Trying to be Dr. Phil

Growing up I had a good friend who lived out in the country. We were always outside and always eating Pringles at her house. I remember smiling while I fed apples to one of the horses and my bare feet sunk in the sandy road. There were huge trees lined all down our path and I would look up with wind blowing through my hair in amazement of nature. Spanish moss danced in the air and the smell of hay was always prevalent. Our feet were always black. Our tongues always kissed with fresh honeysuckle.

She had a little brother named Shane. He would annoy us continuously. I actually thought he was fun to have around because he was such a livewire, but I never told her. One day as it grew dark, we sat on the porch drinking coke in the bottle with peanuts added. Her mom stuck her head out the door and beckoned "Time to come in!” Us girls knew we could hide out in a pink room and giggle all night. Shane on the other hand wanted to stay out and play. His mom grew angry and told him sternly "you come in now or you'll get a spanking!” Now the words coming out of Shane's mouth next, for some reason, struck a chord with me. To this day I can remember his dirty brown disheveled hair and even dirtier face making a decision on how to proceed in this moment. In a rough little boy voice he proclaimed: "BEAT ME MOMMY!" with total confidence.

You see Shane knew that he wanted to stay outside and play; he was willing to be in discomfort for this. He thought he was given an option and he chose accordingly. As a parent, I now know it doesn't work that way but back then I marveled at him. So happy running outside, so dedicated to retaining the moment that he would sacrifice his rear end for it.

I found my friend just recently and was told that Shane had passed in a car accident. It choked me up to think such a young man to be gone. In my head he will always be that rebel child with the determination to achieve what he wanted.

We all need to say "BEAT ME MOMMY" to the world sometimes. Taking your "hits" when faced with decisions is the right and most obvious thing to do. We are so scared to make sacrifices that we miss the point; Some things are WORTH making sacrifices for.

An extra hour or two outside on a beautiful summer day in the country is worth a spanking.

Would having many years in a good relationship be worth a few years of discomfort when it goes bad?

I had a dog for 18 years. This dog was amazing and he was a child to me. I realize that if you have not felt that bond, this sounds weird. But I did feel it. He protected my children and was ALWAYS there when I cried. He was MINE! He was the one constant in an otherwise shifting world. I could always count on the wag and the comforting big black eyes to fall on mine and make me breathe again. I had to put him to sleep on December 12, 2008. You will hear more about him in later posts. I have been grappling with getting another dog when I am still crying over him. I know there will never be another Oliver.

Would the ache of losing another dog outweigh the bliss one would give me and my kids for many years?

Are we so scared to face hurt that we are missing out on joy? I think we are. I know I have been for so long now.

This will take time to change. I think now may be the time to stop over analyzing every possible spanking and let things happen naturally.

I just hope my heart will let me take chances again.

"BEAT ME WORLD"!!!!

I have more life to enjoy!