,, not today,, hit me up next week on Thanksgiving,, (my birthday) because ah hell, then I’ll be older and wiser!! And maybe not as much fun as I am now at this "young" age,, laughing,, yea that’ll happen, urp, snort)!!

Welcome to:

WARNING TAGS: PART DEUCE

**On your daughters teacher, at the conference, because your daughter talks too much in class (wonder where she gets that from? Hmmmmm, slinking out of parenthesis)**

Warning tag reads:

Uh, I am like 24 and I have no children. I wonder how you could be such a HORRIBLE parent that your child talks in MY class. Please just nod in agreement and reprimand her strongly. Also take a parenting class. Could we hurry this up as well? I’m only wearing this sweet flowery dress until you leave. Then I’ll “skank” it up because I’m gonna go drankin’ with my whole posse’ of non-parenting friends. I will talk about how horrendous a parent you are! I will also and laugh and snort at the way you looked sitting in that miniature desk. OMG!!!! IT WAS SOOOOOOO FUN-NAAAAY!!!!!


**On the sales lady at Victoria’s Secret**

Warning tag reads:

Oh my word, you are not smaller than an “A” cup like me. You actually have woman breasts I would pay for, ahem. I am sorry that none of the flimsy lingerie in this store would even come close to supporting those. You are a department store tit person. Please move along and let me help the 15 year old behind you. We have 12,052 beautiful bras that will fit her pre-pubescent body (WHAT THE HALIBUT!!!!!).



**On the glass of Vodka in your hand**

Warning tag reads:

Excuse me, hello??? Um, 2 more of these and the caveman across the bar will look REALLY attractive to you. His hairy knuckles and lisp will do amazing things to your libido. This will lead to a sore scalp and road rash as he drags you into his man cave. This might also trigger the desire to wear head to toe animal print. This is a look only works for Fred Flintstone. Wait, did he just BUY you ANOTHER?????? HEY!!!! You are slurping me down too qui………..



**On the EX from years and years ago that texts you every 6 months to tell you he is “sorry” and he misses you**

Warning tag reads:

I am not sorry. The revolving door of bimbo’s and ho’s are leaving me nostalgic about having a REAL woman and a REAL relationship. If you take me back this would last approximately 2 ½ months and then another bimbo will beckon me to the abyss. You can NEVER change me.



**Hanging from the entire cereal aisle**

Warning tag reads:

You are ADDICTED to cereal. What’s your flippin’ deal with it? Its sweet flavor and milky goodness are very bad for you. Even if you get the healthiest kind you will try to choke it down by adding 3 cups of sugar. You have a problem and need help. Leave this aisle immediately!!!! No!!!! Put it down, it’s not REALLY for your kids!!!! The cute cartoon character on the front will not suffer if you reject him. Go get fruit its GRRRRRRReat!!!!!



There!!!! Well I hope you enjoyed this latest installment (bowing, flipping hair, blowing kisses).

It would be so fun for a lonely gal like me if you added a few of your own (I have no life and the Ice Cream truck still drives by playing Christmas music EVERY day frightening me)!!!

The blog guy I’m blog crushin’ on (swooooon, grrrrrrrr) added “future ex-wife”(or hubby) to my other list of tags!!! That’s PERFECT!!!! That one would save a heck of a lot of trouble!!!!! SMILE---- But then, maybe it would make you miss some good times too, hmmmmm…(Seductress ponders looking to the sky, scratching her chin intuitively and then decides)…CRAP, put that tag on,,,,,,,,,,,QUICK!!!!!!

2 Seducing Deductions:

f1trey said...

....blushing......just a little....

The Invisible Seductress said...

blushing looks good on you--wink! Not tryn' to embarrass you though....

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