Friday, April 29, 2011

Why don't you come over here and SPARK me sometime!!

I recieved an email notification that someone on a dating site I used to be a member of thought we'd have "sparks" together. This was great news! I like feeling like flintstone from time to time------starting fires with the men of America. And with all this Royal Wedding stuff flying around---who wouldn't want to feel sparkaliscious for a moment?

So I decided to follow the link and catch a glimpse of this very observant hunk muffin.

I open it up to a 53 year old anomoly.

Now I am sure this is a very nice gentleman and I certainly mean no harm, but I was cornfused. Was he Freddy Mercury... Was this Mick Jagger?? Wait.... is this Steven Tyler?? A zombie Axl Rose? Mork from Ork???

There he was, sitting on a counter in a lycra jewel- toned unitardish shirt,,, patterned "Hammer" pants and chunky white tennis shoes accentuated with red socks and yes, suspenders. And he arched his back really nice like whilst crossing his legs too.

There was even a caption over the picture that read: My favorite spot!

Your favorite spot is sitting on a counter posing like it's a Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover shoot???

Is this a joke?

He even had his bangs and the sides of his hair curled under people...

And not just in one "joke" picture, each one was stranger than the last...I could hear the rock and roll screams bellowing in my head and imagine the fights over the curling iron and the last precious spritz's of aquanet. It was confusing... And still confuses me...

Until another "spark" message rang through,,, rehabilitating my hope for a "normal" admirer..

It was Aquarious69...A 69 year old Horoscope follower and Muppet doppleganger.

(Note: Do not add "69" to your screen name for ANY reason, it's 125% extra smarmification that no decent human should want to posess.. just say'n)

I see this "sparked" Muppet and all I can think about is squishing his spongy orange nose and making him do bizarre things with his puppety "arm sticks"....

Is the subset of men in my range so saturated that I may have to settle for a Muppet or a zombie rock star with mad posing skills,,,,

'cause I will.... I tell you sweet friends, I will...And.... I'll LIKE IT!!!
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8 Seducing Deductions:

mac said...

No, you should never settle for less than perfect.
But, if you do - I know a nonwriting chubby biker type you could get ;-) said...

Oh hon, I laughed my way through this and I'm so sorry. So very sorry. I think I dated him.
I love ya! xo Robyn

DCHY said...

Oh should've thrown in the pic of that "swimsuit model". ;)

Anonymous said...


and here i thought i was your only spark!!!!

Ca88andra said...

I'm speechless! Well, practically speechless. Where do these men come from??? And who let them out...???

CityMom2 said...

That description made the hair on my neck stand up! but I was laughing the whole time.

Here's an anomaly: I work with a really nice, attractive (as in good body, nice eyes, losing hair but in a tasteful way), Man. You heard me. This may be a first I swear!
My heart is with you. Don't settle for a muppet yet girl.

Missed Periods said...

Well, zombies are kind of in right now. They're the new vampires.

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